13/05/2021
Are you a Pet Parent?
There is some push back at the moment in certain dog circles against people who refer to themselves as “pet parents”. The objection goes something along the lines that dogs are not babies and treating them like children is ruining their lives and causing behaviour issues. I wanted to have a look at this idea quickly, as I do tend to think of myself as a surrogate “parent” to my dogs, I tell my dogs to “go find dad” and my husband tells them to “go to mom”. My puppy raising booklet is subtitled “How to be the Parent your Dog needs”. So why might people object to this concept?
I think the first thing to note, is that many of the people currently pushing against the idea of dogs being our surrogate children, seem to be speaking from a particular ideology that involves viewing dogs as tame wolves, apex predators and pack animals. From this starting point they then deduce that dogs should be treated more like potentially dangerous wild animals and handled in a way that constantly keeps them “in their place” so that they don’t end up ruling our homes and using aggression to control us. This ideology attributes most, if not all, behaviour problems in dogs to people refusing to say “no” (for why I don’t believe in “no”, please see: https://www.tarynblyth.co.za/is-no-a-useful-word-in-dog-training ), failing to set boundaries, wrapping their dogs in cotton wool and allowing them to take all sorts of liberties which amounts to them taking over and behaving in a dangerous manner.
It is important to realise that people with this view actually misunderstand what dogs are and how they evolved. Dogs are not apex predators – they are scavengers. Feral populations of dogs all over the world live off dump sites and human waste – they are not hunting game in forests. Because dogs no longer depend on cooperative hunting to survive, they no longer need a tight social structure (pack) and form loose associations instead. Thousands of years of natural and artificial selection have caused dogs to retain juvenile characteristics and to remain dependent on us to a large extent. When we take a puppy home and away from mom, we become the surrogate parent. The care bond between mother and pup transfers to us and dogs develop a deep attachment to us. We are in charge of fulfilling their needs: we provide food, water and shelter and we should provide comfort and security. In that sense, I feel it is very fitting to think of our responsibilities as “parental”.
Perhaps the more valid objection to the idea of “pet parents”, is that some people in viewing dogs as surrogate children, do forget that dogs are not human. By this, I do not mean that it is wrong to attribute complex emotions to dogs (more and more we are seeing how similar animals’ emotional capacity is to ours), but rather that people forget that dogs have specific behavioural needs which we can neglect, if we forget that they are canine and not human. We don’t have a need to chew, dig, urinate on things, roll in smelly stuff, use our senses to scavenge and smell inappropriate body parts of others (well, hopefully we don’t!). If we forget that dogs are dogs, we can have unrealistic expectations, become annoyed by normal dog behaviours and prevent our dogs from having the opportunity to be dogs and have their needs fulfilled. If we simply treat dogs like children in order to fulfil our own needs for love, companionship and emotional support and we completely forget about their canine specific needs, then yes, we will do them harm and they are likely to become frustrated, anxious or depressed and may engage in all sorts of unwanted behaviours to alleviate those feelings. This is a valid concern.
But isn’t being a good parent about seeing to the needs of your “children”? Isn’t that the primary goal of all responsible parents? Good parents recognise who their children are and what they need and will do everything in their power to create an environment in which their children can reach their full potential. Surely good pet parents are cognisant of the nature of the animals they are sharing their lives with and strive to create an environment in which their species-specific needs can be met? If this is our goal in being pet parents, then surely we are on the right track and can be proud to use this term. I would much rather be a “parent” to my animals – recognising who they are as individuals within a species, caring for their physical and emotional needs, providing kind and gentle guidance and being a source of comfort and security – than a leader, boss or “controller”.
