itsthelittlethings.ca (2026)

20/08/2023

2023 Vancouver 🤞☀️🔥

What a whirlwind of a week. I woke up on August 13th, my dad’s first heavenly birthday with excruciating pain in my back and down my right leg. I could not move, sit, stand, walk, lie down, or even exist without any pain.

I spent the next two days lying in bed resting my back trying to work. If my pain level didn’t get better I would have had to tell my team they had to run meowfest without me. Luckily after a physio appt my pain was “tolerable”. The people who showed up for me this past week deserve a special mention. I would not have been able to do any of this without your support.

you literally saved me, if you didn’t go find me the right back brace, hand deliver it to me, and last minute volunteer your time and Chris’s time I would not have been able to do what I did the past 2 days.

you stepped in big time to help me run 2 successful events this summer. I could not have done this without you. I threw you right into all the madness and you absolutely killed it. I knew I needed someone I could rely on and trust to do whatever it took, and that was you.

you also jumped right in and have been a rockstar ever since. I have loved seeing you grow in such a short amount of time.

Thank you for always checking on me and being down to help whenever and wherever possible.

thank you for absolutely everything you do/did from stepping up around the house, taking time off work, and devoting your 100% to making sure I am successful.

Thank you for caring about me as a person above all else.

mom, I don’t know what we would do without you. Thank you for caring for Kazu, and me.

thank you for stuffing 500+ tote bags and lanyards, and guarding the event exit all day.

This year, I got to enjoy the event with Kazu for a little bit and when I asked Kazu what his favourite thing about meowfest was he said the race cars in the parking lot, and the pink cat he got face painted onto his cheek. Thank you

Herniating my L5/ S1 a week before an event wasn’t ideal at all but I’m glad it all came together the way it did✨💜

14/08/2023

Today, you would have turned 63. You still had so much life to live, we still had so much life to live with you.

I wish more than anything you had more time, you deserved more time. You deserved more moments like this with your grandson.

This past week, you showed up in my dreams for the first time since you passed away. In my dream you had moved away from us, I didn’t understand why you did but you said it was something you had to do. I came to visit you in your new home and you were so excited to show me where you were living and your new home. We drove around in your new convertible car and you seemed happy and free.

We talk about you everyday, and we miss you so much.

Your death has reinforced things I had been aware of my whole adult life and has reminded me how I want to live my life.

So much can change in a year, don’t let life pass you by because it’s going to go by quicker than you think. Do what you want, don’t wait, collect memories, let go of anything that no longer serves you, be happy, stress less, work through anything that makes you uncomfortable, get curious, strive to be better, and take care of yourself.

Happy 63rd heavenly birthday, dad. 🕊️🤍

07/08/2023

Kazu started his new daycare last week and we absolutely love it so far.

No tears, or any hesitations at all. He has been so excited for each day. In only 5 days, he got to do taekwondo, play at the beach, go on a field trip, and ride a yellow school bus.

I love that I don’t have to pack snacks or lunches anymore! And he apparently will eat carrots at school. 🙄

I can’t wait to see what Kazu learns over the next year. ✨

25/07/2023

Toronto 2023 crew 🙏

There is something so magical about working for a company that truly cares for their people and makes us feel safe. Thank you for creating that space for all of us. Thank you and for handling everything I threw at you, I love that I can rely and trust that sh*t would just get done. , your the sweetest most thoughtful person I have ever met, thank you for always checking in. thank you for being my biggest supporter and alway believing in me. Also, a special thanks to the partners that were voluntood and had no idea what they were agreeing to, and to the ones that do know and still show up. 😬

15/05/2023

You are the light on my darkest days ✨

Today, felt anything but a “happy” Mother’s Day. I was hit with a wave of grief, sadness, and uncontrollable tears.

The honest truth, I haven’t been truly happy for a long time, I can even say for years. Being pregnant during the pandemic was ridiculously isolating for me, I felt like I missed out on my last few months of a child-free life, and then raising a newborn during the pandemic was even more isolating. When the world started to open up and when motherhood seemed to feel a little bit easier my dad got diagnosed with cancer, throw in navigating parenthood, relationships, household management, work, caring for my dad, and then losing my dad.

My cup has been severely empty for a long time. I’ve been trying to fill it with spending my time with like minded people who lift me up, I’ve been trying to fill our lives with new experiences and memories, I’ve been trying to find a village so I feel less alone. I do all the things to fill my cup but it’s like I have a hole in my cup. No matter how much I try to fill it, it keeps getting drained.

To anyone else who didn’t have a “happy” Mother’s Day. You are not alone. 🤍

06/04/2023

Reposted: It’s so much easier to avoid • pretend • ignore your reality when you are not in your normal environment, and your regular routine.

It was easier to “forget” about the pain, loss, and grief when I was travelling Europe with 8 other people. It was like I had hit pause on life, on my grief, even though I still thought of my dad throughout every single day. We were so busy and on the go I had no time to even do anything other than what was happening in the moment.

I had learned from my Vietnam trip that coming home would be hard. That it would hit me again and feel impossibly hard. The familiar feeling of grief came back like I had just pressed the play button on my life again.

I knew how important this trip was and that literally no excuse would be bigger than the regret of not going. Because even though I know my dad probably would have had a lot of anxieties, fear, hesitation about travelling to an unfamiliar place, I wish I had the chance to take one more trip with my dad, especially with Kazu. I wish I could have that memory to remember, to talk about and to hold on to.

