17/03/2023
I’d like to start this page by telling my story of my own dog. I’ve kept this pretty quiet, mostly because it makes me cry every time I discuss it, but this is the sole reason I opened The Sunset Vets. It’s a long one, but I feel it’s time to share.
Cash was my heart dog. He was my first dog I purchased on my own. I got a Treeing Walker Coonhound because the only thing I really knew about my grandfather was that he raised and hunted them. I felt I needed to connect with him in some way, so I sought out the dog I would name Cash. He moved to the island of St Kitts with me when he was 10 months old. He was a hard dog. Barked, ran after the monkeys (no joke), and broke into the fridge every time I turned around. But, he was my best friend. We moved like 100 times, he took it in stride. He was there for all the major events and life changes.
Every year I felt like it was going to be my last with him. I’m obviously influenced by my job and all the negativity feeds into my personal life. Once we got to double digits I quit praying for another year and started thanking God for the years he had given me with this silly dog. I played over and over in my mind how his euthanasia would go, and I cried every time I thought of it. But Cash kept on, as active as ever.
As he aged, he got laryngeal paralysis. Not severe, but enough that I knew that would be what made me make the call. I promised him from a young age I wouldn’t prolong his life for my benefit. This dog was active, wild and needed his freedom. A restricted life was not for him.
The day finally came, after his 14th birthday, that his eyes were different, his breathing was different, and he tried to hide from me for the first time in his life. I broke inside, I knew. My husband wanted me to take him to the clinic for a full work up, but I didn’t want to. My gut said not to let him suffer for 1 minute. I had to keep my promise to him. I sat with him in my room trying to come to terms with the fact I was going to end the life of my best friend. The one who kept me safe over seas. The one who supported me through vet school, marriage and kids. He just laid with his head on my leg as if he knew I needed time to process. Once I got the courage, I walked him to the barn with me. Something we had done many times. I pulled up the sedation drugs and just held the syringe for what felt like an eternity. I knew once I injected it I couldn’t turn back. I finally put myself into work mode and just did it, like I’ve done so many times. He fell asleep on my lap, I injected the solution to stop his heart without thinking, but as soon as I finished, I collapsed on him. It took a few minutes for the emotions to hit me. I called myself a monster in my head. Seriously who can euthanize their own dog? I prayed for peace about the whole thing. My husband encouraged me to cremate him so we could spread his ashes on his favorite beach. So we did just that. It took time, but I realized the experience had purpose. I had to feel that extreme pain to be able to empathize with other families who need this service. I felt called to tap into a very uncomfortable industry because that’s exactly where I am able to love people the most.
I don’t enjoy this side of my business at all, but I find value in making the process a little easier. Making the memory a comfortable one to think about. So please reach out if you need help, even if it’s just processing the pain. I’ve been there 🧡 Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my sweet Cash.