Runa, the Service Dog

02/06/2024

Tried to post this a few days ago but guess it didn’t upload just some video of runas latest new task. Never underestimate a true service dog

02/06/2024

Runa turned 8 years old today. I can’t believe it has almost been 8 years since I brought her home. After years of searching and heartbreaking results. To finally have her and know she was a good prospect. There’s many reasons why her registered name is Dreams Made Flesh. First, because that is precisely who and what she is. Secondly, I am a huge black jewels trilogy geek and she is and was the culmination of YEARS of dreaming, and the changes she made/ continues to make in my life really resemble the changes Witch made in the realms. It’s also one reason I call her witch-child

12/24/2023

Merry Christmas . Happy Belated solstice and happy holidays to you all. Dropping in to share video of Runa with her Yule gift. Got fresh bones and organs from a local farm that were harvested Friday. So I split it up between some fellow pup owners and I. So I gave runa. Lower leg to work on it took her a bit, but she figured it out

12/09/2023

Never underestimate the skills of a service dog. Runa is now 7 years old soon to be 8. And she is still developing her own alerts and tasks to adapt to my changing/decreasing health. Last spring and summer it was waking me up from flashbacks/nightmares by scratching at the door like she had to go to the bathroom. then either sitting at the top of the stairs or herding me away from going back to bed. On really bad nights she would insist on going out but only sit on the ground til I joined her.

A few months ago between a second surgery to attempt to remove a mass out of my throat (since the local “surgeon” botched it and my aftercare) my pain and heart level spiked. She started herding me to the side of the road on our walks and stopping dead in her tracks if I tried to keep walking. I took this as her being disobedient and got very frustrated. I am used to dealing with/ignoring pain and the body I am in so I didn’t pay attention.
When I DID pay attention, I noticed after a few minutes of being still and quiet while she watched me like a HAWK. She would go back to walking normally for awhile then repeat. A couple of weeks ago she started being more insistent so input it together that it was probably a cardiac/body pain alert. So I started sitting on the ground when she herded me to the side. THAT was apparently the right answer. As she would stand over me so I couldn’t get back up. Until she decided to let me.
I started actually checking in with myself and realized there was a correlation between them so now if I overdo it or ignore my body’s signals I know she is telling me to take a break

Pics : A tricolor collie laying down after she decided I listened to her, and runas normal walking pace and attention will try and get video of the other reaction and post it. She will probably alert again on the walk since I have a foot injury. And I am ignoring/shut off the sensation other than pressure in that foot

Sharon Wachsler Caryln Fasnacht see the amazing gift you provided me with.

11/29/2023

Heya all first post in a long time I know. It has been a hell of a year with a botched surgery by an incompetent doctor . Recovery from that mess. Finally getting a referral to a competent surgeon and having to go up and back to St. Louis multiple times. Runa getting attacked by a neighbors dog a week before my second surgery. Trying to get her healthy again. My own recovery and finding out the surgery partially paralyzed my larynx. Medication stopped working on top of other things… yea so Runa nor I have been doing a lot.

Yesterday, I took Runa to counseling with me and to our coffee time with friends afterward. She did amazing both places. He was her first official vested outing in awhile other than work. I am hoping to start incorporating her back into things . Was terrified the attack would make her unable to work, but thank Gods that hasn’t been the case

09/19/2023

Runa is trying out a new skill today.West plains NASDA training. We just did her first runs tracking the rats with the trainer and runa had a blast will post videos in a bit

