All the perfect horses

07/08/2023

Totally justifies what I have always said about horses openly demonstrating pain related behaviour.

11/01/2023

I started writing this to try to make sense of what happened to me when I broke my neck, . It has now turned into the memoir of a horse, who's spirit has touched my life. Rio was my teacher and after our experience together I will never regard horses in the same way. I am open now to all that they have to tell us. What's so hard for me to accept is that even on his last day, Rio was more alive than the majority of the horses who have shutdown In order to cope, Rio was simply one who said no, this is not fair. He made me listen, and I think I did. Massive thanks to Catherine, who understands horses more than anyone else I know, and who helped both me and Rio more than you will ever know.

11/01/2023

I let Rio go in the hay barn of our yard at 8am on Saturday the 19th November. Both of my excellent vets had reviewed his health and mental state and confirmed that it was the right thing to do. In the two days leading up, I spoke to everyone I respect and who knew us both to ask their opinions, they all said I was doing the right thing. I had one last option for Rio, a retirement farm in The New Forest that specialised in ex competition horses. I spoke at length to the wonderful lady there, and realised that I couldn't put him through the stress of a new environment and new horses that he might not get on with, and there was still the issue of the pain. So on that Saturday morning, the busy yard suddenly cleared just in time for it to just be me and my horse. With his eyes in mine, I told him how much I love him and that it would all be fine. And then I let my excellent vet step in front of me and I watched my brave and beautiful horse fall gently down onto the hay covered barn floor.

11/01/2023

For two years I had been trying to move house, to buy land so that I could keep my horses at home and thus be in control of Rio's environment. Due to his skeletal issues, he needed to be out 24/7, on good well-draining land, not too near other horses and stressful stimuli if possible and of course with company. My efforts were unrewarding, and so Rio now finds himself without Puzzle. The very situation I had been so keen to avoid. On the outside he seemed ok, but I could tell that he was really stressed and unhappy about being alone, but holding it together.... until I was asked to move him to the field next door, and that small action spelt the beginning of the end. The events that unfolded were upsetting and tragic. Rio ended up jumping a wide ditch and fence and having a rotational fall, in his efforts to storm the next door field and take the mares from Rollo, another ex-jumper that I had brought down to the yard. Luckily no person or horse was seriously hurt but now, staring at my injured and now in-shock horse, the thoughts that had been fleetingly pushed out of my mind over the years, suddenly came into stark reality.

11/01/2023

5th of November a date forever etched in my memory, Puzzle is lame and diagnosed with Laminitis, the vet says that it is mild and she is recovering well but will no longer be a suitable companion for Rio, and will need very careful management. In that moment I knew that this was the beginning of the end, I knew that this spelt a very dire situation for both horses. It was Guy Fawkes and due to Rios past behaviour with other horses, my yard owner would not lend me a companion for him. I had to leave poor Rio out alone in his field while Puzzle was confined to three weeks box rest. That night, scared that Rio in his heightened state would go mad about fireworks, I snuck down to the field and in the dark watched and listened for signs of my distressed horse. He was thankfully quiet.

11/01/2023

After a few months on the field by the river, Rio and Puzzle had to move yet again to a field by the yard, to allow the hackers to cross the river field. We experienced an incredibly hot and dry summer, which was no doubt hard on the horses but they coped well. Puzzle wore her grazing muzzle the whole time as she came to me overweight and it has been difficult keeping her weight down. The plan was always to get them back onto the river field, away from the yard. Although Rio was coping well with the horses on either side of the summer field, historically he had struggled to cope with new horses around him, and the river field was more isolated, so the best choice.

11/01/2023

I did a search today on pain related dangerous behaviour in horses, and immediately found this:
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fvets.2021.734218/full

This is basically mine and Rio's story, its interesting that they paint the picture here of the owner with the new horse, and all ofd the hopes and dreams for their partnership unrealised due to skeletal pain and the issues that go with this. What is also really sad is that the horses in this study, all 14 of them were quite young. The oldest being 14. All were euthanised after the study.

Introduction: Dangerous behavior is considered an undesired trait, often attributed to poor training or bad-tempered horses. Unfortunately, horses with progressive signs of dangerous behavior are often euthanized due to concerns for rider safety and limitations in performance. However, this dangerou...

09/01/2023

As I continually search the internet for answers I won't find, I thought I'd share this in case it helps anyone else make the hardest decision ever.

Following my rite of passage as a horse-crazed little girl, I began riding at age 11. When I was 14, my mother’s co-worker purchased a horse hastily after only a few lessons and quickly realized she was in over her head. Eager to get more time in t...

