26/11/2025
The Relationship Before Anything Fairy Strikes Againđ
Let me tell you a story.
It starts with a perfectly normal middle aged woman who has been out of horses for decades and decides to buy a green broken brumby. Which is a bit like dusting off your old L plates and entering Formula One because you once drove a Corolla in the nineties.
Predictably, the mare begins to unravel. Not because the woman is awful, but because physics, behaviour, and reality still exist.
The horse starts reversing at speed and burrowing her head down like she is attempting to tunnel out of the situation. The woman does what many frightened people do. She looks for answers in the spiritual alleyways of social media.
Enter the modern phenomenon of the relationship first before anything influencer. Not one person. Not one brand. A whole industry movement with more variations than a bag of mixed licorice. Some talk about nervous system regulation. Some talk about deep connection. Some talk about energetic alignment and "neuroception".
All of them share one common message. You do not need training skills yet or ever. Just subscribe.
So our woman is told to honour the horseâs choice and to say "no". She lets the mare reverse into another paddock. She lets the mare escalate. She lets the mare walk away. Because insisting would not be trauma informed. Also, she is now terrified.
Eventually the inevitable happens. She gets hurt. Not symbolically. Not emotionally. Physically.
This is when she finally calls my friend. A real trainer. Not famous. Not merchandised. No big following. Someone who lives in the dust, sweat, and consequences of actual horses. She asks my friend to take the now dangerous mare for free. Train it. Rehome it. Fix the aftermath of two years spent believing that relationship alone would replace practical skill.
But the money is gone. Two years of subscriptions and programs promising transformation have drained it all. And now she has a horse labelled dangerous and no way to help it. And her nerves are shot.
My friend cannot take the horse. None of us can save every horse swallowed by an ideology that promises emotional transcendence without the foundation of real training capability.
And here is the uncomfortable truth. The people selling these ideas rarely see the fallout. They are not the ones holding a frightened or aggressive horse while a frightened human cries. They are not the ones who get called after someone has been hurt. They are not the ones trying to rehabilitate confused horses who have been left without guidance or clarity.
Trainers like me and my friend are. Every single week.
So before anyone gets offended or warms up the cancellation engines, let me be very clear. This is not about one person. This is not about any specific influencer. This is an industry wide pattern. A spectrum of approaches that has spread like a parasitic idea through the horsemanship world.
If you are someone selling relationship first before anything programs, consider this feedback from colleagues who work on the front lines with real horses and real people. People are getting hurt. Horses are getting labelled dangerous. And many beginners are being taught to avoid skills instead of develop them.
You can keep your philosophy. Just take responsibility for the outcomes it creates. If an idea cannot survive contact with a green horse and a green human, the issue is not the humans who trusted you.
It is the idea.
IMAGEđ¸: Chase the cuddle without building the communication and you often end up with conflict, not connection.
