10/01/2024
Last time we talked about Eleanor Langthorne and how having her own needs at work sometimes throws a wrench in my plans (the nerve, right?). But here's the thing: just like with our dogs, healthy communication with employees isn't about letting them do whatever they want, and it's definitely not about being "soft." Itās about working togetherāwhich takes skill, practice, and, yes, sometimes hard conversations. It's actually a LOT more work.
Letās dig into that for a minute. Itās easy to think that positive reinforcement, whether in dog training or in a workplace, is about being lenient. āOh, just give them treats and hope for the best!ā But no... True positive reinforcement is about setting clear, kind, and consistent boundaries that help everyone thrive. Just like our dogs need structure to feel safe and learn, so do our teams.
Now, imagine Eleanor and I. Let's say I notice sheās been cutting corners on safety protocols with a dog thatās reactive, like taking a muzzle off. She has her own reasons for doing so- internal beliefs that it's "mean", or "dogs get euthanized after wearing muzzles". It's really hard to see her side of this when I'm worried about safety.
As her boss, I could take two approaches. I could get mad, issue a threat: āIf you keep doing this, youāre out of a job!ā Or I could open up a conversation, driven by genuine concern: āHey, Eleanor, I noticed this pattern and Iām worried about the safety of both you and the dog. Can we talk about what's going on and work together to fix this?ā
Which approach do you think builds trust?
The first one might get compliance in the short term, but long term? Itāll destroy the relationship and leave both parties feeling stressed. The second? It may take more time, it may even feel uncomfortable, but itās where the real work happens.
Hereās the kicker: Boundaries, safety protocols, and rules aren't about controlātheyāre about protection. Whether itās for Eleanorās well-being or the safety of a dog in training, itās my job to make sure weāre working within those boundaries together. The goal isnāt to scare her into compliance but to collaborate on a solution that works for everyone. Trust is built when we work through challengesānot when we avoid them.
So what does this have to do with dog training, or even conflict on social media?
Well, have you ever seen someone online get into a spat and instead of talking it through, they just ghost the person? Maybe they freeze them out, stop responding, or even block them altogether. Itās like saying, āI donāt want to deal with this, so Iām just going to shut it down.ā
I get itāconflict is hard. But ghosting doesnāt solve problems. It avoids them. Like "dealing with it" doesn't solve dog behavior problems. Throwing treats at them without a plan, or sticking them in a kennel won't either.
In real life, with our employees (or our dogs!), we canāt just freeze them out when things get tough. Whether weāre talking about a dog thatās chewing up shoes or an employee whoās struggling with a protocol, we have to communicate.
Avoiding the tough conversation may feel easier in the moment, but what happens over time? The problem grows, resentment builds, and trust crumbles. Same with our dogsāif we avoid addressing issues with compassion and clarity, we end up with dogs that are confused, stressed, or even scared of us. The path forward is to work through it together.
I had a situation once where I was really worried about and unnamed employee- but to be safe we'll say- Eleanorās safety. She was working with a dog that had some pretty intense reactivity, and I noticed she wasnāt following the safety protocols we had set in place to a T. Now, I couldāve gone the "boss route" and made it a big deal, threatening her with consequences if she didnāt listen. But instead, I approached her with curiosity for motivations behind it.
āHey, Eleanor, I noticed you skipped a few steps in the safety procedure with that last dog. I want to make sure youāre safeāletās review what happened and see if we can adjust things. Are you feeling okay? Is there something we can work on together to make this process smoother?ā
Turns out, Eleanor was feeling overwhelmed that day and thought rushing through the task would help her get more done. Instead of shaming her, we worked through it. We revisited the training, clarified expectations, and she felt supported rather than scared.
That conversation couldāve gone very differently if I had approached her with frustration and threats instead of understanding and care.
(This was not Eleanor, and partly not even a real situation. But I'm posting this way for a point... clearly...!)
Hereās the thing: setting boundaries isnāt about punishment. Itās about creating a safe and structured environment where everyoneāemployees, dogs, and even ourselvesācan succeed. And the best way to do that is through compassionate communication, even when itās hard. We don't want to be SO hard on someone they avoid communication with us, stop speaking with us, shut down, run away, and don't work through it with us.
Think about how we often ask our dogs to change their behavior for their safety. We donāt yell at them when they donāt comply right away, and we donāt want to scare them into obeying out of fear. We take the time to show them what we need, and we work through it together.
The same applies to our teams. When things get tough or mistakes are made, the goal isnāt perfectionāitās progress. We don't avoid the issue or shut people down. We lean into the discomfort, set clear expectations, and figure out how we can move forward together.
Thatās the essence of leadershipāwhether with dogs, employees, or even in our personal relationships. Itās not about being āsoft.ā Itās about being strong enough to communicate, to set boundaries with care, and to build trust.
So, the next time you're in a tough spot, with your dog or your team, remember: Kindness and compassion arenāt the easy routeātheyāre the effective one. You might have to use basket muzzles (and create plenty of positive associations to do it...), or you may have to show them what you need for what feels like for-freaking-ever. But, that's how we all learn- humans and dogs.
Patience in the moment? That's probably a question for someone who isn't me. But, managing our own stress levels and the human in the home's stress level is often part of the plan (like adding day school or extra hikes to lower stress for everyone in the house while we work together to solve an issue...)
