Zen the Mustang

01/03/2025

Happy belated New Year from me and the sweetest teddy bear of a Mustang! His mane got some recent detangling while his tail (and a saddle that fits both of us properly; right now I make sure it fits him but I'm having trouble finding one that fits, me, too!) is a work in progress 😂

12/16/2024

Zen had some absolute 🔥 moments this morning! It’s so interesting to watch videos with the main purpose of watching me instead of him—today’s goal was to release the inside rein and pick up contact with the outside rein. Rewatching my videos, I did pretty much everything but that despite thinking about it so hard during our ride 🤣

I think the reasons are two-fold—one was that Zen NEEDED forward today. Last post, I mentioned he was a kite coming down to the arena but settled as soon as we were inside. This time, he was very polite coming to the arena, but the moment I sent him out to warm up, he trotted then even cantered! I’m not sure if he’s ever offered canter on the lunge before without any forward ask, so I was a little intimidated that I’d chosen this as a riding day!

My first instinct when Zen would get too fast used to be to try to slow him down, but I’ve learned how much more effective it is to direct the forward instead of holding him back, and I saw some pretty impressive movement from him! A springier, floatier trot than ever, and his canter transition was actually pretty beautiful! I had no interest in cantering under saddle today (and he didn’t offer it under saddle, or on the lunge after that first time), but it suddenly clicked to me that I could ride safely as long as I encouraged forward.

I knew that I couldn’t be passive in the saddle, and it was confirmed as soon as I got on and his body locked, which could potentially mean he was ready for a buck or anything else people tend to consider “excited” behavior (he’s only ever bucked twice under saddle, so while it’s very unusual for him, I also know what his back feels like when his body could be preparing to buck)—I encouraged forward and got release, then he pretty much immediately chose to trot (I didn’t ask for it).

This is when Past Cam would try to get him in a small circle to slow down, but after watching him warm up, I knew that I had to allow the forward at bare minimum, and continue encouraging it if he was moving fast but locked (secretly hoping he wouldn’t canter, but since he had such a smooth transition on the ground, I felt safe if he did choose to canter). We had a kind of scattered trot circle, I forgot about my reins, then we came to an ungraceful stop in front of a wall. Oops! But his knowing that I wouldn’t shut down his forward, and my knowing in return that we could move forward safely, created a sense of security and assurance that I could support him even while he was feeling anxious—that’s a new one for us!

At some point, I remembered my goal was to work on my reins, and like I said, I somehow managed to do just about everything BUT let go of the inside and pick up the outside for a while, but then Zen started to soften, and I released my minor death grip on the inside—it was pretty kind of him to release first when that should have been me! But while I was willing to lead the charge into forward, he led the way into relaxation, and my reins became more even, and we got some lovely strides of connected trot! (This, by the way, is part of why I’m still riding him not only bitless, but in his fleece cavesson—it’s more forgiving on him as I’m figuring things out!)

It was so, so cool to feel THIS horse. I thought I’d always have an energy conserver, but there’s some fancy out there for the world to see that I‘m now able to welcome due to having a lot more confidence—even when it comes to making mistakes! Huge thank you to Amy Skinner Horsemanship for our lessons; I’m absolutely stunned with the progress in a short period of time!

11/30/2024

Yesterday, Zen and I had our first ride in quite some time! I can’t explain exactly why I’ve been really nervous about riding Zen this year. The beginning of the year we did some things a little differently, and that brought a lot of uncertainty into our interactions. It wasn’t bad, I just realized that I struggle to problem solve through new things on my own, and Zen, like most horses, really appreciates focused, intentional handling. I will give myself credit in that I was mindful, but my uncertainty kept me from being intentional—and Zen needed both.

Since starting my virtual lessons with Amy, I’ve gotten a lot more intentional, and MUCH better at trying to stay focused regardless of situation. Even when it’s cold and windy, even when horses are galloping past, even when there’s that tractor Zen always spooks at, staying focused on the task at hand ends up being the best way to meet Zen’s needs. So, maybe Zen shies in the wind—then he comes back. Maybe Zen locks up and calls to his herd mates—then, we resume moving forward in rhythm. And, what do you know? He didn’t even notice that “scary” tractor.

Yesterday, Zen was about as flighty (descriptive term, not prescriptive) as he’s ever been being caught, coming in from the field, getting to the arena. Then, I remember something funny happening. We got into the arena, and I thought, “Thank goodness, I can focus.” I wonder what would have happened if I started focusing far earlier 😂

He went from being a kite at the end of his lead into work mode. The arena door slammed in the wind, and he didn’t mind. There were a few more spooks as he noticed new things he hadn’t seen in a while, but after moving through each one with the same focus, I actually felt confident enough to try getting on and having good reason to believe it would go well.

