09/28/2022
In HEAVEN - PUNKIN
4-5-21 ~ 9-27-22
THE PURR
Any time you adopt a new cat, you are excited and in love and can't wait to spend all of your time with it. However, in the back of your mind is the reminder of mortality, lifespan, and the fact that no matter how much you love and take care of it, it will die one day and you'll have to deal with that loss. So you question yourself from time to time - should you not get so attached so you won’t be so sad? Or should you push reality to the back of your mind and just go all in, full out loving it with all you have?
I tend to choose the later, which leads me to days like today, where I'm curled up in a ball crying my eyes out.
The last week has been a blur. A horrible, terrifying, exhausting blur with tiny moments of hope. My very first bottle baby. Punkin, got ill with a huge bloated belly. I treated him for constipation, UTI, dehydration, you name it. The vet had no openings but Thursday said they would fit him in the next day.
He was diagnosed with FIP. I had never heard of this disease. It’s fatal. It can’t be cured. I was in shock! Everything with animals and science is far ahead of humans. How could this one thing have no information, no known cause, no cure, and no treatment? How is this possible? Well, it is.
The vet gave us a receipt with patient information about fip. I was reading it out loud to my daughter who worked for a vet while in college. She said that info must be old. I looked and it was from 2005. So I googled it. All of the first results were about this wonder cure not yet approved by the FDA. It was developed by a man who made it available for manufacture outside of the US. To get it, you must navigate the channels of people who are legitimate, avoid the ones who are not, cross your fingers and pray.
Over the next few days I did nothing but research and try to find this medicine in time. I now know everything there is to know about FIP. On day 2, I found someone with emergency medicine. The next morning, after driving 4 hours to get this medication, he got his first dose. Unfortunately I would soon find out it was too late for Punkin. Had I caught it sooner, he could have been cured. That morning, he climbed up on the bed to snuggle with me and I fell back asleep. He died not long after that.
I asked my daughter why does God keep doing this to me? Why does He keep taking people and pets I love too much away from me? Why Punkin? After all of the hours of research, travel to get the medicine, only to take him? She said maybe that’s why? Maybe God had me learn all about it and get medicine so I can help other cats in our area with FIP. Maybe that’s why he hung on so long so that I would get it and not give up. Who knows? But I do know this:
This medicine cures FIP.
There’s no one with it in our area.
The vets don’t apparently know about it (or don’t admit it).
Pet parents won’t know about it unless they google.
That’s sad.
So here I sit with all of this knowledge, medication, and my sorrow. But I do believe out of everything ugly, something beautiful can and must grow. I do believe we are led to our purpose on earth and may never realize it’s happening. I do believe God has a plan in everything He does. I know when Punkin was such a difficult baby, God gave me patience. When he almost died twice from fading kitten syndrome, He gave me compassion and knowledge. He tested me again when Punkin bit me several times, but I found I had unconditional love.
And now, I am heartbroken and question again the choice to give my heart to these babies. But God tells me I could skip the heartbreak, but I’d have to also then miss out on the Purr, the love, the amazing connection with these amazing creatures entrusted to my care.
I choose the Purr.
I choose to take what I have and know and help others.