08/22/2023

I know it’s been quiet around here. It has been an incredibly rough few months between my health, surgeries and Runa being attacked a few weeks ago on our walk. It was a week before I had another surgery to try and remove a mass out of my throat. So BAD timing. Thank Gods for two local vets, and Runa’s amazing petsitter HomeBuddy who took care of her while I was in the hospital across the state. We are both recovering though the surgery left me with laryngeal paralysis because of nerve damage.
The short version is that half my larynx is paralyzed and no longer moves independently. Since I am one of the “lucky” ones that the flap has move close to the center. I am working with a permanently halved airway. So with temps over 100 the last few days and continuing through this week. Going outside is not a good option and frankly a crap shoot as to what affects it will have.
Runa had recently been starting a new task when waking me up from night terrors/flashbacks. She would wake me up like she needed to go to the bathroom. I would open the door and she would only go to the top of the stairs and lay down. If I tried to go back to bed she would herd me away from the bed and back out into the hall. And keep doing this til she judged it was ok for me to return to bed. That was before the surgery.
This morning we got out before it got too hot and started on our previously usual walking path ( she and I have been avoiding the site where the attack occurred so that has shortened our walks considerably) . Everything was going pretty well, we made it past the attack site with no issues. I crossed the street because even after leaving her gate I pen and her dog out. Now her fence is broken along the side and doesn’t look like it’s been repaired in weeks. Runa was walking right along and I was handling it ok til we got down by the high school. The temp had increased so I was starting to have problems breathing but this was Runas walk and I wasn’t going to interfere with it. She started sniffing around, looking back at me, sniff, look
Then she looked at me hard and turned around and walked back up the hill VERY fast. And she kept looking back at me til I matched her pace and walked beside her. She was still walking very fast and watching me. I told her “yes, I get it I need to get out of the heat” at which point she looked at me like “finally, you caught on”. She pulled into the drive way and only started slowing down then and then came inside and lay down while we both cooled off.

Proof that when you have a dog that is RIGHT for service dog work it’s the best investment you can make. Even when your disabilities change and expand they pick up on it. Changing up the pic tax cause I don’t have any current ones of runa without her injuries. Soo instead I share this gorgeous Ardennes stallion who is going to be a reference pic for my back piece

07/05/2023

Your dog might be a TINY bit spoiled if you travel alone, but get a room with a king size bed. So she can fold space and take up most of it. Does not look like she does but I only have the upper left corner.

05/01/2023

You MIGHT be a Survivor of some truly fu**ed up stuff if you can turn off pain that is enough to make even you grey out just to help clients load and unload groceries and take your pup walk for several Miles!!

Yes I have gone to doc. Gotten labs and three day course of steroids in case this is gout or another inflammation. If that and first aid measures don’t fix it we will get X-rays thurs

Update turns out thanks to injuries, genetics or murphys law; I have osteo arthritis in that ankle on top of the RA like reaction everywhere else

04/11/2023

Never underestimate your pups!!!! It’s been a beyond fu**ed two years and more between Runa’s first cancer, the pandemic, school, Sara dying, dealing with probate ( which even after two years STILL isn’t closed), my health crashing- on all levels, graduation, and trying to piece together things.

Things are slowly developing- my job as a driver is going well. Slowly getting a handle on my physical health, and trying to manage when all my plans are on hold. My mental health has been some REALLY DARK PLACES.

The last few weeks Runa has had strange behaviors like waking me up to take her out but only going to the top of the stairs or just Sitting looking at me or waking me up by licking my face. It’s happened a few times now and I have discovered a pattern it’s related to memories/night terrors like I haven’t had in awhile. Like since before she came into my life.
Think I figured out it’s a new application of her tasks for interruption and getting me out of stressful situations so now I know what she is telling me I know how to respond and why it’s happening

So here at 7 years old and almost 7 years together she has developed a new task and new way of helping me. Pics from some of
Our twice daily walks over the last few days

12/30/2022

This is the deck that I am in

As this project comes to an end, I want to give you all a huge thank you for supporting me over these five years. This deck provided me financial security for the first time in my life (tough to get as a disabled person) and has been a part of helping me move to a new country.

By supporting this project, you’ve made a huge difference in my life. I’m a disabled and trans survivor of trafficking–and was greatly impacted by that experience. Although I’ve been healing from my traumas for six years, and recovered from all psychiatric conditions, it took a great toll on my body, and that still sits with me. I have ME/CFS and non-epileptic seizures, which require me to pace my energy extremely carefully.

This is also why I’m closing down this project. My health took a downturn after catching the ‘current plague’ and I have to moderate my energy more than ever. So I would be extremely grateful if you could help me clear the remaining inventory by sharing this project or buying a deck for personal use, a gift, or to keep as a limited edition collector's item!