From the moment I sat in the tack, I focused on rhythm and trying to keep Zen forward—which feels scary when your horse has been so “up”! But his spooks tend to be freezes, then explosions, so the more forward he’s going in rhythm, the more he looses up and less likely he is to spook. And while it wasn’t the prettiest (very short) ride, he didn’t take a dangerous step, listened to all of intentional aids, and had moments of lovely softness.

I decided to quit while I was ahead as I’d already surpassed my expectations, but knowing I had enough in my toolkit to ride him calmly and safely on one of his flightiest days did loads for my confidence and kept me humble in the importance of good preparation. I owe so many thanks to Amy Skinner Horsemanship for our lessons giving me those tools, and by telling us we were ready to get back in the saddle! And huge thanks to Kieran for filming, assisting, and being the best reassurance 🥰

10/05/2024

I’m so excited to share that Zen and I are now getting three monthly virtual lessons with Amy! The idea of virtual lessons intimidated me for a while, but Amy offered the perfect opportunity at a time Zen and I really needed direction. Objectively speaking, not much has gone badly, but as Zen and I started practicing new things together, I found myself growing uncertain.

Uncertainty doesn’t offer any security for the horse, so issues started popping up that I’d never experienced with him before—like some difficulty catching, and one time he bucked while I was on him (only the second time he’s ever bucked being ridden, and first time since our first right lead canter in 2021). And, of course, the doubt crept in that I’d kept at bay for most of last year: that I was ruining my horse.

If I’ve learned one thing from my year of being a full-time therapist, it’s that human nature leads us to assign (often negative) judgment to neutral events and hang onto stories that don’t serve us. The logical part of me knows this, but it takes a lot of practice for that knowledge to balance the immediate emotional reaction and accompanies such miscommunications.

I told Amy that I wanted to work on catching Zen since I’d inflated it into a massive problem in my head—then, with Amy’s guidance, we resolved it with zero theatrics in about two minutes. And Zen stood quietly, caught, ready to work. The next “problem” was Zen working with his buddies in the pasture, them wanting to engage with each other, knock over the camera… and each time I worried about a problem, Amy reminded me of my task.

It was only part way through the lesson that I realized Zen didn’t sn**ch grass at all, and even as his favorite friends came over to see what he was doing, Zen started to remain focused on me… because I was starting to remain focused on him. At one point, a loud noise spooked the herd and caused them to jump around, and I was certain Zen was going to try to engage with that. But I went back to the task, and Zen even re-focused with the other horses still worried about the noise.

This is a long post to highlight the importance of focus—you can notice, acknowledge, and respond to what’s going on around you, but as long as you, your horse, and the surroundings are safe, the more focused you are on what you’re communicating to your horse, the more focused they’ll be on you.

I can’t wait for my lesson next week, and I’ll be practicing focus on the meantime 🎉

Focus -

Many of us are happy to complain about our horse’s lack of focus. We want the horses full attention, but we often really have no idea just how scattered our own attention is!

We notice AFTER the horse does the wrong thing, but fail to have a clear picture in our minds of what we even wanted in the first place. Many riders chase down every little thing the horse does that we don’t like, but haven’t developed the personal discipline to know what we want and ride that in our bodies.

I often compare guiding the horse to singing next to someone who is off key. You have to essentially stick your fingers in your ears sometimes and sing the song as you know it goes, instead of following every mistake the off key singer does. We follow the off key singer’s tune into its highs and lows, and then try to pull the singer back to a tune we’ve gotten too far away from to recover - but the reality is, the horse can never know the tune if we can’t sing it ourselves.

Many of us getting lessons are unknowingly hooked on a steady diet of distractions - a stirrup problem, another horse too close, too hot, too cold, need a break, my horse is too close to the gate, and so on - and so progress , or even lining out a solid beginning is difficult or impossible because we cannot focus on the task or what we want for the duration of a session.

It’s pretty amazing to experience the distractions melt away, and the problems melt away, when we really focus on the ride - the horse no longer pulls to the gate, looks for his friends, veers in the corners and so on, because we are mentally present, and physically clear. Suddenly every little thing is no longer a problem because we are truly guiding.

It’s an incredible feeling to be in the “zone” with a horse and find them more than happy to be there with us.

So focus is truly a human issue, and rarely a horse’s. Horses like to be guided with peaceful clarity - but we have few experiences in our lives developing that, and so guiding with peaceful clarity is a weak muscle -

Just like any muscle, it becomes strengthened through repetition.

Set up your tack, clothes and environment, and then focus on the work.

