15/07/2024
FOCUS:
Without hesitation, this eight-year-old border collie races down the dock, laser focused on his toy. Quill leaps into the air, nailing an eighteen-foot jump, trusting the water to catch him with a splash! All I can see is a blur of tri colored fur and am lucky to have snagged him with the click of my camera. Nothing else in Quill’s world matters but that bumper toy. I’m convinced an earthquake or volcano could go off and he’d still chase his prize quite literally, anywhere! What a fun dog to watch! Working in canine training and behavior makes photographing them even more fun. I see subtle body language changes, sweet moments, simple joy, and so much more as my camera lens acts as a magnifier.
As the dock diving trial ended, I got my seven-month-old puppy, Raafi, out for a lesson. Raafi’s favorite toy to chase is this silly little five-dollar floatie ball from CVS. In order to build value and drive, we make this ball special. It ONLY comes out during dock diving lessons or when we’re practicing drive at home. I’ll tease Raafi with the toy, batting it around and enticing him. Once he’s excited and revved, I toss the ball while holding his collar for just a nano second. As he’s released, I tell him “get it”! This process helps to build value, focus, and drive into the jump. Being a baby yet, we’re really spending time layering foundations with him. My grin was big and wide as I saw our work paying off! Raafi was really gaining drive and jump off the ramp! Our instructor stepped in to help hold him further back while I teased again with his toy. His drive and jump just kept getting better! I was feeling the excitement and joy of working with my puppy as my instructor and I started to move him to the one foot dock to take our skills to the next level. Before I could move him through the gate to the next enclosure, a dog appeared to the left. IMMEDIATELY all focus on Raafi’s beloved little CVS ball was gone. To my dismay, He actually lept off of the top of the ramp, crashing onto the ground head first, somersaulting himself and flopping hard on the ground. Don’t worry, my little four legged delinquent is just fine but of course I panicked. As I’m standing in disbelief and momentarily frozen due to the shock of what my puppy just did, Raafi bee bops himself straight to the dog that had appeared. I regained composure quickly and collected my puppy from the kind women who had grabbed him. My mind was racing with thoughts and worry as I practiced deep breaths and shifted my focus to making sure my puppy was ok and having a positive experience back in the pool. He had a blast and truly was oblivious to the danger he had just put himself in.
As I drove home, tears of fear, worry, and frustration flowed down my face. I practiced some grounding behaviors for myself and was able to relax a bit. God listened while I talked out loud to Him about my fears, stroking Kai’s white fur. Riggs, my 2-year-old shepherd, is just healing from a back injury which triggered feelings of pain and undealt with guilt from losing Zay at only nineteen months. Watching my seven-month-old shepherd puppy tumble hard to the ground simply felt scary. The reassurance of the Holy Spirit was present as I was reminded to focus on truth instead of stepping into patterns of false self-blame.
My conversation with the Lord continued and I found myself pouring my heart out to Him, laying all my hurt, anger, and frustrations on the table. In the midst of my sorrow and grief, God gently turned my attention back towards what happened with Raafi. It was almost as if he was saying, “pick up your ‘camera’ and look again through the lens… what do you see?” I did see…. The tears again flowed; this time harder…. This time on my knees before Jesus. All it took was a single and simple distraction for Raafi to one hundred percent shift his focus. His shift in focus put himself in danger. Mentally, he was already zoned in on what he wanted. For him to come back, I had to go and get him.
God longs for my focus to mimic Quill, the border collie. Unshaken and absolute focus. The dock could be crumbling down, sirens around him, tornado whirling, and his focus stays on that toy. I wish I could say my focus was like Quill. I hung my head in shame as I realized my focus, especially lately, has resembled that of my puppy, Raafi. The last several years of my life have, to date, been the hardest I’ve walked. Loss of many kinds as well as a rare, hard, and difficult medical journey has been and is my story. It’s easy to use this as an excuse. I can use it as an excuse to let anger, confusion, sorrow, and grief be idols. Self-pity, loathing, fear of people, and worry tempt distraction.
God is my Savior. He is faithful, He is good, He is kind, He is my Creator. Questions swirl around in my brain and in my heart, but I know what I believe, and I know what is true. He is my shepherd, He is Yahweh – my breath, and Emmanuel – God with us. I know these things because not only have I accepted His Word through faith, but I experience everyday personal relationship with Jesus, my Savior.
If I believe what I say I do, why do I act like my little shepherd sports puppy prospect, Raafi? Safety disregarded, questions unasked, I shift my focus to medical facts, to emotion felt, to things of the unscripted and unknown. Why? I am learning the answer is simple… My focus shifts off Jesus… I may know what to do with my head but do I grasp it with my whole being, allowing God to transform my heart with His power and His Word... Romans 8:5 says “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.”
Am I living according to the Spirit? Is my focus so laser pointed on Christ that despite the lightning, tornados, earthquakes, and fires that has been this earthly life as of late, I steady my gaze on my Lord? I have loved other things more than Jesus. Idols of fear, worry, and self-blame, have held my gaze. My heart has been captured by people pleasing and doubt. I have loved so many things more than my precious Savior.
The questions aren’t wrong. Am I asking those questions with my focus beaming to Christ, eyes only for Him. Does this focus transcend my head AND my heart, consuming every part of me? When questions are asked while walking in the Sprit, focused on our Shepherd, then I come to the same conclusion a favorite Bible character who also asked questions came to.
While asking God’s forgiveness, I opened my Bible and prayed these verses while spending time with my Lord. Habakkuk 3:17-19 says “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer’s; He makes me tread on my high places.”
