Marie-Joëlle Côté - Coach équin

14/05/2024

De bonnes paroles sur le vrai leadership. ❤️

What is good leadership?

When you’ve seen it and felt it, it’s life changing.

Plenty of people are in charge- anyone can take control and tell others what to do and how, but few can lead.

I’m self employed for a reason - I have some personality strengths or flaws, depending on who you ask- and they make me very independent. I don’t take orders well from tyrants, which is probably most bosses and leaders.

But a good leader makes you melt - not because they want to control you, not from fear or anxiety they drive into you, judgement and consequences threatened upon you- a good leader inspires, and makes you feel safe. And when you feel safe, you can be guided.

It’s impossible to really guide anyone or anything when they’re more worried about their safety, physical or emotional, than what you’re asking. I believe this is something most of us can relate to on one level or another.

It’s essential for the leader to truly understand those they’re leading - otherwise there will be some form of resistance or bracing. A leader is vigilant to the needs of those they seek to guide: meaning they get down to their level with frequency and without shaming.

A good leader is together themsleves : they can check their emotions, admit to their faults and seek to repair when damage is done. They do not blame, but fill in gaps, and provide resources and skill sets. They take ownership.
A good leader leads by example: being emotionally and physically balanced before giving directives, and is disciplined enough to never give out these directives without centering themselves first.

A good leader has clear parameters and boundaries, but is soft in tone: they can afford to be because they are respected for what they provide.

That’s the secret here: they provide for others-

Anyone can boss others around. The difference between a petty tyrant and a leader is all in the character of the person in charge.

So when you take the helm, you show those you lead who you are. And who you are is a daily choice you make, completely up to you.

09/05/2024

This 👌

THEY DON’T KNOW THAT IT IS NOT FOREVER.

Horses are not futurists. They can’t see into the future or read our minds and intentions. So when we ask a horse for something the very first time, they don’t know if or even when it will ever stop.

THEY DON’T KNOW THAT IT IS NOT FOREVER.

Let me give you a few examples.

When we first fit a saddle or get on a horse’s back, it does not know whether the saddle will ever come off or whether we will ever dismount.

When we pick up a horse’s foot for the first time or put a bit or a dentist's gag in its mouth how does it know life will ever return to normal?

The first time we load a horse into a trailer or tie a horse to a post or put it into a yard can it ever know it will be given its freedom ever again?

The first time a horse has any of these experiences a large part of the panic they can cause comes from a horse’s lack of understanding that the experience is temporary. It’s not forever.

It takes time and repetition for a horse to figure out that being taken away from its buddies is temporary and it will be with them again soon. Or that if they pick up their foot for us, it will get to stand on 4 legs again very soon and there is no need to panic. Or the discomfort of the saddle or hobbles is not permanent and there is no danger.

These are things we all know. But these are also things we sometimes forget to deal with compassionately. These are things we forget the horse doesn’t know.

For example, some people throw a saddle on a horse for the first time and let the horse buck until it gives up in futility. The horse gives up because it works out nothing is going to get this hunk of leather off my back and now I’m stuck with it forever. That’s a terrible mindset to leave a horse with – helplessness and futility.

To avoid this we must break lessons down into tiny incremental steps. Introduce new things in layers and for short periods of time, gradually building on each layer as the horse grows in confidence, trust, and understanding.

Let’s think about trailer loading as an example.

Loading a horse into a trailer for the first time comes from teaching a horse to lead brilliantly.

Confidence in trailer loading is the result of dozens of in and out exercises, asking the horse to stay in the trailer for longer periods as it feels more comfortable for the horse.

Teaching a horse that standing on a moving platform in a tin box is an okay experience starts with loading a horse in a trailer and driving for 20m, then letting it out. Repeating that enough times to take the worry out of it before driving for 100m and then 1km and then 20km.

The same principle can be applied to the early saddling, the first rides, the first tying-up sessions, the first time a foal is removed from its mother – or whatever lesson you can think of.

Ease a horse’s worry about a new experience by making it very brief. So brief that the horse doesn’t have time to figure out he should panic. Life is not coming to an end and things will return to normal very shortly. This is how you can give a horse confidence and avoid extreme responses and feelings of helpless futility.

I know we all know this principle. But I also know we don’t all practice it.

Photo: This is the horse's first ever ride and is from a c**t starting competition in Australia a few years ago. I'm pretty sure in the 4 or 5 hours preparation the horse had had before this moment, nobody had explained to the horse that the rider was not going to stay on his back forever.

06/02/2024

🥰✨

LE DRESSAGE POUR APPRENDRE SUR SOI-MÊME

J’ai la sensation qu’on oublie souvent d’aborder la notion de sens que l’on donne à ce que nous faisons avec les chevaux.