25/11/2022

"Can a huge animal be sensitive? Well, the average horse weighs 50 million times more than the average fly, but immediately feels the pest settle on his body. A hypothetical human with that degree of sensitivity would feel the weight of five unseen dandelion seeds—something real humans can't do. ⁣⁣
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Trained horses can detect from two yards away a nod of the human head that measures only 8/1000 of an inch in displacement. That's two-and-a-half times more susceptible to visual displacement than we are. Faced with the same nod, humans wouldn't even know it had occurred. ⁣⁣
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One more statistic: at the withers, a horse can detect 3/10,000 of an ounce of pressure from one nylon filament—the weight of about three grains of sand. Poke the same filament into a human fingertip, and we have no idea it's there. ⁣⁣⁣⁣
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With this level of sensitivity, horses notice the difference between 1 inch of shoulder movement and 2 inches. And they're trying to figure out what it means." 📚 Horse Brain, Human Brain⁣⁣⁣
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25/11/2022

The demands of jumping on a 4 year olds body, before full development, no doubt will have contributed to Rios back issues and damage.

25/11/2022

Emiliano the vet and I were constantly working to try and help Rio manage the deterioration to his back. A series of treatments including steroid injections, Irap (stemcell) and very expensive bone density injections were given. At the start of Nov 21, Rio also started to receive a daily Equicox tablet to manage any pain and inflammation. I had started to see less flexion in his off hind hock, as a result of the fused SI joint, and when Catherine came to do Masterson on him, he 'showed' this area to be problematic. Some people think that retiring a horse means less work, but actually it's the opposite as they have usually been retired for a reason, so now you have to try to train your eye and mind to notice any subtle signs of discomfort and pain.

25/11/2022

It was becoming clear to me that Rio was becoming increasingly more worried about his environment, maybe Puzzle wasn’t the calming influence that Kestrel and little Splash had been. I also witnessed two events that were deeply worrying whereby seemingly without reason Rio turned on Puzzle and attacked her. On both occasions I was there to diffuse the situation but they left me worrying about why a horse would suddenly attack another, its not something that horses are known to do, being a prey species. On one occasion the attack took me off my feet, leaving me rather bruised and battered. In this video you can see Rio's worried eye, and Puzzle quickly moving out of the way. We had an issue in the field of careless dog walkers letting their dogs stray into the field, and on one occasion a pair of huge Russian Dobermans came in with the sole intention to attack, and were smashed to the ground by Rio. Was this is source of his increasing stress though?

25/11/2022

Rio and Puzzle during the last few days at Wood Farm

25/11/2022

After a number of fasle starts and viewing companion horses that I instinctively knew wouldn't get on with Rio, I called Blue Acre Horse Rescue in Old Windsor. I'd donated rugs to them in the past so when I called and explained my situation they invited me over to take a look at their 52 strong herd and see if there was a suitable friend there for Rio. I ended up choosing Puzzle, a 13hh aged roan/grey mare, My decision was based really on her rather jaded and curmudgeonly demeanour, and thus my yard owner and me loaded a rather reluctant (read terrible loader) into the trailer and home to Rio.

25/11/2022

Kestrel and Rio shared the field at Wood Farm for 6 months, and I think that they were the most happy there that they have ever been. After Kestrel passed, it took Rio some time to get over the loss of his friend. Little Splashy, borrowed from my yard owner was the perfect little companion for Rio at this time. I was amazed at how well they got on and the respect that this little old fellow demanded from Rio.

I think Kestrel was probably the first horse that Rio had ever been turned out with, he bonded with him very closely and Kestrel was the perfect companion for him. I knew I had to find Rio a new permanent companion for Rio, and due to his past issues this wasn't going to be easy. Rio had shown aggression to other horses, particularly other geldings in the past and I knew I needed an older horse, with a been there done that attitude.

25/11/2022

But as usual and especially so with horses, all good things must come to an end. And so they did with Kestrel developing laminitis, a serious bladder infection, which I now know were the early signs of his body breaking down from cancer. Kestrel started to develop melanomas at the early age of 12. When I noticed the first signs of the swelling in his throat latch I knew that we were doomed. Early in 2020 I started to hear a roar, when his head was down to eat his feed, Bruce my vet scoped him and found a mass in his larynx. Against Bruce's advise I started Kestrel on a very expensive course of Oncept and I truly feel that this bought us our last six months together. But now in August 2021, during his last two weeks on earth Kestrel continued to decline and when he stopped pooing and started pawing and spilling his water source (a known sign of a physically distressed horse) Ellen, the vet in attendance found a huge tumour in his abdomen, and I decided there and then to let kestrel pass.
I have had experience of euthanising a horse in the field, during that time the horses with my mare Nush, barely looked up. This time Rio knew that his best friend had passed and was incredibly distressed. Because it all happened so quickly and Kestrels comfort was at the top of my mind, I didn't pay enough attention to Rio who was bereft. In this situation, with only two horses its very difficult, but in reterospect Rio should have been sedated.

