
07/04/2025
Your dog isn’t anxious because you are.
This one gets thrown around all the time.
“Your dog feeds off your energy.”
“He's not anxious when I walk him, only when you do.”
“Your anxiety is making your dog anxious.”
It sounds neat and simple. But it’s not true.
Dogs are not emotional mirrors. They don’t become anxious just because you are. They aren’t downloading your mental health through the leash. They are living animals with their own genetics, history, and experiences. Some dogs are just wired to be more sensitive, hyperaware, sound-sensitive, movement-sensitive. That doesn’t come from you.
But here’s what is true: dogs respond to our behaviour.
Not just our feelings, but what we do when we’re anxious.
If you gasp, freeze, tighten the leash, or suddenly change direction, your dog notices. If you start scanning the environment, speed up your walk, or pull them behind you, that tells them something’s up. If you yell at someone to leash their dog or get mad at the situation (even if it’s not at your dog), they pick up on that tension too.
Some dogs are also just harder to hide your emotions from. People say, “you can’t lie to a Border Collie,” and there’s truth in that. If you’ve ever tried to act sweet and calm while hiding the nail trimmers behind your back, you’ve experienced this. You crouch down, speak in a gentle voice, and your dog still slinks away. That’s not mind reading. That’s learning. They’ve figured out that when you act that way, the clippers or ear meds are coming. They’ve seen this pattern before, and they’re responding to it.
Border Collies are especially good at this because they’ve been bred to be hyper aware of their handler. Dogs who are selected to notice subtle movements, posture, voice tone, and small shifts in body language are going to be sensitive. That’s what they were designed for. Sensitivity isn’t a flaw in these dogs. It’s part of what makes them good at what they do. But it also means they’re more likely to respond to little changes that other dogs might ignore.
I’ve also worked with people whose partners have flat-out told them they caused the dog’s anxiety. They say things like, “he’s fine when I walk him,” or “you’re making him nervous.” That’s one, not true. And two, even if it was true, that kind of attitude helps no one. If your partner is struggling with the dog, you support them. You don’t build yourself up by tearing them down. It’s not a competition.
That’s not your fault. It’s human to react. Especially when your dog is struggling or you feel out of control.
And I want to say this clearly: walking a sensitive or reactive dog isn’t the same as walking a “normal” dog. It’s not a peaceful stroll around the block. It’s scanning the environment, adjusting leash tension, managing thresholds, staying aware of escape routes, and sometimes needing to respond in a split second. This is skilled work. It takes practice. And it can be emotionally exhausting. So, if you feel tired, overwhelmed, or burned out, you’re not weak. You’re doing advanced handling as a green dog owner under pressure.
This is where “fake it till you make it” can really help. You can absolutely be freaking out on the inside while staying calm on the outside. You can show your dog that you’ve got it handled, even when you don’t feel like you do.
That doesn’t mean masking or ignoring your anxiety. It means practicing what to do in tough moments so your body knows how to respond. I teach my clients simple emergency response skills they rehearse over and over. Leash moves, positioning, redirection. So when things go sideways, they can act on autopilot. And their dogs feel safer because of it.
And here’s the thing: your anxiety doesn’t disqualify you. You don’t need to be calm all the time to be a good dog guardian. The best trainers I know have off days. You just need tools that work for both of you. If you’re trying, if you’re learning, if you’re showing up for your dog, then you’re doing enough. Your nervous system isn’t a training flaw.
I also recommend that my clients skip days when their dog is already stressed and more likely to react. The same goes for you. If you had a rough day at work, or your nerves are already shot, and you know the walk is going to feel like a battle, skip it. Do something fun with your dog at home instead. Trick training, practicing your emergency moves outside of the problem context, a little scent work, a game of fetch. Not every moment has to be a training session. If you skip the walk, you might not make progress that day, but you’re also not making it worse. Breaks are part of progress. Rest matters.
Anxiety isn’t contagious. It’s not something your dog ‘catches’ from you like a virus. They respond to patterns, tone, movement, and tension, not your internal emotional state by itself.
So, if you’ve been carrying around guilt because you gave your anxiety to your dog, let it go. Your dog has likely learned that your responses predict their trigger, or that your reactions mean something bad is coming, or they might simply not like it when you're triggered. It’s time to pretend to be in control on the outside, teach you and your dog some get-out-of-dodge tricks for those sticky moments, and let go of the guilt.
To get more insight into your herding breed dog, check out my book, Urban Sheepdog: https://amzn.to/4g0o6VT
For a primer on working with a reactive herder, check out Reactivity in Herding Breed Dogs: https://amzn.to/48eQP6w