There is something so magical about travelling, I believe it gives you exactly what you need at that moment in your life, good or bad. Every international trip I’ve taken has changed my life in some way, has taught me more about myself, and gave me exactly what I needed. I know it would have been the same if I had that last chance with my dad.

My only memories of travelling with my dad is as a child and our last local trip when he was sick. I know a trip with my dad would have been different as an adult, and I wish he was able to see Kazu experience something new, and his excitement and pure joy.

Dad, I promise our next stop will be Hawaii. Just like you said you wanted. We went when I was in gr. 9 for a gymnastics competition that I didn’t get to compete in because I had torn my ACL right before we left. I only remember the utter disappointment and sadness I felt. But to my dad, it was one of his favourite holidays w/ his family. He always wanted to go back but we didn’t want to go back to the same place.

I’m sorry, we didn’t support your desire to go back to Hawaii. 🌸☀️

04/01/2023

Ever since becoming a mom, I have really learned to live life in the moment, day by day, week by week. After my dad got diagnosed with colon cancer, I was further forced to stop planning because we really didn’t know anything.

Thinking about the future, talking about it, hearing about it, triggers me. And ever since he has passed, it is still triggering me.

I can only handle the moments ahead of me and maybe up to a week. I don’t like thinking about the future, or even planning for it. For anyone who knows me this is very unlike me.

I live in the moment, which is what the past me always strived to do. But the difference now is I feel forced to live in the moment because I cannot stand the thought of a month from now, a year from now, two years from now, and so on.

While my dad was here as time moved forward it meant the days were counting down that we had with him. And now that he is gone as the time moves forward, it means the more days we have had to live without him.

It’s hard to watch as everyone moves forward with life while all I want to do it stay in the moment or go back in time.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out and shared their story. I am beginning to realize grief brings people together just like motherhood.

23/12/2022

4️⃣ days have gone by and I am feeling completely numb and cried out. The reality is I had already been grieving the loss of my dad while he was still here with us. I cried for 10 days straight while still caring for him almost around the clock. At first I hid my tears, I cried when I was driving and running errands. But as the days counted down my tears had no boundaries.

As I go through old photos and videos I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt.

Guilt for not spending more time with my dad when he was healthy, guilt for not making him a priority, guilt for not being there for him when he needed someone the most, guilt for not taking more photos with him, guilt for being too busy with my own life, guilt for not being a better daughter, guilt for getting frustrated with him, guilt for not talking to him more, guilt for living my life, guilt for respecting his wishes, guilt for all the realistic and unrealistic things.

Maybe if I did all these things I would have known more about my dad’s symptoms. Maybe I would have pushed and encouraged him to get checked sooner and just maybe he would still be here.

I know these guilty feelings are part of the process. I’m trying really hard to sit in these feelings instead of run from or push these guilty feelings aside or pretend they aren’t there. I know in time how I feel will eventually change but until then….

Dad, I’m sorry. I know you loved me unconditionally and in your eyes I could never do wrong but I know deep in my heart that I could have been better. And for that, I am sorry. And I’m sorry it took you getting sick for me to realize that. I am so lucky to have been loved by you.

🎸🍌⛳️

20/12/2022

Last night as I was lying in Kazu’s bed with tears streaming down my face waiting for him to fall asleep.

Out of nowhere Kazu says “I love you Mama”.

It’s the first time Kazu has said that to me. He will say love you if we say it first but never like this. Kazu might not understand what is happening but he can sense how much I am hurting.

Even though we had the time to prepare and say goodbye. I still feel so unprepared for the huge hole in my heart and in my life.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out. Your words and love is appreciated even if I can’t find the capacity to find the right words to rely at the moment. 🤍

19/12/2022

Dad, your fight, strength, and bravery will never be forgotten. We are all heartbroken to have lost you but we will be ok knowing you are no longer suffering. Your acceptance, peace and certainty with your decision is what I will hold on to when the grief and sadness overcomes me.

Thank you for everything you did for me, our family. You lived your life selflessly and for everyone but yourself. I am so proud of you for putting yourself first at the end. There was no selfishness, only bravery and strength. You no longer have to suffer, you overcame and achieved so much in your short time with us. Jordan and I were lucky and proud to have you as our father and we will never break our promise to you.

Our last week was beautifully full of love, laugher, good food, memories, and tears. It was my honour to care for you till the end like you did my entire life.

I know you will be with me wherever I go, and you will watch over all of us especially Kazu. As we left, Kazu said “I want to wait for gung gung.” He will understand one day even tho he can no longer see you that you are still here with him.

Until we meet again, enjoy all the bananas with JJ. 🍌

Rest in peace, dad. I love you. 🤍

03/11/2022

Over the last 12 years we have seen each other through the ups and downs of life. We supported each other through every questionable choice and were always there to talk sense into each other. You have grown so much and I am so proud of the person you have become. Be patience, your time will come when all the hard work and sacrifices will pay off.

I miss having you physically close but I know you are in good hands in Toronto. 🖤

Thank you for letting me crash. 🙏

itsthelittlethings.ca

20/08/2023

14/08/2023

07/08/2023

25/07/2023

15/05/2023

06/04/2023

04/01/2023

23/12/2022

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