Heart to Heart - Equine

15/01/2025

Can you be too kind?

If you’re like me, you care deeply about your horse’s well-being, your connection with them, and ensuring they’re happy and healthy. We often assume that building a strong bond means always being gentle.

But what if being too gentle actually prevents you from building the relationship you’re hoping for?

Let me explain. When horses meet for the first time, the first thing they do is establish their roles in the relationship. Sometimes this is clear straight away, while other times it can take a bit longer. Observing horses makes it clear that setting boundaries is the foundation for any bond they share. Even when they’re already close, they’ll still remind each other of these boundaries from time to time, depending on their individual personalities.

When people are overly gentle, it can actually confuse or frustrate the horse. On one hand, you’re signalling to them that you’re subordinate and need their leadership and protection. On the other, you might ask them to do something they don’t see a reason for or aren’t willing to do.

See what I mean? I’m not saying you should use fear or cause physical pain—that’s not the point! What I’m suggesting is that by showing your horse confidence and leadership, you’re actually helping them trust you and feel secure in your presence.

But how do you show your horse leadership and confidence when you don't feel it? This is an issue that many horsewomen (and men) are facing. As someone who is generally a chicken, I can totally relate to this. I spent years building my confidence around horses, and then more years learning to build the horse's confidence, too. I developed a way of teaching this to students, so they don't have to struggle as much as I did.

I believe anyone can learn this with time and practice. I now offer online consultations to cover this. Let me know if you want any information about them.

Remember, being a leader is not the same as "showing him who's the boss." A leader is someone you'd want to follow. How would you describe the difference in your words?

13/01/2025

Introducing these two pairs to each other. Diamond, the brown pony used to live with the two bay mares. Margo, the grey mare is new to them.
It was interesting to see the dynamics of the first introduction. Diamond is a gelding who often shows a stallion behaviour. I don't know his history, he was in his mid 20s when I got him and he is now in his 30s. Margo is in her 20s and I've had her for a year. She is a timid horse. My concern was how would Mis. Dolly, the SB, will treat her. Ferry, the TB mare gets along with all horses, so I knew they would be fine.
Well, it turns out both these mare are now in heat. They showed no signs of it prior to that, and it's already mid summer. But the presence of Diamond, the wannabe stallion, triggered a strong reaction in them. They accepted Margo to the herd with no issues, although she is still a bit cautious (it's been two days since the first introduction).
What can you see in the video, while considering this information?

08/01/2025

I am always aware of the importance of giving advice based on the individual needs of each horse-human combination, and nothing replaces a personalized approach. Saying that, there are certain things that I find are generally helpful and I would like to share them with as many people as posible. I created this simple PDF guide with 10 activities that will help you deepen your bond with your horse. Check it out through this link.
https://mailchi.mp/32b94c292661/10-trust-building-activities

07/01/2025

How to Help Your Horse Relax

When your horse is nervous and you want to help them relax, there are a few things you can do. But before we start, I want to clarify a few important points:

1. Each horse-human combination is unique. You need to get to know what works best for you and your horse and build that understanding over time.

2. Each situation is unique. The more you know your horse and have developed clear communication with them, the better you’ll be at responding in the moment.

3. Your relationship is the foundation of everything. Your horse will be more likely to relax if you take on the leadership role in your relationship.

Now that we’ve clarified these things, let’s look at some methods.

When a horse is on high alert, it can be really hard to get their attention. At this point, your attempts to calm them down might not seem effective. What often works is first focusing their mind on you. Once you have their attention, you can show them that there is no danger and model the calm you want them to feel.

So, how do you get their attention?

This depends on the situation and the horse, but typically, it involves engaging their mind with something simple and constructive. You can do this by introducing a small change, such as asking for a change of direction, a halt, or a transition between gaits. These shifts help draw their focus away from what is making them anxious and back to you.

Once you've captured their attention, you can help them relax with slow breathing, a soft voice, and a relaxed body posture.

This process can be repeated as many times as needed. It’s like a dance, and the most important thing is to be attentive to what your horse is communicating and respond accordingly.

Let me know, have you tried this approach before?

30/12/2024

How to sift through advice on the internet.

Here’s a clue: Any advice that tells you that if the horse does X, you should do Y is not helpful advice.

There is never a one-size-fits-all solution with horses. There is no single method that works for all horses, with all humans, in any situation. It simply doesn’t work like that.

Good advice will always take into account the context and the specific horse and human combination. Any tricks or quick fixes are simply misleading.

This is a hard truth to accept, as we all want quick and easy solutions to our problems. However, the sooner we accept it, the easier things will ultimately become.

