30/08/2025
CONNECTION VERSUS PROXIMITY
Something I hear from people a lot when they are asking about their horses is "We have a good connection, he's kind of a pocket horse, he follows me everywhere, but..." and they then go on to describe a problem that usually is a result from a lack of connection.
Proximity is not connection.
Clinginess is not connection.
Try not to get connection and physical closeness confused.
Connection is rooted in attunement, which is (as Sarah Schlote of Equusoma: Horse-Human Trauma Recovery puts it) 'the sense of being seen, being heard, feeling felt and getting gotten". It's about them trusting you, trusting you have their best interest at heart, and the feeling of safety you give them when you have proven that you are as aware as the rest of their heard members.
Clinginess is a juvenile behaviour that the mother (and other herd members) allows up until the age of weaning, then they start to work on collision avoidance (a term I picked up reading the works of British ethologist Lucy Rees). Installing collision avoidance is what allows a herd of horses to move safely together at speed like a school of fish or a flock of birds. It's also part of the mental maturation process, and if that process doesn't happen horses tend to retain a that and a lot of other juvenile behaviours.
So beware of the trap of thinking that you have connection because you have constant proximity. It may just be a juvenile behaviour in disguise.