I feel incredibly grateful for your support in last year’s Kickstarter, as we went past the needed funding, and that helps make this move a reality–combined with a few other factors. Especially as my health is more precarious, working my part-time freelance job is tough–so deck sales really help me rest more.

All in all, thank you for supporting me throughout the journey of this deck. You’ve all transformed my life–and I’ll be forever grateful for that! 💗

12/16/2022

Today is a day when having a service dog and attendant psych issues rears it’s ugly head. Runa didn’t want to go on her usual walk today and got up from her nap momentarily limping on her left rear leg. Then I have to realize she is almost 7 , the wind is bitingly cold, and we did a lot of walks by yesterday. I checked her over and she wasn’t showing any signs of pain or discomfort. So here is hoping. Noting this to refer back to later

12/06/2022

I know it’s been quiet on here but since graduation my health crashed among other things here are a few photos from the last few weeks

08/18/2022

Please keep Runa in your thoughts today she is at the vet getting radiographs to figure out her symptoms

08/11/2022

Runa’s card and story came up today

Runa is the beautiful model for the 10 of Wands card! She’s also a service dog and, given that the whole point of this project is to raise awareness and funds for service dogs…this card holds a special place in our heart.

The 10 of Wands is about carrying a burden–perhaps a situation that started off good, or something you’ve lived with for a while like a chronic illness. It’s this latter meaning that really connects with this dog’s story.

Runa literally saved their human’s life. They had been hospitalized several times due to disability, but since she came into their life: hospital trips stopped, a graduate degree was pursued, a cross-country move happened, clergy training started, and a part time job was on the schedule. What a wildly awesome improvement!

The 10 of Wands reminds us that burdens can go two directions: They can completely burn us out, or–with support–we can thrive. It’s a community card, in my book. We can’t always carry our burdens alone, but when we have another (human or canine) to help, they become lighter.

Our deck is meant to be an optimistic read on RWS symbols! Get your copy at the link in our bio.

P.S. Check out Runa, the Service Dog for more

12/07/2021

Yeah more medical bu****it. Was supposed to get my gallbladder removal surgery scheduled yesterday. Instead, I got misgendered even after I corrected him and asked him to use he. Told that I don’t have gallstones at all just sludge in my gallbladder. But that my NASH is the reason for all the symptoms I have been having, and he won’t do anything til more tests are run. Which from my experience with 4 weeks before I even get a call back about SCHEDULING an ultrasound for my gallbladder. Is not hopeful or helpful after three MONTHS of this. He told me not to cry but use the time I would be waiting to get on a low fat diet, exactly what the f**k part of I can only eat a few ounces per day implied there was a diet anywhere in this. Then told me I came to him for his advice and that taking my gallblader out wouldn’t do any good because Dr. Cochran was wrong and even if he did start the surgery the size and unknown about my liver may mean cancelling the surgery after he started. He showed me a scan from SEPTEMBER. Where my liver took up over half the screen. I am like why the f**k is this the first I am hearing this. Then he started back on me about crying. Call Dr. Cochran, get told they are trying to rush the test, yeah like the times I called and informed you about not hearing back about the ultrasound helped SOOOO MUCH. So I have ten pain pills to last me til ozarks gets it’s ass in gear, or I die from whatever they are refusing to treat. I am kinda past caring which comes first.
I have a call in to my primary to see if she will call in a refill. I am currently in the behavioral health office waiting to talk to the home case manager person. I got here at 730 am after not sleeping to talk to her and my med prescriber since weeks of messages, pleading and trying to use every route I know to get messages to and From my med prescriber have borne no results . One of the scheduling staff overheard my check in and I have an appt with med prescriber this afternoon, supposedly now the case manager person is supposed to be on her ways

Oh and the patient complaint person at ozarks who is sooooo in the wrong job, called me last night after that s**tastic day to tell me the disrespect and lack of treatment I have received was entirely appropriate since I don’t have gallstones, unlike what dr. Cochran told me on Thursday, oh and they can not validate that I had any interaction at all with the girl who touched me or the one that told me to stop pretending to be a woman and cut my dick off cause I was never getting discharged, but apparently that is fine for anyone who has the misfortune of going to ozarks healthcare especially the bhu. Not that people who are having mental health crises deserve safety, respect, or timely replies to their concerns. 6 weeks of being ghosted, lied to and then that s**t

12/06/2021

Dear Doctors,
Please for the love of whatever you hold dear get your HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES when it comes to trans and heavily modified people and our medical issues. Found out last week that my symptoms FOR THE LAST THREE MONTHS have been from gallstones. When I went to the ER a little over a week ago. The gallstones and DISTENDED gallbladder full of stones were found on a CT scan. Along with a hernia and scarring on my lungs.

