16/01/2025
Saul, my boy, it's so hard to work out where to start and how to say goodbye. You've touched the hearts of so many with your beautiful, loving nature and resolute happiness in the face of such adversity. Your name, Saul, means prayed for and you really are a gift: you brought so much love and joy to everyone you met, especially to me. Caring for you and making sure every day was a happy one has been an honour. The 17 months we spent together have been an absolute privilege and every moment is so very precious, but I would trade it all for you to have been born into a body that wasn't broken, that was healthy and allowed you to live happily for a long time, even if it meant our paths never crossed.
Watching you age 19 years in 19 months and knowing everyday that I am powerless to right the wrongs that were inflicted on you at the very start of your life while you were still in your mother's womb has been the hardest thing I could have imagined. What cruel trick of biology and human failings put such a beautiful, innocent and happy soul into such an irrepairably broken body? If it had been possible to fix you we would have done whatever you needed, but your condition was irreversibly progressive, your skeletal, muscular and nervous systems degenerating further every week, so we have kept you as comfortable as possible for as long as possible, and waited for the moment you told me you've had enough.
You have amazed me with your gentle determination and quiet, happy zest for life, even when your body is so tired and struggling you've remained so happy (there's a lesson for all of us humans in that), but your soul is now as tired as your body. You've been wandering in the wastelands between this world and the next and this is why I kept our promise, that when you said you'd had enough, that life is now too hard, that I would listen, no matter how much it hurts, and help you leave this world as gently as you deserve, with compassion and dignity.
Yesterday, we did the last thing we could for you and, at home, with the vet who had been your biggest champion, who saw hope and value in your life when others didn't, by your side, you peacefully fell asleep in my arms for the last time, left your broken body and moved on to the next world.
Human greed, ignorance and indolence have so much to answer for and you and Ayla have paid the ultimate price. You are the faces of the suffering that irresponsible breeding and selling websites create, and it's so so unnecessary and avoidable. You don't know what your life should have been, you don't know you should have had 20 years, been able to run, to climb trees, to hunt, to jump, but I am painfully aware of what should have been, what you were entitled to. All animals are innocent, but you are even more innocent; so innately trusting of everyone you met, so unaware that it is because of humans you have suffered so. We didn't deserve a being as pure and innocent as you. I am so sorry us humans failed you so terribly, and I hope I've managed to atone for some of this unforgivable wrong.
The purpose of writing this is not garner sympathy, it's to show the very stark and sad reality for companion animals in a supposed nation of animal lovers where lives are generated, disposed of and acquired for the biggest evil of all, money. We cannot change things unless people see the damage that is done, see the faces that this evil trade has failed, the souls that should still be here. These are the faces and souls and suffering behind our desperate pleas of "neuter your pets", "stop breeding", "don't fund backyard breeders" and "boycott online selling sites"
Mister man, my little happy wonky shadow, my dear old friend, my best boy, my old Saul, I don't know how life will look without you purring away by my side and in my arms. You deserved the world and more and I'm so so sorry I couldn't change the fate that was sealed by the neglect you suffered before I even knew you existed. I hope in 19 months you had enough happiness and love to fill 19 years and that you've left this world knowing that you are loved, treasured and most importantly that you matter so very much. The purest soul; the bestest, goodest, perfectest boy.
Saul, go find your sister Ayla. Your guardian angel Annie is waiting for you in the next world, she'll look after you again. The three of you have left a huge void behind.
Safe travels Saul, I will always love you.
11/06/2023 - 15/01/2025
