28/10/2020
Burn out
When I started nursing, ‘burn out’ was never talked about. I think back then, everyone was a lot more caring. Less stressed. I know I definitely was. It isn’t fair of me to say that about other people, but there is truth to it. Whether it has escalated because of the current world affairs, I do not know, but it could be an explanation.
Writing this post has been on my mind for a while. When I started The Paper RVN, it was supposed to be for my entertainment and to show off about my job. Thinking back to then, maybe I was already feeling the effects of burn out and didn’t even know it. I have been so reluctant to write this, because for some reason I have made myself believe this is admitting defeat. Am I saying I am not strong enough? That is what I have believed for so long, that I am not good enough for this job. That is what I’ve been struggling with for a while, wondering whether to just give up.
Out of the blue, I decided to ask some vet nurse friends how their jobs were going at the moment. I’m not actually sure why I was so shocked by their responses. Most of them were finding no enjoyment where they were, some were moving on from their practice or the vet sector completely. We are individuals who have only been in the career for 6 years and surprisingly we are all dragging ourselves along.
Maybe part of it is due to being taught that the veterinary industry is always changing, but finding so many individuals who are stubborn and set in their ways. We are grown through education to be proud of our adaptable and changeable natures and when we are shut down, this crushes us. Maybe this is why I am seeing an increasing rise of negativity on veterinary social media. Post after post on su***de awareness and the constant keyboard wars – since when did we become money grabbing thieves that pump your pets full of drugs which will make them ill. That was never in the oath I took and will never be the way I see my job, no matter how many practices corporates take over.
For those of you who do not understand what burn out is, it is the collapse under the emotional and physical trauma we undergo every day. The emotional shaming from clients who cannot afford their bills, but it becomes our fault because we are heartless. They are the ones to take that responsibility when they take on the animal, so why is it us who go home crying because we couldn’t care for your animal to the best of our ability. I have had people screaming in my face, banging tables, threatening to smash my car and even contemplating committing su***de in front of me. Add this onto the long hours, non-existent lunch breaks, lack of time for a social life and stressed out colleagues and I hope you can understand why I am at the end of my tether.
I didn’t realise what was happening to me. I have always been a caring person who wants to help out everyone and I was always in wonder at the world around me. I became irritable and the smallest things would cause anger to spark or tears to roll. I stopped going out of my way to help others, either because I’m anxious my help won’t be good enough for them or because I’m so exhausted from not getting the help back. I lost my empathy, I forgot to care for people going through hard times and just spent the entire time wishing the situation could be simple and over with. My motivation evaporated and I simply existed during my day. I’d count the hours through work, come home and sleep. I had no energy for anything, not even sitting in front of a movie.
I found no joy in anything. I would love to read with my headphones in, music full blast. I would lose myself in the story, become emotionally attached to characters and the music would only add to the atmosphere. Now, I barely get excited for a new album. Nothing satisfies my boredom. No matter how long I sleep, I am always tired. The nightmares about work probably don’t help.
I am too stubborn to leave the veterinary industry and besides, I would have no clue what I would do. But, people just need to care for each other a bit more. What good is ever gained from telling someone there are others better than them? I’m starting to engage in things a bit more and telling myself it is okay to breakdown every now and then as I am human (though I like to think all vet nurses are superhuman). I will probably keep moving on until I finally find a place that fits.
This is why I haven’t written in a while. It is like I’ve been stuck in a hole of exhaustion and some things just needed to be built back up again before I could start to escape. If you have anyone in your life who its part of a medical profession, whether for people or animals. Just talk to them every now and then. You don’t have to ask how they are or what their day was like. You could talk about the likelihood of aliens invading Earth for all they care, but it will be a small distraction what is probably haunting them daily. Invite them on a walk, go have a drink, watch a movie. Just do something.
Take care of each other. This world wasn’t made for us to be self-centred.
The Paper RVN
https://thepaperrvn.wordpress.com/2020/10/28/burn-out/
When I started nursing, ‘burn out’ was never talked about. I think back then, everyone was a lot more caring. Less stressed. I know I definitely was. It isn’t fair of me to say th…