WHAT WASN’T FOUND you may ask? DR. Craig Horstman’s ethics or personal responsibility. He read the ct or pretended to. Told me they just found a swollen liver. (I have had NASH since I was a teen which I told them). Told me I had nausea and vomiting(which was NO WHERE in the symptoms I listed upon check in or have experienced for the last THREE MONTHS. And sent me home with nausea meds. No information about the gallstones, the hernia, the scarring or anything else the CT scan found. I left thinking what the f**k else can go wrong after the last 3 months. Laying on my floor crying from pain. Oh but he did make sure to include an opioid safety sheet. EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN’T ADMINISTER OR PRESCRIBE ANY PAIN MEDICATION AT ALL.( nor did he even BOTHER to refer me for surgery.

4 days later!!!!!! I get in to see my internist. ( oh yeah we had been waiting 3 WEEKS to schedule an ultrasound of my gallbladder- which DR. Horstman had been told) and the FIRST WORDS OUT OF DR. Cochran mouth are you have severe case of gallstones we need to get you scheduled for surgery for removal. So 4 days and NO ONE THOUGHT CALLING ME, surgical referral OR ANYTHING?!?!?!?

I was so in shock after that s**t show, that I focused on proving it, I got the scan and the report which verified what I told dr
Horse’s ass. Oh and dr Cochran didn’t give me pain med either, when I called my p*p on Friday she acted like I was a drug seeking addict, told me I couldn’t drink while taking this med (I DONT FU***NG DRINK ANYWAY WHICH YOU KNOW) AND that she would only give me enough for the weekend WTEF.
I cut for OVER 30 years. I laugh through getting my elbow tattooed and have severe reactive arthritis, if I am actually ASKING for pain medication that means it’s more than every single rewiring that was done to me, every trick I know, and every single f**king tool I have is NOT WORKING. and I don’t have enough spoons to rig anything else, but let’s treat me like I am making it up cause I am heavily modified .

YEAH F**K THAT. I was r***d, tortured, mentally, physically and sexually abused for over ten years of my life. Dec 7 is the 46th anniversary of the first time I was molested. Do the math. But let’s pretend just for a second that you did this to someone without my history. Oh yeah, cause they are chronically Ill, live with a disability or anything else

12/03/2021

Note for future reference don’t bother calling . Especially if you get a woman named maiZee. She will not only blow off and diminish how you are feeling. She will encourage you to die. F**k you and your fake “helpline”

11/27/2021

And the "fun" continues. Went to urgent care this am cause abdominal pain went off the f**king charts. Urgent care doc did eval. And now i am at er for eval and LONG list of bloodwork and scans

11/26/2021

Probably bad sign that i break down crying and just saying f**k it. I quit when she asks to go out after one pf the most fu**ed days i have had in awhile

11/26/2021

This year. My younger cousin died of covid last christmas. My mom was infected with covid by a "friend" who was my aunts hospice nurse. She was 85 and had copd for over 20 years. She never came back home.she went from the crappiest "healthcare" setting i have EVER seen to rehab to assisted living, back to the Er, back to assisted living, back to hospital where she got another covid infection. She went to hospice and died per her wishes. During all this my anti-depressant stopped working after 10+ years. I was still juggling her situation, school and everything else. I have been barely functional since she died in april. I tried going to a local naturopath, but other than the nearly $1,000 in charges all i got was disrespect and anti-transgender bu****it saying he didn't see a reason to respect my gender since i chose to change how god made me. Oh and 5 columns of food i couldnt eat. I re tore my rotator cuff, git double kidney infections that the er here wanted to admit me for.Its been over two months since i could eat more than a few ounces of food without severe pain.it got so bad i lived off gatorade and ensure.i got in to see my internist. He wanted to do endoscopy. Almost 3 weeks later. He did colonoscopy at the same time cause i was due after they found pre-cancerous cells in the one i had last year. They put me on meds for the stomach, and found out a week later they found more pre-canceous cells,but the doc was on vacation so i didnt know what those results would mean and had no way to find out. While all this fun was happening i begged my med prescriber for psych meds to give me something to help me sleep. She was also on vacation. When i called the next week. I "mistakenly" got told that she couldnt help me and to goto the er. ( even though we had discussed a sleep med if the latest cocktail of meds didnt help) . so after continuing to spiral and getting only 2 hours most nights, i went to er for behavioral health to give me a change in meds

