11/10/2021
EXTREME CHANGE CAN BE TERRIFYING
Something I hear time and time again when I work with adopters of Romanian Rescue dogs, is how they wish they had known the information I share with them right at the very beginning, when their dog first arrives.
The reason they say this is because when we start working together, they can see clearly how many things they could’ve done differently, that would have potentially avoided the problems they are now contacting me for help with.
One of those things is the importance of going slower than they did and taking the time to just get to know the dog that walked through their door and allowing that dog the time and space to adjust to their new and strange world.
I know that when you adopt a dog from, what you perceive to have been an awful existence up until now, and don’t get me wrong, for many of these dogs it has been an awful existence by our standards, you just want to give them a better life.
You want to shower them with love and stuff and wonderful experiences (or should I say, what you believe are wonderful experiences for them)
But the thing is, and what I want to emphasise here in this post, is that no matter how awful your dog’s life was in Romania before being rescued and arriving with you, it was the only life they knew.
This means, no matter how bad it was for them, it was still what was familiar, and even though it may have been unpleasant (maybe even downright horrific) extreme change can be even more frightening for them.
So, when they arrive with you, EVERYTHING they knew up until that point, is gone. It matters not that it was awful, they still need time to adjust to the ‘wonderful’ life they WILL have with you (eventually)
They still need time to get used to new surroundings, new sights, new smells, new sounds, new feelings, new experiences, new people.
They still need time to assess all of the stuff and things in their new world to determine if they’re safe or not. They still need time to habituate to their new life. They still need time to get to know YOU.
How long does it take you from meeting a stranger to feeling that you ‘know’ them?
How long does it take you from meeting a stranger to feeling that you ‘trust’ them?
Sometimes, because we care so much, and we want our new family member to be happy and feel loved, we can actually add a whole world of pressure to this transition period for them by ‘trying too hard’ and by DOING too much.
Take a step back and consider the life your dog had and how much it has changed.
Take a step back and imagine how you might feel if the same thing happened to you.
Take a step back and give them space to breathe, time to watch and a chance to get to know you before you start asking them to DO stuff.
Open up their world GRADUALLY taking care not to overload them with too many new things to process.
Spend time simply hanging out together having silent conversations. Sit in a room together or the garden, watch what they do, listen to what they say, watch their body language, facial expressions, physical movement. Look for how they CHOOSE to interact with you and the environment around them.
Learn to really SEE the dog in front of you and take the time to find out WHO they are and what they need.
Think of it as a form of Human-Canine meditation time, release your tension, breathe deeply and regularly, drop your energy into a purely peaceful emotional state with no agenda other than to simply ‘tune in’ to your new friend, and watch closely the impact this has on your dog.
Often, WE are so busy ‘doing’, we don’t know how to slow down and just ‘BE’, but your new arrival NEEDS you to do this for them.
When we do, the transition into their new lives with us usually goes more smoothly with fewer problems and less stress, for both them and us.
Have patience without expectation. ❤️
Give them the gift of time ❤️
