12/02/2025
Wow!
I guess I need to up my game trying to get my colony adopted!
😂😉
ADOPTION WARNING: Do NOT Commit to This Dog
(Unless You're a Ma*****st with Great Insurance)
Meet Comet—the 5-month-old, 35-pound (and aggressively growing) Great Pyrenees mix who is currently powered by pure fluff, instincts, and a deep-seated belief that you are inferior. He is a giant, gorgeous, blindingly white glitter-cloud with eyes that would stop traffic (which is good, because his adult self will be so handsome, cars will slam on their brakes to admire him, thus causing traffic jams anyway).
He’s looking for a guardian, not an owner, because he is a Great Pyrenees, and the feeling that you are utterly inadequate is simply baked into his DNA. His ancestors were ancient mountain flock guardians who made life-or-death judgment calls. He will judge you. He will likely find you lacking. You spilled coffee? Lacking. You chose that shirt? Lacking. You forgot to bow when you entered the room? You get the picture.
The Comet Commitment Contract (Read Before Applying)
• The Heirloom Hazard: He will chew. Specifically, he will gravitate toward the rungs of that antique chair your great-grandpa lovingly made in the family barn. His mission is to test your devotion by seeing if you can resist committing harm upon his majestic, fluffy person. This is his Pyr test.
• The Neighborhood Watch: Forget your "government name." You will henceforth be known as Comet's Mom/Dad. He will ensure the entire neighborhood knows who you are, specifically because he will bark to let everyone know he is aware of a cricket farting three counties away and is on top of things. You won't need an alarm system. You'll have Comet's highly detailed, ear-shattering gastric reports.
• The Finder of Lost Things: Comet is a connoisseur of forgotten treasures. He will find the keys, socks, and possibly your sanity you thought were long gone, and then present them to you... mangled and covered in drool.
• The Land Requirement: He will likely wander. He will likely create Pyr bunkers—craters in your yard that serve as his personal, dirt-based decompression chambers. He will likely not make a good apartment dog. He needs space to patrol and judge passing squirrels.
• The Fluff & Fidelity: He will love his people fiercely. He views you as his flock, and he will keep you and yours safe. If Comet doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either. Trust his mountain instincts.
• The Adult Reality: Prepare for a gentle giant (around 100+ lbs of gorgeous, shedding fluff). Adult Pyrs are notoriously independent, stubborn, and have zero recall. Their job was to stay with the sheep, not come when called. They are masters of the "Pyr Paw"—a gentle, but insistent shove of a massive paw to demand attention, treats, or that you stop breathing so loudly.
Your job, should you choose to accept this life of noble servitude, is to help Comet grow up to be a fabulous glitter cloud so good that even Santa will brag on him to all his wee reindeer.
He’s worth the destruction. Seriously. Probably.
Ready to surrender your home, furniture, and personal identity to this magnificent creature?
Please complete the adoption application on Big Fluffy's website and then email her coordinator at [email protected]! Don't forget to drink your water, eat something green, get outside and blow that stank off ya, and when presented with the chance to be kind; choose to be kinder than you need to be.
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