23/11/2022

The year I spent looking after my horses in the field at Wood Farm, was one of the happiest of my life. My days bracketed by early morning visits and evening checks. I spent hours there every day clearing the field, pulling up ragwort and meditating and doing reiki with Rio and Kestrel in the peace and solitude that the space offered. My lifelong ambition to have my horses on their own land, was at last realised and it was every bit as good and satisfying as I'd imagined. 7 acres of good well-draining soil with natural shelter provided the horses with a varied and interesting landscape and Kestrel, who had been previously suffering with breathing issues and swollen limbs, had never looked better.

22/11/2022

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here. Early 2021, diagnosed by the third vet to investigate, Rio was diagnosed with extensive arthritis to the SI, lumber and degenerative conditions to his spine. So much worse than I ever thought possible. The vet, Emiliano Espinar, specialises in equine biomechnics and said his SI joint was the worst he has seen. We immediately injected the area with steroids and my yard owner offered me a lovely field just 1km from home for Rio and Kestrel to fully retire to.

04/02/2021

I recently got a message from the lady who last owned Rio before me, Rio was brought over from Germany as a 4 year old and kept in a well-known horse dealers family, passed around by the wife as a consistent and known show-jumper. Before I bought him I looked him up on the BSJA site and he has been out competing every week for the past ten years. I haven't told them that I broke my neck on him, or all of the issues that we are having. I honestly think they sold him to me in good faith. To try and even broach the subject of learnt helplessness, would have these Irish 'horsemen and women' rolling their eyes in disbelief. What to do....

04/02/2021

Snow has turned to rain and the fields are flooded. Thus the big decision to bring the boys in over night was made, and not made lightly as I firmly believe that horses should be out. But the risk that the field may flood entirely, having them in water, perhaps panicking overnight, forced my decision. It's about this time of year that typically I start to feel the fatigue of having two horses to manage on incredibly wet ground. Rio and I have a deal that if he does have to stay in, I will be there at 6am the next morning to turn out. The continuing wet weather has now meant that they have to come in each night.

26/01/2021

The snow meant that I couldn't safely get the boys into the yard, so I took the opportunity to think about how to work on myself to help the relationship. I hang out with them in the field a fair bit, in-between my field chores, but this usually consists of asking Rio to move his shoulder, hindquarters, back lift etc, which I feel is slightly irritating to him. So instead I got comfortable on top of their hay pile and sat and sent out some Reiki to both of them, inviting them both into my circle.Kestrel was already on the hay, he understands Reiki but I was delighted when he gave me a couple of gentle nudges on the arm as if to say I like this, an action that is unusual for him. Rio was on the other side of the field as some new horses have moved in across the river who need to be monitored. Eventually, he wandered over but I made a point of just being with him. No touching and I tried to match my energy to his. I think my energy is a lot to handle for both of my horses. Kestrel knows how to bounce it off but Rio still finds it hard. So my plan now is to just be in the field with them, with my special tool - Reiki for a few days and try to build some bridges. Horse to horse instead of human to horse.

26/01/2021

My last lesson was a difficult one with Rio, Catherine and I agreed that the biting could be for a number of reasons, so far my list is: being ignored, me being tense, me asking too much, me pulling on the lead rope. We spent our time with Rio in the menage this week just trying to get him to relax. I find taking direction very easy, in that if I am asked to practise a certain thing for homework then the next week we will have improved. What I need to learn is to be more instinctive with my horses, to feel rather than think. And this week was all about that. We stopped in the menage as Rio's stress was rising at just being asked to walk on. And all we did was use a Masterson technique which involves putting your thumb into the side of the horses mouth to encourage tongue movement and release (his baby dummy) and then just loving on him and stroking around the ears. Catherine said that I am listening to him more and have less expectation, which is the key. But we all have a long way to go. I was thinking about another mare that I know, a big healthy looking, upstanding mare, who has issues that are being ignored. I wonder if the big horses, the strong flashy horses are even less heard about their trauma? If they were a little, meek looking fluffy pony, would people feel more inclined to understand their issues? it's a bit like looking at a bodybuilder, who tells you that they feel scared and dismissing him. You're much more likely to direct your sympathy to a young child than a full grown man. Our big sports horses are probably amongst the most abused and unheard, just because they look strong. It doesn't mean they are.

