02/05/2024
A LETTER FROM A REACTIVE DOG
Iβm confused. When Iβm with my owners, and weβre alone, the world melts away. Itβs just us. They tell me, while framing my face in their hands and stroking my ears, that I am βthe best dog.β
I believe them. My tail wags furiously, and I smile up at them.
I AM the best dog.
But sometimes, I am not, and I scare them or frustrate them because I am scared, frustrated, anxious, and uncertain. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with fear or excitement. They are upset when I bark, growl, lunge, and sometimes snap. They are frustrated when I am anxious and sensitive to any sound or movement in the world around me.
I hear people, with their labels, tell them I am βreactive,β and they should do something about it, that I am ruling their home and their lives. Am I doing that? Iβm just scared. Iβm just not sure what to do. I just want to feel safe.
When I was younger, we went everywhere together, my owners and I. The world felt big and looming, invasive and frightening. People would pet me, and other dogs would rush up to me with their owners frantically yelling, βHeβs friendly!!!β. At first, I was calm and quietβ¦ but then I had to speak up! I had to tell the world to stop invading my space. Please, please leave me alone!
I want to experience the world. I want to taste all the things that my owners tell me I should βLEAVE ITβ. I want to smell all the things, all the wonderful, amazing, and unique smells of grass, trees, and fox poo! I canβt help that; instead, I am hypervigilant, scanning the environment for the lurking people or dogs or other scary things that seem to constantly throw themselves at me.
I would give anything in the world to be THE BEST DOG all the time.
I donβt understand why, when I tell my owners that I donβt feel safe, they donβt understand. Sometimes, they comfort me. Sometimes, they get upset.
Theyβve tried everything, so many training approaches, it makes my mind whirl. They toss my favourite treats and shove them in my face. I canβt eat right now, Iβm surviving! The prickly collar that I couldnβt escape fromβ¦ The clinking chain collar that made it hard to breathe sometimesβ¦ The stinging spray that made it difficult to smell, that would linger in my nose, after I would bark, βI need space! I am scared!β
I know they love me with everything in them, and they are trying so, so hard. I want to do this for them, I want to be the dog they want me to be. I want to will away the fear and the anxiety, the overwhelm, and I want to be perfect. I try so hard, just like them.
If you see a dog like me, can you give us space? Can you give us time? Can you give us compassion? Please donβt let your dog run up to me. Please donβt try to pet me. I am trying my hardest, I promise. I really, really want to be THE BEST DOG.
If this letter could be from your dog, get in touch with a Force Free and Fear Free trainer who can help you understand your dog and help you navigate your reactive dog to a better place and a better way.