01/07/2026
Approach and Mutual Consent Matter
I recently read a post from someone who was sad that her horse did not appreciate her grooming her, or giving her cuddles.
On the grooming front, my horses tend to prefer to be scratched rather than groomed with a brush, and always at liberty.
I share territory with my horses almost daily. I’ll sit on a chair or on the pedestal and just hang out with them. They know that if I’m seated that they can come up to me and ask me to scratch whichever part of their anatomy tends to be itchy. Since I do not stand up to do that the horses have to maneuver their bodies around in order to place the correct part in my hands for me to scratch. Tori would move her belly literally over my chair so that my fingers were right underneath it to scratch. Mystic would back up and place one of his hocks on my knee so that I could scratch the front of his hind leg for him. Antares loves me to scratch under his heavy mane where he tends to get overheated and itchy. Amadeo always has an itchy right hind leg.
Their preferences are different, but I think the fact that they get to control access to their body has a lot to do with the fact that they get such enjoyment out of it. They choose what they want and I choose to give them pleasure by responding by lovingly fulfilling their requests. That builds their desire to request my touch and cuddles.
Antares and Amadeo were wild, suspicious of my touch, but over the two years I have had them, they came to accept my scratches and cuddles, then enjoy them, because I pause the instant they stop leaning into my touch. Touch has to feel good to us both.
Consider for a moment, from the horse’s point of view, the more typical interaction where the owner goes out, halters them, ties them up and does as they wish with their bodies, particularly when the horses are telling their human, by pinned ears, that they are not enjoying it. Consider what your own emotional reactions would be if someone did that to you.
Of course you will want to knock off the mud before you tack up your horse to go for a ride, and sometimes you need to give them medication that tastes terrible or treat a wound. All that might be necessary, but how you approach her and whether she consents matters to building a mutual respectful loving relationship. She cannot truly consent when she is tied up.
All this has led to me doing 99% of my care interactions with my horses at liberty. Since they know they can walk away, they most often decide they don’t have to. I groom my horses at liberty, medicate my horses at liberty, treat their wounds at liberty. Only when the vet shows up do I halter them, but my line is loose and I still ask for permission.
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