26/10/2024
I am bereft. Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my best of best friends.
And it made me acutely aware of the struggle we face when our beloved furry family members near the final stages.
My boy was blind and increasingly deaf. But he enjoyed his dinners, cuddles and naughty but nice gravy bones.
18 months or so ago I’d consulted a vet fearful he had some issues and early stages of dementia and heart murmur were diagnosed. But neither were severe.
Since then I’ve been paying close attention and as time passed set a timer. I’d watch him for 10 minutes each day. Observing his actions and reactions. This assessment was on the basis of a check in: “are you still garnering pleasure from life, my dearest of dear friends?”
3 days ago I felt this enjoyment was lesser than previously. And he was pacing and panting on Tuesday and Wednesday night. Rejected touch. Taking ages to settle.
The last night was worse. Inconsolable he was scratching at the wall. I felt his answer would’ve been “no. Not really. Not anymore”
So I gurded my loins and took him to the vet. Who confirmed my suspicion. He was suffering.
It’s an incredibly personal choice. Some baulk at acting, others baulk at not acting. A choice for which I genuinely believe right and wrong don’t factor. For myself I wanted to do right my him. He gave me 12 years of joy. Of unconditional love. Happily doing my bidding (or obstinately refusing lol). And now it was time for me to do my best to do same for him. Trying, best I could, to think of what he would choose. Those cloudy eyes no longer seeking mine.
It was time.
And I write this here because out of all the questions we ask about the care and nurturing of our dogs this last question is the hardest. And one no one else can ever answer for us. It is a choice each guardian must make based on the values and ethos of the household and relationship with the dog. The grief is unbearable enough. Without second guessing a decision made on its approach. He always did right by me. I hope and pray I’ve reciprocated fully and done right by him.
So if you have or are about to embark on the last season of your relationship with your canine companion, I hope this post will go some way to making those excruciating decisions more bearable. There is no right. There is no wrong. Only a best guess. Only a best attempt. Only love.
RIP Prayers Tartan Ted. Most noble and dignified of border terriers.
