02/25/2024
My idiot neighbor has been complaining that my dog has been barking when I leave my house. If you know me I hate electric zapping bark collars. So I purchased a citronella collar. So, before I had to leave, I was getting the collar ready. There was no light or indication that it was working, so...being the idiot I am, I'm standing on my porch ‘barking’ at my dog collar...nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the ‘get started’ check list one more time. Again...I bark and nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure why I had the next thought, but I did-I put on the collar. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked...apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face, I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to sq**rt bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands n knees in the yard trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is now barking at me. So between coughing and yelling at the dog to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw the dang thing across the yard. There I am laying in the grass (and probably in dog p**p) sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking that this has probably been the dumbest thing I've done in a very long time...I hear laughter (cackling). MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING!!! 👀 He was laughing so hard he couldnt breathe, between gasps, he tells me "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb the fence, your dog would start barking and set it off again and then I'd start laughing and couldn't make it.” So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was OK we parted ways. And I immediately went in to shower doing a walk of shame- lesson learned.
Next time:
1. Dont fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
The plus side, I wont have a mosquito problem for a few days! And now that even though this does sound like something I'd do, I hate to break the news that this is a copied story! Gave me a good chuckle for sure. 🤣😂🤣SO.... feel free to do the same.
*I never share these kinds of things but I had to, I could not stop laughing! I hope you got a good laugh too, Happy Saturday!