Twilight Dogs Grief Supoort & End of Life Doula for Dogs

07/26/2024

06/07/2024

Last night, I dreamt about a little dog I haven’t seen in around 25 years. I didn’t know him personally- he was a patient at the vet clinic where I worked as a vet assistant. His name was Timmy, and he was a 21 year old Bichon mix, and weighed only about 2 or 3lbs. His owners were diligent about vet care for all of their dogs, but Timmy especially spent a lot of time in our clinic. You see, he had lost all control of his bowels and urine, and wore a 24/7 diaper (which caused him a lot of skin issues in that area, as this had gone on for years). He was totally blind and deaf by this point, had no teeth left, had no hind end mobility at all, and most of his organs were failing. He was also in significant pain due to arthritis and a spine injury. Whether at home or in the clinic, Timmy spent most of his life on an IV, and he had to stay where you placed him down because he wasn’t strong enough to pull himself around. He just spent all his time on a bed, in darkness and silence, unable to move, and in pain. He was alive only due to the miracle of modern medicine.

The vet and I spoke with our client many times about humane euthanasia for Timmy, but she felt that if she just put enough money into his care, then he could go on forever. It was heartbreaking - Timmy had no quality of life whatsoever, but his owner loved him too much to let him go. Or, you could say, she could not set aside her own feelings enough to put love first, and peacefully let him pass.

At that time, we really didn’t use things like Quality of Life scales in vet clinics. Thankfully, over the years, these have become a valuable tool for owners to see their dog’s condition objectively, and a basis upon which a vet can have a conversation with an owner about End of Life Care, the dying process, and humane euthanasia. This is also something that I help clients with as an End of Life Doula. I have my own Quality of Life scale, but I also really like the one provided by Lap of Love (a palliative and end of life veterinary service in the US). Today, I also discovered that they have an interactive tool on their website that generates a broad assessment of your dog’s condition, and provides information on each of the disease processes your dog may encounter. If you’re in this situation, I’m so sorry to hear that, and encourage you to start with a tool like this, followed by the checklist.
And Timmy, wherever you are, I hope that you are feeling young, full of life, and pain free. ❤️🪽

04/22/2024

This is an excellent presentation about grief and loss. It will very likely make you cry, but it’s definitely worth a watch, to help you realize you are not alone.

The grief of losing a pet is crushing; and yet it is too often minimized. This talk explains why the pain of pet loss is different and why it is valid. Dr. H...

04/16/2024

Some of my thoughts this morning, in reply to a griever expressing her sadness over all of the little habits she’d formed because of her dog, that she no longer needs to do.
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If you’re looking for grief support or end of life support, please reach out to me through this page, or by email to [email protected]

04/09/2024

For the first time, April 2nd passed without me noticing. This year, it was the 7th anniversary of my heart dog, Toby, passing. It’s also the 7th anniversary of us moving to Canis Valley.
I don’t feel guilty for missing the date. Instead, I feel like this might be a good indicator that my healing is progressing. It’s not a sign that he is forgotten (he most certainly is not), but rather a sign that I carry his life with me, and not his death. ❤️

“I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.”
- ee cummings

03/24/2024

Our grief for our beloved pets has no time limit.

03/14/2024

In all my experience (both personally and with clients) and education on grief and loss, I have learned that the most important part of living with grief and learning to carry it with you is talking about it. Sharing how you’re feeling, and also sharing stories about your pet is absolutely crucial to healing from the loss.

That could look like -
🐶 Talking with a professional like myself or a licensed therapist
🐶 Talking to friends and family who listen without judgment
🐶 Talking out loud to your other pets
🐶 Joining a grief support group
🐶 Posting on social media about your feelings and memories
🐶 Journaling, blogging or vlogging (although saying the words out loud is best)

Find a way to regularly get your words out. Please reach out to me to book a session if you feel that would be helpful for you. Sessions are done by phone or on zoom, and can be done anywhere in the world. [email protected]

03/11/2024

Sometimes the need for support comes in completely unexpected places - groups that have nothing to do with dogs or grief. But, when a person is facing the end of life with their dog (in this case, two dogs), it is always at the front of their mind and finds its way out. I hope that my words offer this person some solace.
While I often find myself in conversations like this each day online, I never post them. But, I’ve been asked recently what kind of general advice I give in conversation (not formal consultation), so I thought I’d share this example with all of you. Please feel free to share if you find this may be helpful for others.

Click on the photos to see the entire text.
If you’d like to book a consult, you can email me at [email protected]

03/09/2024

Are you looking for a way to memorialize your pet? There are countless ways! I saw a beautiful one today of a suncatcher that can be customized with your dog’s breed, name, and artwork.
You can search in Amazon Canada (or US) ‘custom dog memorial suncatcher’.
For another amazing list of products, simply type in the Amazon search bar ‘in loving memory of a pet’ and a list of hundreds of products will come up.
Of course, this is only Amazon. You can also find great products on Etsy, or simply by Google search.

02/16/2024

What a lovely post.

Click the photo to see the entire text.

02/10/2024

Did you know that a Companion Animal End of Life Doula (like myself) can help you work through quality of life scales, appropriate hospice care, planning for final moments and after care, as well as anticipatory grief?
The University of Ohio has put together an excellent pamphlet on end of life called the Difficult Decisions Pamphlet, and it contains very useful information All of the topics covered here are the things that an End of Life Doula can assist you with (although we are not veterinarians and cannot provide medical care or advice)
If you’re facing a difficult decision, please consider reading through this guide. If you would like additional support, you can contact me to book a phone or zoom call at [email protected]