09/09/2021
Hello to all those who have been reading my posts. This is my first post since June 2020 and I was very surprised when I realised that as it didn't feel that long. Unfortunately, like a lot of others during these unusual times, my motivation took a real nosedive and so my ramblings dried up! But! Here I go again!
What’s in a name?
The words we use to describe someone to others, or the way we think about someone, can affect the way in which we and others treat them.
For example, if we said:
“She is such a sweetheart, very kind, would do anything for anyone.”
You might conjure up a picture of a dear, sweet lady with a smiley face waiting to see how she can help you. You would, no doubt, approach her feeling very relaxed and happy and speak to her in a soft, friendly voice whilst smiling a lot.
If we said:
“She is a right moaner, miserable, nothing is ever good enough.”
This might conjure up a person who really doesn’t seem interested in helping, and definitely does not smile.
You might approach this person in a not quite so happy, confident manner, speaking in a monotone voice and not smiling
If we said:
“She is such a cow, unhelpful and very aggressive.”
This might conjure up a picture of a very angry person, scowling and speaking loudly.
You would probably be in, or close to fighting mode from the start with this person! Possibly very tight mouthed, making aggressive gestures and speaking loudly.
Now it might be that all of these people are very nice and kind and helpful and, if we approach them in the right way, they remain like that. If we get aggressive or loud then it is no surprise that others start to become aggressive back. Especially if we are expecting them to do something for us! They end up mirroring us, so what we give out, we get back.
Animals are just the same and react in the same way.
If you tell someone a horse is ‘a right cow-bag, has no respect and gets aggressive’ it’s likely that they will anticipate this is how the animal will behave and so will start off in aggressive mode themselves.
The whole thing will quickly go downhill as both horse and handler will be reacting to the actions of the other- in a negative way. The situation will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, handler anticipating bad behaviour and possibly inadvertently initiating it.
We can probably all recall times when we have managed to get a horse to do a particular thing only to be told afterwards how unusual it is because the horse normally does x,y,or,z to avoid it. This obviously says more about the way the horse is handled than the horse itself.
Remember- People (and animals) will always live down to your expectations. Or , as Steven Young (Author) wrote: People live up to your expectations, not their potential.
This reminds me of a little pony at a riding holiday centre I once worked at. He wasn’t a fine, dainty pony, but a chunky workman like boy and was known for his lack of enthusiasm…………for anything!
The youngsters who stayed on holiday soon picked up on the fact that he wasn’t the sparkiest pony around. Those going home after their holiday were always gleefully passing on to the newcomers that nobody would want X as he was useless, stubborn, lazy, stupid etc. Inevitably, whoever was assigned X visibly wilted when it was announced, and their partnership always started off on the wrong foot.
The thing was, this pony wasn’t useless, stubborn, lazy or stupid and could quite easily do everything the others could. The sad fact was, he was never given the chance so he never saw a reason to try.
I quickly realised this so set about changing his perspective of people, and them about him.
In my lessons, no one was allowed to carry a whip but had to use their riding skills to get their pony to comply. Lots of praise for ponies during and at the end of the lesson was mandatory. No one was allowed to use unkind words to describe their pony if they had difficulty performing a certain task. I have to admit that a number of the youngsters found this one a challenge!
Once dismounted saddles were taken off and carried by the rider as they led the ponies back up to the yard.
Slowly, over the length of their stay, the youngsters attitude to their ponies changed and they were quick to praise and request things from their ponies rather than demand or just expect. No more booting with legs and smacking with crops from the rider so far more comfortable for the pony. A nice, steady, reliable pony for the rider. What’s not to like.
The last day of the holiday was always a fun day with clear round jumping, a handy pony course and a few gymkhana games. The rider of X always had a wobble the night before. Yes, the pony went forward on hacks and even did as he was asked in lessons but he wasn’t sparky or energetic enough to jump or do games………was he?
I had been working with X for a little while so he was used to my voice and I always paid him lots of attention which he enjoyed. He was so responsive to my voice that I could run alongside him asking him to jump small jumps, turn left, right, speed up, slow down and he would. He even seemed to enjoy it!
I would show this to his rider the day before the fun day and they were always amazed at what their little pony was doing. I explained to them that he was happy to do whatever they wanted to if he felt they genuinely liked him and treated him properly. It had to be a two way street, a partnership. He wasn’t going to try if all everyone did was push and pull him around.
The youngsters suddenly got it and at the fun day they always managed to get some rosettes to take home. I always ran round the little jumping course with them just to make sure they got at least one! This helped them appreciate him and they generally did well in the handy pony, as he was so steady. Any gymkhana race that involved a pony standing still while you got on was his speciality!
The youngsters opinion of him may have only been changed at the last minute but hopefully they took the message home and made sure they treated any other horses ( or people come to that) fairly and without any pre-conceptions.
A quote from Yolanda Hadid sums it up nicely I think – Some people come into our lives as a blessing, while others come into our lives as a lesson, so love them for who they are instead of judging them for who they are not.
