13/04/2024
I wasn’t very nice today. So I thought I’d show you since he’s probably going to write me a glowing review.
🙂
Here’s the first email we got:
Hello,
I am looking to adopt a bird(s) and was wondering if I could come visit so we can talk in person. I don't like email and being told to go to a website I have already been to is not very conversation building. Is there a facility I could visit and speak with someone in person. I live in Ann Arbor and have no issue driving to battle creek.
Thank you for your time.
**************
My response:
Hello, so unfortunately we are not open to the public. You would need to go through the adoption process first. To get started with that go to our website (with a link).
**************
His response last night at 3am
Hello,
I have found being told to do something online rarley results in the information requested being provided and a lot of my time is wasted. Is there a time I can speak with someone? If I am required to give all my meta data before I can get basic questions answered I will just go buy a bird instead of adopting. The over complicated process of rescue is why people don't go through rescue organizations. Why go through the difficult and time consuming process of adoption when one can avoid the complicated and overall pointless process of adoption when buying is in all ways simpler, easier and less annoying.
Did you even read my email or just scan it and sent a pre-written response?
Customer service is key to donations and support for organizations like yours. You don't have it or this interaction lacked it.
Good luck in your endeavors
****************
And something in my head broke and decided - nope. Not today motherdunker. You don’t get to treat us that way.
So here’s my response:
Hi Karl,
I thought about just sending you on your merry way without a response, but then you would think “Yeah. I’m right. Rescue sucks and they’re just little power freaks with a complex, and I really told them!”
The truth, Karl, is that we don’t have the time or energy to “customer service” you.
Do you know why, Karl?
Because in the past seven days, I’ve had over 700 heartbeats relying on me to keep beating. SEVEN HUNDRED.
Do you know how many humans are sharing that burden, Karl? Six. The answer is six. How’s that for heartbeat to human ratios?
I don’t have time to see if you might want to talk about any of those seven hundred heartbeats, to give you all their stories, to hem and haw and see if you MIGHT want to fill out the VERY SIMPLE process of the application for which I created to w**d out the “maybe wanna’s” from the people who are actually ready to move forward.
My adoption fees are right around 1/10th of what you’ll pay when you go to a pet store. And we’re honest, and give you support for the rest of that bird’s life. Pet stores don’t do that.
Speaking of support, we do that - helping all those who have come before you to adopt as well. So, let’s add that up. 700 heartbeats, thousands of humans to support to “customer service”, and then we also try to make content to help people who can’t get to the rescue or can’t surrender or whatever so we can keep those birds in their homes.
Did you know we’re a nonprofit, Karl? Yeah. We are. As in, no profit to be had. Most of the time we are running at a serious deficit. I bought this facility in 2022 to get the rescue out of my house.
We aren’t government or any other way funded, so our paltry adoption fees are what make our world go round. Some months we have 5-10 adoptions, some months we have none. Guess what happens when we have none, Karl? That’s right, the bills go on my credit cards.
So while we’re supporting all those heartbeats, and all those humans with our “customer service” I also had to open an LLC with a giant laser to try to sell bird toys and rescue merchandise to try to help ends meet. So, I am working on building that business and the website for it, and then actually making the products for the orders we have too.
Your snarky little email probably made you feel like you really told me, Karl.
In the past two weeks, we’ve done a major seizure with a county animal control resulting in thousands upon thousands of dollars of vet bills with serious injuries, all animals in it on meds and going through serious medical stuff, then we got a call for an emergency surrender/transport for 70 cockatiels which turned out to be FOUR HUNDRED FREAKING COCKATIELS. Those cockatiels had to get into a zoo, because we can’t afford to feed them.
Yesterday we had a crazy surgery on one of those seizure birds that didn’t result the way we wanted.
But sure. Let’s find a time for you to not follow my GODDAMN process, so you can come to the rescue and looky-loo to see if we MIGHT be up to your standards to see if you MIGHT want to adopt?
Yeah. You seem like a real treat, like someone I definitely want in my life to support for the rest of that bird’s life.
Your snarky email was just the icing on the cake I needed today, before I head BACK to the vet for the next set of complicated procedures on a seizure bird to try to get him well.
Do you know who gets my customer service, Karl? The animals in my care. I do this for them. The humans? They’re the worst part of the job. I live my life for birds.
And if you can’t fill out a simple application and go through my pretty simple process, you don’t deserve one, or me or my time or energy.
Have a good one, Karl.
Just to be sure - you didn’t think THIS was a canned response…right Karl?
🙂
XOXO,
Shannon
***********
So if you woke up today and thought “I’m gonna go be a dick to a rescue to make myself feel like a big, bad man!”
GO FORNICATE YOURSELF.
***
UPDATE:
This entire thing has been INCREDIBLE. Karl responded, there's merch, we've raised a HOLY TON of money, and the entirety of the rescue community came together over 10 days.
Here's a post with the links to everything, including the response, the merch, and the stats on how munch money it's raised and the whole bit.
https://www.facebook.com/birdsandbeaks/posts/pfbid02UDKUd8WJNFw4NFej8q2tWMivxLonCb67xhQMNteUcio5EJnUCRUvWd2cPXuhAzrLl