22/01/2021

I firmly believe that in order to give an animal a good life, they should be safe and a pleasure to be around, not just for you the doting owner, but also for others. And that's why I know I have to address Rio's biting issues. Which is an ingrained behaviour that he falls back on whenever he feels: challenged, forced, misunderstood, ignored. Take your pick, the head whips round with teeth at the ready as a defence mechanism. This weeks big take away from my lesson is why am I 'blocked' in my intentions to change him, I have been shown what to do, and its simply a reminder to him that he's not to get into my space, but I do not have the conviction needed to send the message home. I have some thinking to do.

22/01/2021

When the student is ready - the teacher will appear. Years ago I spent several hours racing up the M3 after work in Ascot to go and visit a lady called Catherine, who was teaching the art of Classsical Dressage. The lessons with Catherine were cut short but the sad passing of Chocky, my first pony. Fast forward 17 years and Catherine has now come back into my life, to help me with Rio. We have been addressing Rio's physical issues with the wonderful technique that is Masterson Method, and his behavioural and also physical issues with groundwork training. And here's where it gets particularly difficult. Horses not only mirror our actions, but our emotions and issues. Trust has to go both ways, partnerships should be equal, are we really in it with our horses, are we really on their side? Through Catherine's teaching I have had to acknowledge, understand and recognise issues in my own psyche that I knew on some level were there, but did not know how much they were affecting us both. For instance, I too have a degree of Learnt Helplessness. I often phase out mentally when being challenged, I am often not fully present. I also don't trust my horse. And thats a big one to admit. I don't fully trust my horse, and thus I don't fully trust myself. And that folks, is what they call a breakthrough. Now I have identified it, its up to me to change it. I attached this picture to this post, as this young lady, despite all of the challenges that life has thrown at her, has a purity when it comes to horses, and Rio instantly recognised that and appreciated her. I need to channel the pure intentions of this young girl and remind myself often about what it is to just simply love a horse, without any agenda, recriminations, or past.

20/01/2021

Autumn - its become clear that Rio isn't comfortable across his back, Gudren my friend and Horsey Chiro visits and agrees, he his holding himself in discomfort and is also short- right hind. Gudren does her magic, myofacial release and he is more comfortable, but we haven't actually identified the problem so I get vet Alex down and he injects Rio's hocks, as a first stage. I would prefer to treat him step by step so that we get an idea of whats actually going on, as a horse with Rio's past job, could potentially have several issues. I find it really hard sometimes to determine the right person for the job, when it comes to equine health. Vets are just humans too, with good and bad days. I am also on the belief that more needs to be done to educate our vets about how the horses body works and the adverse affect that riding does to them. Certain vets are all too quick to write a horse off, in the belief that all owners just care about how 'useful' the horse is to them.

20/01/2021

Alex and I worked together with Rio for about 6 months, and in that time thoroughly enjoyed learning the timing and precision necessary for effective Clicker training. One of my biggest issues, is "what do people think of me, do they think I'm just feeding my horse treats?" It seems to me that if you dare to step outside the box in the horse world, you will face judgement and sometimes ridicule. I have had to learn to step outside of this as surely the definition of madness is to try the same thing, time and time again? I know now that Rio has come into my life to teach me a huge lesson, and I must rise to the challenge!

20/01/2021

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9167799/Rider-41-crushed-horse-Beaufort-Fox-Hunt-sues-owner.html

Lisa Ford, 41, from Gloucestershire, suffered multiple fractures, including a broken pelvis, when her horse Tommy reared up and fell backwards onto her in 2018.

19/01/2021

I believe (and I've thought about this a lot) that when I parted ways with my old trainer, Rio's behaviour changed. And the reason for this was because she was Germanic in her riding and teaching style, I had weekly lessons and practised her style in my own time. During this time Rio was in a state of Learnt Helplessness. Learnt Helplessness is a state of acceptance and apathy, Brought on by trauma and often by Flooding, which is an Exposure technique very commonly used in the horse world. being a competition horse Rio was used to being 'kept in his box' 'squared off' and not having his point of view accepted or heard, combine that with a level of discomfort, which was elevating at the time and you have an explosive, angry horse, when the 'trance' is lifted. I knew I had to try something different so I engaged the help of Alex, a behaviourist, and set about learning the art of Clicker training to try to help Rio to find his happy place and re-build our relationship.