12/06/2025
The demand for emotional support dogs for neurodivergent children seems to be rising. I don’t have hard stats, just what I’m seeing more and more of in local groups and on Reddit. The need is real. The approach, though? Often deeply flawed. The result is often disappointment or a rehomed puppy before 6 months old.
Let’s clear something up first: most of the dogs being brought into families to help neurodivergent kids aren’t actually therapy dogs. They’re emotional support dogs—and that’s an important distinction.
Therapy dogs are trained to provide support to others (like in hospitals or schools), and they work with a handler. Emotional support dogs (ESDs), on the other hand, offer comfort to one person, usually their owner. And unlike service or therapy dogs, ESDs don’t have public access rights in New Zealand. They're not legally permitted in shops, cafes, or on planes just because they provide emotional support.
Here’s the pattern: a family decides their child would benefit from an emotional support dog. Understandably, they want to help. But instead of going through a structured process, they buy a random puppy—often from a backyard breeder, or they adopt a rescue pup—and hope for the best.
But that rarely works out the way they’d hoped.
Sometimes the child is afraid of the puppy. Sometimes the puppy is too mouthy, too energetic, or just generally overwhelming. Sometimes the pup isn't particularly interested in the child. Sometimes the puppy actually overstimulates the child. Or vice versa.
And sometimes, the puppy itself is anxious, fearful, or lacking confidence—especially in the case of rescues or poorly bred litters—which means they aren’t emotionally available to support anyone else. Because how can a dog be a calming presence when they’re still learning how to feel safe themselves?
And that’s the core issue: these are puppies. Babies. They’re untrained. Emotionally immature. Not yet equipped to handle the mental and emotional load of supporting a human, let alone one who may already be navigating sensory, emotional, or social challenges.
There’s a reason certified service and therapy dogs are carefully bred, temperament-tested, and put through 12–18 months of structured, intensive daily training. They’re selected from bloodlines that are specifically bred for sound temperament and low reactivity. They aren’t just “good dogs.” They’re the result of years of intentional planning.
Backyard breeders, unfortunately, don’t offer that. The focus is often on looks or profit—not health or temperament. And when temperament isn’t a priority, you run a much higher risk of raising a fearful, anxious, or reactive dog—none of which are a good fit for an emotional support role.
And rescue puppies? While I’m absolutely pro-rescue, it’s important to remember that many have unknown backgrounds, early life trauma, or unstable temperaments. They can absolutely make wonderful pets—but should not be given the job of emotionally supporting a vulnerable child without serious evaluation and training.
If we truly want our children to benefit from the amazing potential of dog companionship, we need to stop romanticizing the idea of “puppy heals child” and start approaching it more realistically. That means seeking expert guidance, choosing the right dog on purpose, and understanding that dogs—especially puppies—aren’t therapy tools. They’re living beings with their own needs.
Done right, this can be a beautiful partnership. But done carelessly, it’s a fast road to disappointment, confusion, and stress—for the child, the family, and the dog.
My advice for anyone looking for an emotional support dog for themselves or for their child is look at a dog that’s already out of puppyhood. Maybe a dog that flunked out of ‘guide dog’ school for some reason but is still a really solid dog.
If you do want to start with the puppy road make sure to enlist a trainer that knows how to train for ESD’s and be prepared to see training this dog as an additional job to your schedule for the next year or so.
