15/04/2025
Lately I’ve found so much gratitude for the challenges I’ve experienced in the last six years of my life. I feel now that these challenges were preparing me for this moment of our lives.
Since Juniper was born I’ve learned so many lessons on love, heart-ache, healing, grief, and trauma- and these are all things that I’ve needed to draw from during this hard time.
In the past it has been hard to be a mother to Juniper because of her strong will. But now- Juniper’s strength, sass, and fierce determination are the traits she has most-needed during this incomprehensibly hard moment of her life. I honestly think these aspects of her character have saved her life.
Through immense suffering, a dance with death, and a loss of her physical capacities, she has perservered. There are tears, there is panic, there is pain, there is sadness- but through it all, there is incredible determination and inner strength that is helping her through each day.
The doctors still don’t know what happened to her and the best diagnosis they have (besides her initial diagnosis of OTC deficiency) is that her body suffered “brain damage”. No one can tell us how long her healing journey will be or what her capacity will be at the end of it- which is a gift because I don’t need anyone telling my kid what she is or isn’t capable of.
Whatever comes, she will handle it.
Right now Juniper puts in so much effort simply to raise her hand, make a sound, or swallow a sip of water… she inspires me to tears every day with her efforts.
And then there is sweet baby Koda, who I had no intention of raising as a single mom- and weirdly I couldn’t have done this without her under any other circumstance. The way she depends on me so completely is incredibly helpful for keeping me grounded at the end of each day. Also she makes me (and everyone at the hospital) smile- and what a gift this is during dark and hard moments.
Thank you Juniper and Koda for bringing me on the ride of my life, and allowing me to witness daily miracles through you both.
And thank you all for the prayers and love, which continue to give us strength to carry on through this difficult time.
💗Bethany