13/06/2024
Coloring Outside the Lines
I am doing my morning coloring and thinking about perfectionism. My perfectionism.
I notice my left hand grasped tight around the turquoise marker. I lean forward over the drawing pad. I’m holding my breath.
I pause to think about what I am doing. I think about all the effort I made as a child to color inside the lines. That was the right way to do it. That was the best way to do it. That’s the way the teachers wanted us to do it. That’s the way my mother and father wanted me to do it.
I imagine one of my teachers and notice what comes up for me around wanting to please and wanting approval. Wanting to do it right. Wanting that smile or those words of encouragement.
In fact, I am creating my own lines in my morning drawing. Each and every morning I’m creating my own lines. My adult coloring books full of lovely mandala images with lines created by somebody else wait on the shelf for my interest to return.
Today I’m not interested in coloring inside somebody else’s lines. I am creating my own lines.
Now I realize that even though I am creating my own lines, I am still making efforts to color within the lines. Efforts that stiffen my fingers and make my eyes squint. Even though they’re my lines.
I want to try something different.
I choose different colors and I start drawing my lines without furrowing my brow. I layer colors over other colors, even using colors I don’t particularly like. This is new. I’m not doing one color for my lines then proceeding to use other colors to fill in the space between the lines.
I hesitate as I hear a quiet rumble of a warning stirring in the back of my brain.
I remember my personal challenge to do it differently. I sit back. My belly softens. I sigh. And I resume despite my perfectionistic mind saying it's a bit messy.
I stop for a moment to look up and around. I’m outside to greet the sun and I hear the birds. I see the trees. I feel the warmth on my face because the sun has just risen.
I look again at my drawing.
It is definitely different.
I pick up a new colored marker and start adding more lines. I notice my hand and my arm are more relaxed and I watch as I make more mistakes. I do not follow the prior lines I’m tracing. I do not dart my eyes ahead to ensure these new lines match the old lines on the paper.
I say to myself it’s OK. This is my drawing and I am experimenting and I am going to keep going whether I think it’s a good idea or not. I will survive this. I’m free to draw however I like.
You want a taste of this freedom from perfectionism, too, so come Color Outside the Lines with me.
I got the prompts to get you settled, drawing your own lines, and coloring, and the holding space thing while you tip your toes into something new. Experiential education is my middle name. Something will shift in your readiness to proceed with the project or conversation or soak in a hot bath that you’ve been putting off.
Meet me on zoom with your coloring supplies from 11 AM to noon Eastern Daylight Time on June 20th. Message me your yes.