The good news is that establishing a healthy foundation and addressing the root cause of behavioural issues yields long-lasting and rewarding results. These improvements don’t just solve the specific challenge you may be facing, but also other related issues stemming from the same root cause.

So, when you come across advice on the internet, whether it's for your own query or someone else’s, take note of whether it considers the specific situation and the complexities each horse-human combination brings.

18/12/2024

Holiday season..

Leaving tomorrow, got the day to pack up, clean my house and sort out the horses' paddocks.

I do have someone staying here and keeping an eye on them and the cat. I'm not worried.

I just feel like here is another break from their work. Every time I'm trying to get them back to work, life happens. We make progress and then for one reason or another there is another break. And I feel like we're at the same place for a few years.

But that's not true. What they're learning does stay with them. And while we haven't progressed a lot in WHAT we do, we've made a huge progress in HOW we do it.

So my reminder for myself this morning is to stop looking only at what hasn't been done yet and start appreciating everything that has been done.

To appreciate the choices I've made and respect the fact that I'm wearing so many different hats and like other mums, juggling lots of responsibilities.

My wish is for another productive yet balanced year.

Photo - Ms. Dolly snoozing in the sun. Not worried, not overthinking, just being.

16/12/2024

Going live in 3 hours!

From Buddy Sour to Sweet. Join the FREE WEBINAR.
(link in first comment)

12/12/2024

FREE WEBINAR
From Buddy Sour to Sweet - help your horse transform
Tuesday 17th Dec
Get in touch to sign up

11/12/2024

Have you tried to make your horse work harder to address their "bad" behaviour? Did it work? I hear so many people tell me they were advised to do that, but it didn't work.

This is not surprising if you understand the nature of horses. If a horse is scared of something, punishing them with hard work is not going to make them any more confident than before. In fact, it may raise their tension levels so high that they become even less capable of dealing with the situation.

Sometimes, we are so frustrated by a behaviour that we are willing to try anything. I get that! But what will actually help is thinking beyond the current moment and looking for a long-term solution.

You might say that sometimes you don't have a choice. For example, you need to take your horse to the vet, and they need to get on the float. That’s fair, but we still need something that works.

Most situations, however, are not urgent. Good training prepares us for those urgent scenarios as well.

So, we know what doesn't work. But what does?

I will talk about one issue that many horse people experience—the buddy-sour horse—in a webinar next Tuesday, 17th December, at 10am NZDT. This can be helpful for anyone who wants to develop a path with their horse that considers their needs—a path that is enjoyable for both horse and human.

This is a free event. Let me know if you'd like the link to join.

09/12/2024

Having a buddy sour horse can be so frustrating! 😩

If you're struggling with this, you’ve probably already tried a few different things. Maybe you were told to:

- Isolating your horse (which seems to work, but it’s actually cruel)
- Making him work harder near his friends
- Trying to show him who's boss

But did any of these really solve the problem? Or did they just leave both you and your horse feeling more frustrated?

There’s a better way!

Join my FREE webinar, From Buddy Sour to Sweet – Help Your Horse Transform, where I’ll show you:

* The true causes behind buddy sour behaviour
* A better approach to move forward in a way that feels good for both you and your horse

Ready to transform your relationship with your horse? Get in touch to sign up! 🐴✨

From buddy sour to sweet - what causes your horse to be buddy sour (or herd bound) and how to help them.

02/12/2024

What is your #1 horse-related wish for 2025?

29/11/2024

The purpose of aids is to NOT use them!

Your aids are there to be used when necessary, but the goal is to not rely on them. If you always have to pull on the reins to stop your horse, you're not making progress. The intention should be to use the reins as part of the training process and as a backup when things go wrong. Ultimately, the goal is to reach a point where you don't need to use them.

The same applies to your leg pressure. When I mention leg pressure, I’m not talking about kicking; that’s out of the question. Even gentle pressure should be a last resort. The aim should be to avoid using any physical pressure at all.

This principle also applies to pressure on the lead rope when leading your horse. If you have to pull on the rope every time you want your horse to stop, things aren’t progressing well. Your goal should be for the horse to stop when you do, with the rope having plenty of slack.

I’m not suggesting that everything should always go perfectly. However, keeping this as your aim will help guide you toward a more harmonious relationship with your horse, one that is far more enjoyable for both of you.

25/11/2024

You might not want to hear this, but it needs to be said!

Horses are the best therapists. Just being around them is incredibly healing. I don’t know exactly what it is they do, but I’m sure anyone who has spent enough time with them has felt it.

