01/19/2025
I absolutely love Mel Robbins book that a dear friend recommended.
For a long time now, thanks in large part to our friend Dr Shelley Appleton here, I have a strict block protocol.
My take is, if I block those who are nasty, rude, critical with zero credibility, etc. then it makes room for the people whom our approach aligns with.
It is always the people who canāt or havenāt, who criticize those who can and do. They are also usually complete cowards in person. Thatās fine, let them.
Let me protect my peace and be here for those who really matter to us. All of you!
My last video I have already blocked several people including a top famous clinician being a lemming š. All over a funny video! So silly.
You do you boo, and we will do us here on our page. You wonāt see us on their pages or posts. Not our place, they are on their journeys.
Let them.
Trolls, Mudslingers, and Lemmings
If you put yourself out there in the world in any way, one thing is certain: youāre going to encounter trolls, mudslingers, and their hordes of lemmings.
These are the names I give to certain personalities who play roles in the dark side of social media. They specialise in harmful words and actions, or in intensifying the level of harm towards targets on social media.
I often wonder how many brilliant people remain silent in this world because of their fear of these toxic online personalities. I have witnessed the distress they can cause, and this post is dedicated to every single person who has ever experienced the torture of being a target.
Let me tell you more about them.
Trolls are provokers. They come in many forms and are out to annoy, frustrate, or pick a fight. Their engagement is never constructive. It might be argumentative behaviour, with or without an agenda. Sometimes they appear to be in some unknown contest with you or out to win, but it always goes beyond proving a point because for a troll, it is personal. They are online hecklers, and itās all too easy to act that way behind a keyboard.
Mudslingers, on the other hand, are far nastier. They are out to smear and do damage. You witness the darkest of personality traits when you see these identities in action. They are malicious and indifferent to the truth. If it hurts, humiliates, or shames, it gives them power. They target you to make themselves feel powerful and to inflict as much pain as possible. It is always personal, but they rarely have accounts under their own actual names. If they can draw you into battle, even betterāthey are masters of nastiness and you just stepped into their realm. They are unbeatable because lying is not a problem and you will always lose because if they are not winning they will just deflect and project and suddenly you are the harasser.
Now to the lemmings who jump on the bandwagon. Lemmings are the ones who hit ālike,ā ālove,ā or ālaughā reactions on the posts and comments of trolls and mudslingers. They āclap,ā ācheer,ā āagree,ā and share the posts. While they may lack the maliciousness to instigate an attack, they intensify the pain.
Thereās a world of difference between being punched in the face and the powerlessness you feel reading things about yourself that are untrue or twisted to shame or humiliate. Add the lemmings amplifying the hurt, and you start to understand why online bullying can lead to real-life tragedy for individuals and their families.
Then there are people like meābattle-hardened Generation X-ers who have lived through the frontier of developing electronic communications and social media and have experienced firsthand the rise of toxic behaviour through these channels. From emails to discussion forums to social media and beyond. The power of the keyboard to inflict and cause harm.
Iāve been told Iām ugly, fat, stupid, corrupt, abusive, neglectful ā¦ you name it. Iāve been made fun of, threatened, belittled, and harassed. The last troll email I received said I was such a bad university lecturer in pharmacy that I had to become a crap horse trainer! It was such a weird attempt at hurting me, as I have more university teaching awards than anything else in my rĆ©sumĆ©! They should have taken a leaf out of the book of one of my university student one year who commented on a biannual anonymous student feedback report that I, quote, āneeded a new wardrobe as they were sick of seeing me wear the same awful clothes all the time.ā At least the wardrobe accusation made me slightly paranoid I needed to go shopping!
