11/05/2025
As I head down the path of starting another girl in agility and preparing to compete with another one of my girls I’m thankful this post was shared with me.
When I was running Prim in agility it was very important to me to remember to never fuss at Prim for mistakes I made which caused her to then make a mistake (95% of the time it’s the handlers fault!). I got hung up on a particular aspect of the sport (redoing a piece of equipment if it was missed) and it took me a long time to make a choice that I was happy with. How I finally made my decision on how to handle ‘missed’ pieces of equipment was based on watching a very seasoned world champion handler and her dog who botched the entry to the weave poles. It was a very hard entry and almost all the dogs had missed it. The handlers who ‘fussed’ at their dogs, flipped them around, and restarted the weaves, their dogs body language CLEARLY showed ‘stress,’ where up until that point, looked as though they were having the time of their lives. But this one handler verbally rewarded the dog and kept on trucking (at the level they are competing you can’t have any mistakes as that is a Non Qualifying score even if you redo the piece of equipment and get it right the next time). Her dog never showed the stress and run beautifully for the remainder of the run. At that moment I knew I wanted to handle like her verses the others who fussed and essentially made their dogs show obvious ‘stress.’
So I made it a point to not fuss at Prim and to always tell her how awesome she was. But what I did to myself was a whole other story! The internal battle I fought and the feeling of not being ‘good enough’ of a handler.
I hope with my new up and comer I can continue always telling my dog how awesome she is even if our run was an NQ, but learn to be ‘kinder and gentler’ to my own self so that the journey for me is as fun as it is for my dog!
Time will tell!
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𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗪𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗧𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗗𝗼𝗴’𝘀 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲
So I am sedgwaying (is that a word? LOL) off of my recent post about 𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝘃𝘀. 𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗞, I wanted to explore another layer. As both an instructor and a coach, I study behavior, not only in dogs, but in people. The two are inseparable. I’m constantly asking why we do what we do, how our reactions shape our dogs, and how our mindset influences performance. This reflection on validation comes straight from that ongoing search for understanding.
It’s such a common experience in agility, that subtle, unspoken belief that our worth as handlers, trainers, or even people somehow depends on how well our dog performs. Maybe your dog knocks a bar, or misses a contact and you feel embarrassed. Maybe you are late cuing your dog, and your inner critic whispers, “You’re not all THAT” Maybe someone compliments you and your dog’s run, and it lights you up because it validates you. I really believe this isn’t vanity. It is a NEED!!
Our brains are wired to seek external validation. When we Q, earn a ribbon, or get praise from others, it triggers the same dopamine response as any other form of achievement.
Just like achieving titles and Qs, it feels amazing so we chase it again. But the more we chase it, the more our sense of identity becomes fused with 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀. We stop asking, “Did my dog and I have fun?” Or “Hmm.. I need to work on that skill for homework”. And instead we internally start putting pressure on ourselves to achieve that outcome.
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝘆
That’s when agility can shift from joy to pressure. This may not look obvious but I think this is an internal battle/pressure that we feel. We get frustrated with our dogs for small mistakes. We raise our voices as we get anxious to get that Q. We lose patience, not because we don’t love our dogs, but because our self-worth is on the line. It’s subtle. But it happens to the best of us.
𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗝𝗼𝘆. 𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲-𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴
Let’s talk about something that quietly drains joy from the sport we love: 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗽. That loop starts when our focus shifts from how we’re growing to what we’re achieving. Suddenly, our worth gets tangled up in results:
- Did I Q?
- Did we place?
- Did others, or your circle of friends, think we ran well?
It feels motivating at first. Results give our brain a hit of dopamine. But the brain quickly adapts. It needs more results, more wins, more validation to feel that same high. And when we don’t get it? Cortisol spikes. Stress, self-doubt, frustration all kick in. That’s outcome-based thinking.
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗮 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺
When we focus on outcomes (things we can’t fully control), our brain moves into a threat state. That part of the brain that manages fear and threat detection, becomes more active and it leads to:
* Overthinking (“Don’t mess up the weave entry!”)
* Tight, hesitant movement (your body literally mirrors anxiety)
* Tunnel vision (losing awareness of flow and overall connection)
* Reduced confidence (every mistake feels like failure)
This is what is called ego-oriented motivation. It is where success is about proving your worth. It’s fragile and unsustainable and unfortunately I think our dog’s pay the price.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗚𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵-𝗕𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴
When you shift from “Did I win?” to “What did I learn?”, you activate an entirely different system called the The approach system also know as Behavioral Approach System (BAS). This lights up the prefrontal cortex, the area linked to problem-solving, focus, and emotional regulation. This is called task-oriented motivation and athletes who train this way perform with:
* Better confidence and emotional control
* Faster recovery from mistakes
* Higher long term satisfaction and resilience
Growth based thinkers don’t avoid failure, they use it as data. I think that is why I am so comfortable with the “Growth Based Thinking” as I really love data because it ALWAYS gives you so much information. My nerdy math brain fires off of it 🙂
𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁
Start measuring your progress with process-based goals, not results. Instead of “Did I Q?”, ask:
- Did I handle timely and give my dog the necessary information?
- Did my dog perform the contact obstacles correctly?
- Did I execute the plan I walked?
These questions retrain your brain to associate reward with learning, not with the outcome.
𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀
Outcome based thinking fixates on things you can’t control like judges, weather, course design, your competitor’s run. I have heard it so many times that a judge, or course design somehow were what caused a bad run or a low Q rate for competitors.
Shifting the blame to something or someone else is something we cannot control or even make better!. Growth-based thinking focuses on what you can control:
* Your mindset before stepping to the line
* Your breathing
* Your handling decisions
* Your response after an error
This is what sports psychologists call 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀, and it’s strongly tied to consistent performance under pressure.
𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁.
After every run, reflect like an athlete in training and not a competitor seeking approval:
* What went well?
* What did I learn about my dog today?
* What will I try differently next time?
This pattern develops what’s known as 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 which is the ability to find satisfaction internally rather than through comparison. Over time, it literally rewires your reward system toward growth and mastery.
𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 “𝘄𝗵𝘆.”
So initially I think that most of us did not start agility for ribbons. We just wanted to DO agility with our dogs. At least I know I did. However, something happens along the way and our focus becomes more outcome driven i.e. titles and Qs.
When you reconnect to that initial purpose for doing agility, performance anxiety loses its grip. You’re not out there proving anything, instead you’re collaborating, learning, and growing with your dog.
𝗕𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗼𝗺 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲:
Outcome-based thinking feeds ego.
Growth-based thinking feeds excellence.
One keeps you chasing validation. The other helps you build it from the inside out where joy, confidence, and true partnership live.
