07/22/2026
As I was working with a horse recently, I came across the issue of entitlement. It was a good awakening to how we can sometimes get in a habit of believing we expect things, and then when we don't get that, we can get in a tither because it's not what we "expected".
A long time ago a wise and very accomplished barrel racer had told me to "quit playing it small"...I never really understood what the heck that even meant. The truth is trust and respect are earned things, not given freely. With horses, you can't have a partnership when one side sways more than the other; one can't be too passive while the other has free reign, and this isn't much different than people or horses in a herd...You can't be invisible and expect to be seen. You have to work together to find a middle grounds, just as the horse in a herd setting has a natural order.
I had to help this horse, and so there I was forced to see it; how invisible I really had allowed myself to become...so I saw it, and I reflected. I reflected on how many times I have just given things freely: my attention, my kindness, my trust, my knowledge, my skills, my support to others before my own growth, etc. without any expectations, and then I wonder later when I am now used as a doormat. This WAS the playing it small, and I realized now why I was the doormat. I can be mad, but it was only my fault and myself to blame...I set the expectation! I assumed it was all just given. Now my horsemanship was beginning to call me out on it!
Horses really do teach us alot about ourselves, and a major part of being a good horseman or horsewoman in horsemanship is reflecting on ourselves ALOT. As the horse I was working with needed big help with learning you are not entitled, I had to remember to step up, be present, and take a seat at the table too. It was a big reflection for me to see that if I am going to be of any effect to this, I must remind myself of this in my own life and preach it as well.
We are just simply not perfect humans, but boundaries, respect, and trust are all things we deserve to work on. Your horse needs a leader, not a shadow-they already have a shadow. You exist too-you are sitting at the table too. I hope you found this writing helpful to you as well in your horsemanship as I apply this learning back into my own life again.
Happy Riding!
📸 Shand Creek Photography