HUGE MISTAKE. First, not allowed clothing, reading materials, stuffed animals, personal bedding, coloring or anything else. I had to fight to get my cpap and then could only use it while someone was watching me on overnight shift and usually halfway through overnight shift.til 5 am only.
Second, i wasn't supposed to have an issue with another patient breaking through our shared bathroom door trying to land on my bed, standing over me, and when i said something i got moved to a room where there wasn't an outlet for my cpap at all.
Third, this place was bad. Saw one doc sat. He was good, but the HOSPITAL DIDN'T EVEN CARRY THE MED HE WANTED TO PUT ME ON. I would have had to get a friend to pick up the script ( at the HOSPITAL employee pharmacy across the street, and have them bring it to the hospital) Nor could they get the medication for my stomach, nor could they be bothered for several days to lete have my thyroid medication at the appropriate time. They told me i was refusing meds. You are supposed to take thyroid meds on empty stomach not 10 mins after you eat. Was supposed to see the other sunday. Nope, he walked out for lunch and quit. So they called an icu doc back from vacation to fill in on BOTH wards. Saw him for 2 days. And tried to get an answer about when i could go home.
I waited 24 hours for that answer. Meanwhile, i was placed on the girls side, touched without permission repeatedly in front of staff, when i asked why nothing was done or said to her. THE NURSE'S response was we try to ignore her, saying anything just makes it worse. Glad to know ozarks healthcare cares about their patients safety soooo much.
I went back to my room. Still not having an answer even though i was repeatedly told i would have an answer BEFORE THE DOCTOR LEFT FOR THE EVENING.
I WEnt to the day room. Where some fundie trump supporting bitch ( she had gone on repeated pro trump rants during what was supposed to be coping skills class) told me that i should stop pretending to be a woman and cut my dick off and that i was never going to get discharged. Just proves how f**king stupid she is. Where i went back to my room after telling her to take that comment and her pro trump rants and shove them up her ass.
During the night they moved my roommate out and moved another individual in. Who was on oxygen and needed monitoring. When his gasping for breath or alarms didnt wake me up. The staff who was supposed to be monitoring his O2 levels but was watching videos loudly on his phone did.
The next morning, i spoke to one of the day shift nurses who filed a complaint for me. I met with DON and complaint office staff. Right after that meeting, i get told by the "social worker" that i am not getting discharged and he doesnt know when but its definitely not today. Right after that, i talk to doc. Who was waiting til after i met with complaint and after having me go through the whole mess AGAIN. Says he will discharge me asap.. His version of asap is over an hour.meanwhile i am getting s**t from the nurse about the fact i am pi**ed off.

So yeah for future reference do not goto bhu at ozarks healthcare if you need safety, respect or meds. As will be explained in part 2. My med prescriber NEVER left message for me to goto er with the phone nurse, and its now been almost 4 weeks. After repeated calls to their complaint and advocacy dept. I finally heard back LAST FRIDAY.when i was told the nursing supervisor on the ward was supposed to have contacted me. He didnt. We were supposed to all speak on the phone last monday. Neither one called. I called on tuesday. Crickets. Its now 1 am friday morning
And after my experience there, i am afraid to go inpatient again. But that doesnt f**king matter to them. Nor that its been two weeks waiting to even schedule an ultrasound. Nor that they have a rheumatologist there that says detransitioning will cure my reactive arthritis, pulls out other patients medical records circles THEIR MEDS ON THEIR RECORDS and asks why i am not taking what he prescribed for me and whose staff can't be bothered to check their files and see i have and have been undergoing treatment for over 3 years, in their hospital system, for something they suggested i get tested for by my primary doctor. What the ever living f**k?

