10/23/2025
My heart is broken.
I don’t know how to put into words how devastating this day has been for us here.
We lost Howard. Our Howie. He’s gone and I don’t even know how to process.
Three nights ago, while tucking everyone in, Howie was having some difficulty breathing. He had lost weight in the days prior, relatively quickly. He got up and moved a bit but he wasn’t himself. He ate a little bit, was still drinking. His color was pale. Temp was normal. Thinking he may have the start of pneumonia, I started him on antibiotics and gave him a shot of pain meds to make him more comfortable.
Last evening, he hadn’t improved. I called our vet on the ER line and requested they come out tomorrow (today) as I felt he needed a stronger antibiotic and wanted them to do a blood draw, f***l and of course, check his lungs for the suspected pneumonia.
The visit we had wasn’t anything close to what we expected. Howie’s heart rate was 120 (normal is 75-80) and he had a grade 4 heart murmur. He was struggling to breathe and there was fluid in his abdominal cavity. He was in heart failure.
I don’t even know what else to say now. We had to make the most unselfish and heartbreaking decision to let him go. This wouldn’t get better and in fact, he would have suffered.
Howie was my beautiful bottle baby. My loving, kind and affectionate boy. There wasn’t a mean or aggressive bone in his perfect body. At just over 2 years old, he didn’t deserve this. He had so much more life to live, so much more love to give. I am broken and my heart feels like it might just shatter. I’m just so incredibly sad. I haven’t felt this pit since I lost my Gilly and it’s tearing me apart inside.
Rest peacefully, my sweetest boy. You deserved so much more time with us and your family.
Mama loves you, baby boy. I love you so so much. ❤️