I tend to collect my hate mail and social media attacks because I discovered you can actually do something good with it. In my courseāTeaching People How to Work with HorsesāIāve included a module on the reality of working in a field that draws attention. To be someone who helps others means putting yourself out there as a potential target. You can never cease being amazed at the motives and reasons you can become a target and the venom of the pursuit. You become the "Man in the Arena," from Theodore Rooseveltās famous quote. For some reason, letting others read the meanness, hate, and ridicule thrown at me gives them great insight. We get to look at the examples and reflect on them. I show how I can get hundreds of lovely messages each year, but I will remember word for word the nasty one and how to turn that around. Everyone is always surprised I get targeted, something many donāt realise, but no one is immune. I am proof you can go out of your way not to upset anyone, and youāll still upset people. It can be the way you write, what you look like, how you have made them feel about themselves, the assumptions people makeāyou can make people jealousāand so on. You cannot outmanoeuvre the complex human mind, its wounds and biases. Instead, I share my wisdom of how I have learned to handle it, and it tends to give others some peace of mindānot to mention some are so shocking they are actually funny.
So, what advice can I give you from a life in the arena?
1. Firstly, I have made myself a rule that if I see a troll or mudslinger in action targeting another, I donāt become a lemming. Even if I think the person theyāre attacking might not be doing the right thing by their horse, I know positive change isnāt created by making anyone feel threatened, attacked, or defensive. I can achieve far more by making friendsāor at least inspiring curiosityāthan by bullying. Thereās a big difference between condemning a practice and making it personal. If I sense someoneās actions arenāt about the horse at all but are just an ego-driven power trip, I donāt engage. I donāt feed the algorithm by giving it attention. This kind of behaviour creates more resistance to change than actual change.
2. I donāt feed trolls or mudslingers that target me. I block them. I canāt control their behaviour, but I can control my reaction. You canāt defend yourself against people who donāt care whether what they write is true. Their goal is to drag you into their realm of nastiness. Iām not nasty, and I wonāt poison my soul with toxicity. Iām too busy doing things that give me meaning and purpose. As motivational speaker Mel Robbins says, āLet them.ā Let people be who they are; let them say what they want; let people judge you. It is both a mindset and a strategy for dealing with situations where other peopleās behaviour might upset, frustrate, hurt, or confuse you. The core idea is to let go of the need to control others and instead focus on maintaining your peace and perspective.
3. Iām grounded in who I am. I gather evidence about myself and my abilities. No one judges me more thoroughly than I do, and I trust myself. Iām not afraid of feedback or criticism and can learn lessons even from bad encounters. I also trust my inner circleāthe people I love and who love me. Plus, I leave the question of whether Iām a good horse trainer up to the horses. If I were a crap horse trainer, they would let me know loud and clear. Therefore, if people want to judge me from a mudslinger post, again, I let them.
4. Finally, thereās the "fairās fair" rule. If I am not someoneās cup of tea, there is a high likelihood they are not my cup of tea either. I accept that not everyone who meets me or my work will agree with it, or like or appreciate me. I am at peace with that. All I can do is attempt to be the best person and professional I aspire to be. How others perceive me depends on many factors beyond my control, and I have learned to accept that.
Navigating people is undeniably hard. Add horses into the mix, and you amplify ego, identity, power, control, and every insecurity tenfold. Horses bring out both the best and worst in people. Platforms and keyboards allow damage and pain to be inflicted from a distance. Mental and emotional pain can sometimes hurt more than physical assault, and sadly, some people enjoy inflicting it on others. Learn to recognise whatās really happening. See trolls and mudslingers for who they are, no matter how much moral virtue they claim to have. There are better ways to create change. Inspiring curiosity is far more effective than ridicule.
To end, I return to Theodore Rooseveltās āMan in the Arenaā quote for all of us who are courageous enough to stand in the arenaāour imperfect selvesāhelping others and putting ourselves out there, knowing we may become targets ā¦ but if we do, weāll handle it with an understanding of its intent and a way to navigate it. Learn to be grounded in your own integrity, your own measures, and trust others to see that shine through, because the people that will get you will see it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
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š”For those interested - Information about "Teaching People How to Work with Horses" plus application for sponsorship (closes 25/1/25) can be found here:
https://www.calmwillingconfidenthorses.com.au/blogs/teaching-people-how-to-work-with-horses-course
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