But here’s the thing: it’s not their job to heal you. On the contrary, it’s your job to look after them and support their healing.

Remember, the horse didn’t choose its circumstances. We chose them, and we are responsible for their well-being—including their emotional and mental health.

I’m not saying it can’t go both ways, but if you’re in a bad mood and turning to your horse for comfort, make sure they have the choice to engage with you or not. If they have a large paddock and the option to walk away, go ahead. Sit with them, and if they offer you healing, accept it with gratitude. Just don’t impose your emotions on them by staying in their space if they can’t retreat.

Every moment with your horse is precious. Be the best version of yourself when you’re with them, especially if you’re planning to work with them or even play games. If the horse doesn’t have the option to leave, make sure you’re someone they’re happy to be with.

Offer your horse some healing when challenges arise. If you’re unsure how to do that, feel free to reach out—I’d love to guide you.

25/11/2024

I may have shared this meme before, but this is just so true, and the text is just right!!
I kinda just said in different words when I wrote - lets change from "how do I stop this behaviour?" to "what is causing this behaviour?"
The point is to understand the root cause of the problem, and not just try to fix the symptom.
It also involves taking responsibility for your own part in creating this issue, or if not you, the humans before you.

Quick fixes are often tempting as they usually offer us an “easy win” and instant gratification. But often these quick fixes only tackle symptoms and don’t tend to address the real problem.

Unfortunately, the training world (for ALL species) is full of “quick fixes”. Quick fixes usually involve some kind of harsh training tool, punishment or dominance-based methods.

Some examples:
“My horse doesn’t stop when asked”

Quick fix: “Add a heavier bit!”

Example of actual training/management:
Taking the time to teach the horse how to stop and reinforce the behaviour.

“My horse is lazy and doesn’t like moving forward”

Quick fix: “Add a whip or spurs!”

Example of actual training/management:
Investigating WHY the horse isn’t willing to move forward. Pain? Discomfort? Conflicting motivations?

“My horses won’t stand still when tied”

Quick fix: “Patience pole!”

Example of actual training/management:
Taking the time to teach a horse to stand, adding duration at a pace the horse is comfortable with.

Problems with quick fixes:

• Quick fixes often create holes within training.
• Quick fixes are often harsh and painful.
• Quick fixes are often unsustainable, “bandaid solutions”, that aren’t effective long term.
• Quick fixes utilizing punishment-based methods can result in unplanned fallouts.

Good training often takes time and it is always ongoing.

20/11/2024

"They get so excited over grass, even though they eat grass every day," my husband observed.

He’s right – horses do get excited about fresh grass, and they also seem to worry when it starts to run out. Essentially, they are always on the move, searching for new grass.

This might seem obvious to most of us, but it’s a crucial aspect of understanding horses. Their nature is to roam and graze; they evolved to do this for most hours of the day. Why is this so important for us? Because understanding their basic needs is essential to keeping horses both happy and healthy.

Providing forage 24/7 is vital. Any time without food available (outside the time spent interacting with us, when we divert their attention elsewhere) can be stressful for them. Prolonged periods without food can also be detrimental to their health if it continues for several hours.

It’s equally important to understand that when a pony tries to eat grass while being ridden, they’re not being naughty or disrespectful – they’re simply acting as nature intended. Yes, your goal is to develop a level of connection where your pony is more focused on you than the grass, but that responsibility lies with you. Eating grass isn’t bad behaviour!

The roaming aspect is just as important. Horses are inherently always on the move. While most of us can’t provide an environment as vast as they would have in the wild, we can strive to allow as much movement as possible. This is essential for their physical and mental well-being.

So, how can you make the most of the resources you have to ensure your horses’ basic needs are met?

19/11/2024

Let's change "how do I stop this behaviour?" To "what's causing this behaviour?"

18/11/2024

"The buck came out of nowhere. There were no warning signs."

This can be so scary! One minute your daughter's pony is fine, next moment the pony bucks and the child is on the floor. How can you ever trust that pony again? Can your daughter ever restore her confidence?

Here is the thing, and I've said it so many times, and I will continue to say it. The warning signs are always there. The horses talk to us all the time. We just don't always know how to listen.

It's not your fault that you don't know! We don't learn these things in our way of life, perhaps our ancestors were more sensitive. We also don't learn these things in most riding schools.

But there is hope! By paying attention to your horse's expressions and body language, and constantly asking questions, you will take the first step towards a deeper understanding of them, and a clearer communication path. This can also be taught by a good, sensitive trainer, so investing in that kind of learning is super valuable!

having a clear two-way communication with your horse is the way to be and feel safe together.


Do you have a personal experience with this?