Photo by Jade Premont

12/21/2023

Happy Winter Solstice, everyone, and for folks in the northern hemisphere, here’s to warmer days ahead ☀️

Here’s a quick video of Zen catching me in the field from a couple of weeks ago—in this huge pasture, I didn’t even have to put his halter on for him to come with me! He‘s always good to catch, though he doesn’t always decide to follow me without any cues, so this was a treat 🥰 I didn’t have any food on me here and he knew that; I rarely bring food into his pasture because of all of the other horses (he gets food once he’s at the grooming station, or at least out of the pasture).

Eventually we got far enough away from the other horses that he did get a little unsure, so I haltered him to bring him the rest of the way in, gave him his food, and turned him right back out. I had planned to work with him but was just so smitten by his offer to come hang out that I wanted to keep things really low-key.

As wild as it might seem to drive 70 miles round trip to just hang out with your horse, there are days I go see him that we don’t even leave the pasture. When I turn him out, I walk him to his favorite herd mates whenever possible so he doesn’t need to search the large fields alone. I can’t say for certain whether that’s helped our relationship, but it certainly hasn’t hurt, and I love doing it! Quietly observing and interacting with a herd without an agenda is a wonderful privilege that I think every horse enthusiast should try to take part in at some point if they can!

12/14/2023

Happy National Horse Day to the best a person could ask for! It doesn’t matter whether it’s been four hours or four months, I’m always just as excited to see this horse as the day he arrived in Montana, and we always pick up right where we left off. I hope we have many more years to come… I tell him every day that he’d better be here when I‘m 50, which means he needs to tolerate me for at least 23 more years 😉

Photocredits to Wonderfur Photography

12/03/2023

I just realized that it’s been about a year since Zen came home from training with Amy Skinner Horsemanship. I remember holding his lead rope after he’d been away for 8 months, the trailer pulling away, and me wondering, “What do I do now?” I‘d taken lessons with Amy and been following her videos closely. I knew what to do in my head, but in my heart, I felt fear. Would I ruin the horse with the gorgeous foundation who was now standing on the end of my lead rope?

Parts of me wishes I could tell that version of myself that it would all be okay. There would be a lot of self-doubt, some dry spells, plenty of times wondering if I was in over my head. But both Zen and I have had some incredible teachers who’ve given me the confidence to not only learn new things, but to keep learning even without their direct guidance. I’m so grateful for my teachers, both mentors and peers, and can’t wait to see where Zen and I are after another year of learning and growing 🥰

12/01/2023

Very long time no post, but Zen is handsome, fabulous, and happy to work even after several weeks off due to my adjusting to a new job ❤️ I’ve tried my best since adopted Zen to make sure his needs have been met as much as possible, and due to that and getting a great foundation from my teachers, Zen always comes back from a break just as good as before.

Zen was just a bit tight during our groundwork warmup, and I had the amazing experience of being able to continue to help loosen him up WHILE riding. His left lead canter transition was still tight (my fault!), but he was willing to move through a tight canter transition without bucking when that would have set him off two years ago. Then, the right lead—normally the tougher side—was so smooth that I hardly noticed the transition until it happened. And all after so much time off from riding, as well. He’s incredible!

09/21/2023

Amy started Zen under saddle, and nearly a year later, he’s sound, relaxed, and confident in his work! I was in the first beta group to start the lunging course in July, and it was exactly what Zen and I needed to find our rhythm again! Zen is truly never more comfortable to ride than he is when I’ve spent just a couple of minutes doing some gymnastic lunging first at just the walk and trot (we sometimes canter on the lunge but not often), so I’ve started to try incorporating that before most rides just to soften Zen’s body and mind.

It’s completely different from the lunging people are used to, and I very rarely (never say never haha) have to worry about Zen bolting or bucking on the line. I highly recommend this for anyone with a cold-backed horse, a horse who struggles with realization, a horse who’s ready to start rehabbing from injury, a young horse, an older horse… truly, any horse! If you commit to approaching the course with an open mind, you can’t go wrong with this one!

You can still sign up for this gymnastic lunging course! It’s not a quick fix, not a fad, but systemic change to create true balance!

07/26/2023

Long time no updates, but Zen is doing awesome! He’s happy, healthy, and now that I’ve finished grad school, I don’t have to rush my visits with him, and our relationship is starting to feel even better. Not feeling rushed makes all the difference in the world for me, and I’m sure that makes a big difference for him, too. I can spend so much more time tuning into all of the little ways he tries to communicate with me and don’t feel as compelled to check off “tasks” with each visit, and this is reflected in how much softer he’s been for catching and haltering, grooming, picking up feet, tacking, standing for mounting, and even things like sprays and hosing which weren’t always easy before!