11/25/2021

Sometimes i seriously question why i didnt just stop the last time i tried to die.days like today make the struggles, the pain, and caring feel like the second biggest mistake i ever made. When they tell you things get better its not always true

10/10/2021

Magnesium sulfate actually tastes worse on the way back up. Can't wait for this procedure junk to be over

09/24/2021

Holy gods reactive arthritis + double kidney infection( resolved) + the beautiful addition of a sinus infection ( which means i cant and haven't been able to take my arthritis medication for almost a month now)= kyndyl curled up whimpering cause everything from stomach down feels like someone is stabbing me with knives and someone left one in the side of my right knee. F**kkkkkkkkkk!

09/22/2021

it's truly sad that an army chaplain candidate has so little understanding or care for how his words paint his view of non-Christians.

09/19/2021

West plains ER is not the place i wanted to spend yet ANOTHER sunday morning, but here i am.....Again.

09/12/2021

"It is said that the future is always born in pain. The history of war is the history of pain. If we are wise, what is born of that pain matures into the promise of a better world, because we learn that we can no longer afford the mistakes of the past."

I've been running from thinking about this day .. all day. thinking about that morning. When I was in columbia, SC, getting ready to leave for campus for my classes for the day. I don't remember why I turned on the TV. but I remember bryant gumble announcing that a plane had hit the first tower. that there had been an "accident". While he was talking, the second plane hit the other tower. Then the pentagon, then the plane crashed in Pennsylvania. I lived a few miles from Ft. Jackson, that immediately went into lockdown, classes were cancelled and were told to basically shelter in place and wait for updates.
My high school was mostly military families and a LOT of our graduates went into the service academies, or straight into basic upon graduation (the first female capt of cadets at west point graduated right before I did from my school). I went down the list of all my friends and people I knew, that might have been in the towers, on those planes, and the others who would soon be covering for bush's "crusade" and dying because of it. My disability was having a field day that day. thank gods for my pups- Connor and Pugsley. they kept me grounded, as much as they could and gave me a LOT of reasons to stay away from the tv. I remember writing my professors to find out what they wanted to do and tell them I wouldn't be coming to campus. Most replied that they weren't either and to stay home. The attacks on muslims or women wearing headcoverings started soon after on campus.

In those twenty years we've lost more than two generations of people to wars based on lies, misinformation, hatred of people for being different. People who went over there will never be the same from what they saw and experienced. Many never came home. their children took their places on the battlefields and nothing changed. Now after one president signed a withdrawal agreement with the taliban.. his successor is being accused of signing the agreement. 22 veterans die each day because the struggle to survive isn't worth the cost it requires. if we're to have a future, we have to see that the cost of lies, tyranny, and hatred of those who are different isn't worth another generation. isn't worth another single life lost to things that could be prevented.

09/10/2021

There are truly times being a pessimist come in handy. I got back to missouri yesterday. Movers arrive sunday MORNING.I was calling to verify the storage rentals for everything.only to find out the place had rented out the larger of my units. The owner got involved and i have a larger unit now for the same price but holy f**k that was some stressy juggling

08/26/2021

and to continue in this week's WTF path. temp spiked to over 104 yesterday. went to the ER around 5 pm, got into a room around 1 am. bilateral kidney infections. they wanted to admit me but said it was my choice. On the plus side I now have two negative covid tests in the last 24 hours. two negative uti tests. learned a new blood draw. think I've given enough blood in the last 24 hours to have lost a couple gallons.

08/22/2021

Something they don't tell you when you're working through C-PTSD stuff. that when things change, your health issues are going to go off the f**king CHARTS. my pain tolerance is almost NOTHING!!!! I only made it 90 mins for my session on thurs that I have been looking forward to for MONTHS!!!!!!!so now I have a leg to heal, a RA flare that is f**king ridiculous, flashbacks and running a fever cause my body's in overdrive between all of this.. F**k!!!!