05/10/2021
Please pray, think, send good vibes...however you do it, to help this woman and her staff and her animals. I believe in prayer to God and hard work. When I worked in Uganda and was helping an injured cat, a local Ugandan stopped me and to make a long story short he said, “I know you would help me because you would stop to help this little cat;” I was so glad that somebody finally got it...just because we help animals doesn’t mean we don’t help people, or love people, and this woman won’t leave her animals or her staff, it’s such a helpless feeling for those of us back here watching this...
I keep hearing rumors that I’m dead, and that the Taliban have taken over the KSAR page, for unarticulated reasons and despite what must be a substantial amount of labor turning multiple factions of a guerrilla insurgency force into a nominally unified civilian infrastructure management group that is ostensibly attempting to avoid a looming humanitarian crisis. Somehow, faking an animal rescue page takes precedence. That’s the rumor that almost makes me laugh. Almost. There’s not a lot of laughter left in me. Then there are the million and one ways that I am somehow a scammer. Those affect not just me, but the people I work with who put their hearts into all of this. I have avoided the frequent videos of myself or live videos because I am the only American in this rescue. This is an Afghan organization, and proudly so. It’s a misrepresentation to call it mine. It is ours, and it’s almost all Afghan. But when it comes to the buck stopping and ultimate responsibility, yep that’s me. So this is a message just from me.
In a life full of mistakes and un-mendable wrong turns, the attempted evacuation of KSAR in August is far and away the Titanic of my failures, the worst of my life without question. Yes, we had partners and money, great organizations working on planes for us and they failed for reasons that maybe we could have changed if done differently and maybe not. And yes, instead of requesting to move the dogs back to the clinic early in the day on August 29, I believed the repeated promises of people I trust who said ‘don’t lose faith, the plane is in the air.’ And so when that turned out to be false, it was too late. The military decided that there were too many barricades for me to move the animals from the American line of razor wire up to the Taliban held city streets where our trucks could get. I asked to carry them out one by one, but was told it was too much of a security risk. I was told I could take what I could carry and so I chose Bea and will always cry for every single one I didn’t pick up that is now dead.
When we got in to the airport again after many days of seeking permission from the Taliban, I saw decomposing bodies of dogs I have known since their birth, puppies I loved from the first moment, beloved animals. Our staff saw these. Our hearts are broken and remain so, even as everyone is also worried for the lives of themselves and their families. Even if we recover every animal left at the airport, the losses we’ve already sustained are unforgivable and wear away at the tissues that make hearts strong. And we won’t recover them all.
I’m not in Jordan. A dear friend who is tech savvy is, and she runs Instagram. I haven’t left Afghanistan, which has been my only home for a long time. My parents are probably unhappy about that. I’m sure the Taliban officials I annoy on a daily basis are unhappy about that. Have I raised over a million dollars and only managed to rescue a tortoise and taken all the cash and run away to an island to drink pina coladas? Nope. Doesn’t even sound nice. I subsist on ci******es and coffee and 4 hours of sleep a day and am fueled by the completely unstoppable purpose to do my best to right the wrongs of my own terrible mistakes and poor judgment. And while doing so, and looking at the astounding generosity that is in our organization’s bank account, when we see animals in need, we don’t hesitate to help. Yes, two tortoises. This has become a joke to some. They are lives and just as worthy of living them as any other soul.
I’ve heard I need to get off my ass and do something. Instead, I’m finally sitting down and writing a response to the false and distasteful accusations lodged at me and KSAR as our board has been pushing me to for weeks.
Will I put our plans for evacuation on Facebook and put maps and names and details and strategies on social media? Nope. But I can say that this is not solvable with a clandestine mission. We are waiting for our limited license for an OFAC exemption to come through so that we can legally pay the customs fees that will go to a terrorist organization and so that I can walk into the offices of people on US and UN sanctions lists, now-government officials that are on lists of top ten most wanted terrorists in the world, and put my soul into negotiating permission to move the animals I love so much. To do this without a license would be a violation of the Patriot Act. For those that don’t recognize the complexity of the situation and think I’m a bit of a naive girl who doesn’t understand the context, I’d suggest you hop on a plane and come try to quickly retrieve valuable dogs from facilities in the control of the sons-now-leaders of the Taliban and the Haqqani Network. Then add ISIS/IS-K. And take away cash. And raise the price of food. And watch everyone around you worry for their lives. The dog retrievals and animal rescues that our team has managed are a courageous feat and those fat puppies are fu***ng victories. So get on a plane and help if you think you can. I’d say it takes balls, but as it turns out, I wasn’t born with any.
There is a special place in a hell I don’t believe in for people who take the most well intended effort of someone’s life that turns into the most painful failure of that life, and one they are ceaselessly working to remedy, and have the audacity to safely sit at a computer and spew hatred that does nothing more than bruise an already broken heart and tarnish the reputation of an organization full of people with more courage and perseverance than their narrow minds could imagine.
Consider this your mothrfu***ng proof of life. Now I’ll get off my ass.