L’équitation peut alors devenir ce qu’on lui reproche souvent d’être : des gesticulations sur un animal qui subit les objectifs du cavalier, sans vraiment de raison d’être, autre que le plaisir égoïste des cavaliers.

Pourtant, à mes yeux, il n’y a aucun mal à rêver de piaffé, de passage, de pirouettes ou de changements de pied.

Je pense même que c’est une opportunité extraordinaire d’évoluer en tant qu’être humain, car sur le chemin pour parvenir à réaliser ces exercices nous allons avoir l’opportunité de développer des qualités humaines très précieuses, comme dans l’apprentissage des Arts Martiaux par exemple.

Ce qui est terriblement triste, par contre, c’est de finir par arriver à piaffer ou à changer de pied et de n’avoir rien appris sur soi-même.

De sentir que nous ne nous sommes jamais vraiment connectés, ni à nous-mêmes, ni à notre cheval.

Que nous n’avons jamais écouté le message qu’il avait à nous transmettre, et que nous n’avons jamais pris son intérêt en compte, pour créer un partenariat suffisamment fort pour que le cheval ait réellement envie de réaliser ces exercices avec nous.

Pierre Beaupère

Photo par Céline Bo****no - Photographe Équestre

23/01/2024

Images très intéressantes. 🤓👌

12/01/2024

Un beau texte sur la confiance par Amy Skinner Horsemanship, que j'apprécie beaucoup 🙏

"What builds trust?

We hear it every day, all around us-
“You can trust me!”
But many peoples request for trust is like weedling a foot through a crack in a mostly closed door, and forcing it open. It becomes about their wanting, and in their wanting, that door becomes shut for good.

Trust is not owed to you, no matter how hard you work at it or how much time you spend. This is central to remember when trying to develop it.

Trust is developed by not wanting anything, except the well-being of the other.

Trust is developed by being who you say you are, and if you say you are patient then you are, and if you say you are caring then you are. It’s walking the walk after the nice words are said, especially when the going gets rough.

Building trust is developed by resolving conflict and taking ownership when you’re in the wrong - it means, without defensiveness or snippiness or anger, acknowledging the hurt and simply resolving to do better.

Building trust means letting go of what you feel you are owed by the other, and allowing them to be as they are.

Building trust means helping them through their troubles, without judgement- is it just a plastic bag to you? Not to them. Someone trust worthy is there to help in a meaningful way.

Building trust means being emotionally regulated yourself, so you can be a safe and easy place to be.

Is there someone in your life you trust, completely and totally? What do they offer for you, and how can you emulate that for those who’s trust you would like?"

04/01/2024

D'excellents conseils 👌

How to train with minimal time:

I’m of the mind that quality, consistent work ten minutes here and there is far better than an hour or two on the weekend. Everybody’s schedules are crazy, everybody has stuff going on, and probably everybody feels guilty all the time for what they’re not doing.

I have a busy life too. It can be hard to prioritize my own horses, but I’ve had several teachers essentially grab me by my shirt collar and emphasize with gusto how important my own horses training is- and so I present to you my secret plan for short sessions with quality

1- have a plan going in. I don’t mean decide exactly what you’re gonna do, because life happens and you have to work with the horse you have in front of you. But have a plan to give this session your all- to be 110% present for ten, fifteen minutes. No distractions. And calm. If you shoot for 110%, you might hit 70%, and that would be a great success. Get your head on straight, then go in to the pasture.

2- focus on quality in everything. How much care can you invest in putting the halter on? How did your horse feel? How nicely did they lead? How much attention can you give to brushing in a way your horse likes? How well did they stand at the mounting block, how much attention to detail did you give picking up their feet with softness? These things matter, and add up.

3- focus on being smooth and rhythmic. The more I can get me and my horse moving in a smooth, rhythmic way, the sooner the distractions fall away, the sooner my horse breathes and calms, the sooner every thing gets awesome. So get that rhythm!

4- if things go wrong, as they can do, backtrack to something easy. Spend your time building successes, so find something you can do well and quit on without eating up your whole evening being frustrated.

5- be happy with less. Don’t expect flying changes in ten minutes- be happy with breathing, be happy with standing still, be happy with moving nicely, be happy with moving at all. If you have minimal time, your expectations should fit the bill: small and simple, and learn to get happy with less. Resist the urge to do it one more time, keep that greed monster away and accept what is fair to accept.

Photo by Jasmine Cope

26/12/2023

Joyeuses fêtes et heureuse nouvelle année à tous les humains et chevaux qui ont croisé ma route cette année, merci de votre confiance!

Photo: Jordan Côté

20/12/2023

J'aime beaucoup!
Récompenser l'effort nous amène plus loin. ❤️

Always reward the try ❤️

Credit to Jess Wiiliam Dyck for the beautiful image and Martin Black for the words