
09/07/2025
“Your Dog’s Independence Matters: Teaching Your Dog It’s OK to Be Alone”
An in-depth article for dog owners and trainers on canine independence, resilience, and why FOMO is not the same as separation anxiety.
As a dog trainer, one of the most common messages I receive begins with: “My dog’s got separation anxiety.” But more often than not, once I start asking questions, it quickly becomes clear, it’s not true separation anxiety. It’s the fear of missing out. FOMO. And yes, dogs get it too.
Let’s be honest: a dog’s need for independence is often overlooked in favour of constant closeness. We’ve unintentionally conditioned many of our dogs to believe that being glued to us 24/7 is not just normal, it’s necessary. But here’s the thing. It’s not healthy. Not for your dog. Not for you. And not for the bond you’re trying to build.
What Is Canine Independence?
Canine independence means your dog has the confidence to be alone, whether that’s in another room, on their bed while you cook dinner, or even left at home while you nip to the shops. It’s the ability to self-settle, cope with low stimulation, and understand that separation doesn’t mean abandonment. It’s an essential life skill that too many dogs are lacking.
But why? Because we’ve stopped allowing dogs to just be dogs.
The Root of the Problem: You Created a Shadow
It usually starts small. You get a new puppy or rescue dog and feel guilty leaving them alone. You let them follow you to the toilet, lie under your feet at the dinner table, jump on your lap while you’re watching telly. You feel flattered that your dog loves you so much. But what you’re actually doing is removing their ability to be calm, comfortable, and secure without you being constantly present.
Dogs are opportunistic learners. If following you around the house is allowed and occasionally rewarded, through affection, treats, or access, they’ll keep doing it. Soon, they expect to be included in every activity. And when they’re not? Cue panic, barking, destruction, pacing, or excessive drooling. But again, this isn’t always separation anxiety. It’s simply a dog who’s never learnt how to not be involved.
Real Separation Anxiety: A Different Beast Entirely
Let’s not minimise the reality of true separation anxiety. It’s serious. It’s debilitating. It’s not a dog simply whining for attention. It’s a dog that panics to the point of soiling itself, ripping through doors, and risking self-harm just to try to reunite with its owner. These dogs can’t be left in a room without becoming distressed. Some can’t be crated. Some can’t even cope if you turn your back.
That’s not the same as a dog who doesn’t like being left out while you’re upstairs folding laundry. That’s not the same as a dog sulking because it wasn’t invited into the car. There’s a distinction, and we need to recognise it.
Why Teaching Independence Matters
A dog that can cope with time alone is more balanced, more emotionally stable, and, dare I say it, more fulfilled. Independence:
• Reduces stress by allowing the dog to learn that time alone isn’t threatening.
• Builds resilience by teaching the dog to manage low-stimulation environments without panic.
• Promotes self-soothing behaviours like chewing a toy, relaxing on a bed, or sleeping through the quiet.
• Prevents over-attachment which, if left unchecked, can evolve into real anxiety issues.
• Encourages problem solving, dogs learn to adapt, explore their environment, and entertain themselves.
Let’s not forget, dogs are capable problem-solvers. But if they’re never given the space or opportunity, they won’t develop the skill.
How to Build Your Dog’s Independence
1. Create Physical Distance in the Home
Start small. Use baby gates or close doors to prevent your dog from shadowing you around the house. Teach them that they can’t always be with you and that it’s perfectly OK.
2. Place Training and Settle Time
Train your dog to go to a bed or designated spot and stay there, calmly. No attention, no fuss. Just chill time. You’re teaching them to self-regulate and be still.
3. Don’t Reward Attention-Seeking
If your dog paws you for affection or follows you relentlessly, avoid giving in. Attention given at the wrong moment reinforces needy behaviour.
4. Enforced Rest Periods
Put your dog in a crate or separate room for quiet time, even when you’re at home. This isn’t punishment, it’s teaching downtime.
5. Gradual Departures
Practise leaving the house for short periods and build up slowly. Don’t make a big song and dance about leaving or returning. Make it a non-event.
6. Avoid the Guilt Trip
You’re not being cruel by teaching your dog to be alone. In fact, it’s one of the kindest things you can do. You’re giving them a skill that will last a lifetime.
Independence Is a Gift, Not a Punishment
Let’s stop thinking that being apart from our dogs is somehow neglectful. Dogs who are given the tools to cope with alone time are more confident, less anxious, and less demanding. They’re not looking to you to micromanage their every moment. And ironically, once your dog can be on their own, you’ll find your time together is more meaningful. Less clingy. More connected.
Because true connection doesn’t mean constant proximity. It means trust. It means balance. And it means knowing that even when you’re apart, you’re still a team.
In Summary
If you want a well-rounded, emotionally stable dog, don’t just focus on obedience or enrichment, focus on independence. Your dog doesn’t need to be part of every moment of your life. In fact, they’ll be better for it if they’re not. Teach them to switch off. To self-settle. To be OK when they’re on their own.
It’s not just about stopping behaviours you don’t like, it’s about preparing your dog to handle the world without falling apart.
So next time you feel guilty about shutting the bathroom door on your dog, remind yourself: you’re not being cruel. You’re building a better dog.
If you’d like help building independence in your dog, or you’re struggling to tell the difference between FOMO and genuine separation anxiety, get in touch. We’ll guide you and your dog towards a calmer, more confident future, together, and apart.
www.k9manhuntscotland.co.uk
Training that makes a difference.