A couple of weeks ago, I joined Amy Skinner Horsemanship’s 6-week lunging course, so we’ve been more focused on lunging than riding lately to reinforce all of the straightness, balance, rhythm, and stability that he learned during his 8 months with Amy. He’s doing so well and looking so strong and supple! Can’t wait to get back on soon 🥰

07/01/2023

A bit late, but last Thursday (June 22nd) marked two years since pulling Zen from the corrals!! We unintentionally celebrated our two-year anniversary with not only our first lesson, but our first trip off property since Zen has been home!

I have to admit that I was super nervous leading up to the lesson since I admittedly missed some of my due diligence and didn’t practice loading, etc, but Zen loaded like a champ, and after looking around some, was pretty much as cool as a cucumber for our lesson—and loaded just as happily for the trip home!

I can hardly believe the journey from the untouchable horse Hannah Catalino Liberty Horsemanship helped me gentle at liberty in Montana, the horse I finally realized needed more help than I knew how to give who went to Amy Skinner Horsemanship for 8 months, and finally this happy, comfortable, willing little Mustang with whom I can now take lessons with my childhood coach, Felicia Balzano. I’m so grateful for everyone who’s helped me in this journey and all of Zen’s wonderful followers ❤️

Here’s to two years with the best equine partner a person could ask for, and decades more to come!!

06/16/2023

Big news from Zen and me! We’re a little late in the season, but as part of our Pride month celebration, I’m excited to share that we have our first product affiliation with Padded Ponies! Zen’s lovely saddle pad and ear bonnet came from Padded Ponies, and you can get your own here by following our affiliate link! https://paddedponies.com/camd

Padded Ponies also has 20% off Pride tack all month long with the code PRIDE20, and Zen’s riding halter is available at Counter Canter Designs!

All marginalized folks are welcome here 🥰🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

06/08/2023

I have to admit that this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes—and this is Zen! Zen and I had a bit of a rough go of things on Monday. He was unregulated pretty much the entire time, and I was at a bit of a loss of how to soothe him.

Zen always tells me exactly how he feels all the time, and admittedly, I sometimes wish he would just do what I wanted! But how would that improve me, him, or our relationship? So, give me a horse who says ”no”. It’s never easy, but it’s absolutely worth it in the end and makes me a much better horse person!

I want horses to have opinions.

A horse with an opinion will express when they do not feel safe - because they are being pushed too hard, because they are hurting, because we’re asking for something incorrectly, because our energy is off. An opinion can tell me that something is not right - and it is my job to do my best to figure it out.

Leslie Desmond famously said “What value does yes have if no is not an option?” If we don’t give them the ability to express themselves, how will we have a clue how they are feeling? Do we actually care? How will they be able to learn willingly verses through submission? And yes, there is a difference. A BIG difference.

A horse with an opinion is thinking for themselves, verses blindly doing what is asked even when they are not mentally or physically capable. Better to refuse a fence rather than jump it in such a way that is going to be dangerous. Better to be unsettled in warm up and try to figure it out before entering the show ring. Better to act up in smaller ways, rather than push them through until the bigger explosion or the really unsafe risk happens.

In my practice, the horse is a feedback loop. How she moves and reacts, in addition to what I feel under my hands and see, tells me things. I need to be willing to let the horse have an opinion, to express how they feel, so that I do not push beyond boundaries to ask too much. I try not to get to “no”, but no is okay. No is important, just as important as yes.

A teacher recently said to me that the way we train and ride horses is often separating their sensory and motor functions to the point that they really don’t know where their bodies are in space. The way we strap down their heads and prevent full range of eye sight; the way that we restrict breathing and mouth movement (which impacts the entire body) by cranking nosebands tight; the use of harsh bits; when we drug them before we ride; the way that we simply ask for constant submission.

I have not really stopped thinking about this.

We are, in essence, teaching horses to ignore their nervous systems when we are on their backs.

No thanks.

No “dead broke” horses for me. If my horse, or any horse I’m working with, is feeling fear or pain or sweet release, I sure as hell want to know it.

Photo credit: Olia Gozha

05/26/2023

I feel like I've been keeping secrets from you all, but truly, it's just that it keeps slipping my mind to update just how AWESOME Zen's going right now! 🤩 Just a sneak peek of some really good moments from our ride on Monday--of course, it didn't all look like this, but he tried his heart out for me! Thank you to Hannah Catalino Liberty Horsemanship and Amy Skinner Horsemanship for giving Zen such a strong foundation and to Kieran for the screenshots--videos to come 🥰

03/10/2023

Long time no post! Enjoy a quick video of the most handsome Mustang galloping into the sunset! 🐎

02/14/2023

Happy Valentine's Day from Zen! I hope you all got plenty of pony smooches today 💕