KANE Bhogaita, my ESA's Memorial Page

04/02/2022

Mission accomplished baby boy, a new path will soon be travelled.

07/09/2021

Dearest Kane,
Hello baby boy, it's been a while since I have written you. Life has been ever more challenging. Earlier this year Snix was attacked on a daily walk, he is ok but the dog's owners live nearby so it has been tense a while now. I shed tears for our great times together. I wish people were more responsible with their dogs. I think as I am responsible for a large athletic dog, a big friendly goofy chonk like you, I made sure you were well socialized, you were always leashed or able to be recalled up to using a remote trainer, always accounted for because I know people can be given a uncomfortable adrenaline surge upon seeing a large unaccompanied animal that they are alone & unfamiliar with. This is a promise kept through our time out in public spaces. You were always very well behaved & socialized but Snix has gone a big step forward as we go to the local dog park alot, multiple times a week in fact. We have very good dog friends that Snix plays with & I love on. He has shown time & again in front of me that he is non aggressive unless the situation calls for it. You would be proud! I am pushing ahead in getting hired as a drafter now. It has been a tough search. I am a bit worried but cool so far. I have been declined 3/20 applications so it is disheartening but I refuse to not be a drafter at my next job, period. I guess that's the Kane in me. I love you & I weep many times a week, life is ramping up in difficulty but you prepared me well. This life is worth surging for. I have a small video of your victory lap at the Florida Fairhousing Summit after getting your award! You did so well! You're 7 years old, confident, self-assured & most importantly, keyed into me as your human that is responsible for you & your behavior in public. You were more honor than I deserved back then, thank you Kane

15/12/2020

Dearest Kane, hello Wiggles, tomorrow I will walk Snix, talk to our Dr. Li on video & finally take the walk that I wish we could do together. I will be getting the degree that we wanted. It will be a very hollow victory. It was hard-earned and pushed my mind. I have brought home many A's and I wanted you to know that "daddy did good". Our friends have been staying in touch. Alot has changed. I am still adjusting to a very changed life. It has been difficult and mentally taxing but I am determined to make our dreams reality. I made a small video for you some months ago. It is from 2014 & you are a very confident 6 year old pup. It was playtime and I had brought you home a small toy to shred and decorate our yard with. I understand that I have been lucky & blessed to have you in my life. It is still very empty & lonely without you. Your truck has been faithfully taking me where I need to go and I am torn between keeping it and selling/trading it for a newer vehicle. The next few months will consist of making our portfolio and seeking a new employer. I am hopeful but realize that I must do what others can't in order to stand out & be hired. I will try to contain myself tomorrow as I go graduate & I will bring your ashes box with me in your truck. It is a drive-through process because that virus hasn't abated at all. In fact, our country has gone a bit crazy this past year between a pandemic virus & presidential election. I have seen the good & ugly in people. I have been good to people when I have a chance to slow down and help. I always have you in mind and heart when I see how things are now compared to how things used to be. Life evolves and changes unexpectedly. Thanks to you, I have a strong resolve to always seek what's around the corner & over the hill. I have officially stopped riding motorcycles now, I still have so many memories of coming home to you after doing things at fast speeds. It was always the best to come home to you after doing it. I will be looking for you & trying to feel you more than normal tomorrow because I know that despite all the bad going on, it is our day. I love you & miss you & weep to be with you again some day. I hope you see me down here sweetness. You propel me every day my darling sweet baby boy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgOxCkV41kE&t=111s

My Kane when he was 6 years old, shreds a exercise cylinder (which I don't use, it was acquired). It seems so long ago now...I miss him every day, every minu...

30/08/2020

Kane Spring 2014: A late night time machine dream

27/06/2020

🐶😭🐕https://youtu.be/57HumgGC8Rk

23/06/2020

Dearest Kane, hello Big Squishy, I miss you a lot each & every day. Our life has changed quite a bit. Today feels like the 1 year ago point when we were pushing forward to continue having a safe & happy life. One year I wish we could repeat. I think so much about how things could have been better for us. Just 11 months ago today. Not exactly a year, but I would take it. Just to have you & those last few weeks of good health to re-live. I have been holding a A-B average this Summer & a few days ago we got our first cert in the mail. It felt very hollow without you here to celebrate this small victory. I feel very driven & I am trying my best to adapt to these new ways of living. Some of it has been easy. I like how people have to stay away from each other. We were doing that for years. Seeing us together was difficult for some bystanders whenever we took our walks. This hurricane dog is adapting too. A few times a week we go to the park & I touch each one of the monuments you once sat or stood next to so many years ago. I have some pictures of you from our time there. It's almost 10 years ago & you are a glowing 2 year old pup. We rest & I give this new pup water & tell him how good he is & remind myself that he's not as good as you. I'd say he's working towards becoming the second greatest dog in the universe according to me. School & changing my living area & growing with the new pup have all been hard though. I think, I don't even know. I just feel that every day lived & work produced is to honor you & I'm able to do it. It feels like I'm mourning you & fulfilling what we set out to do together. To have a safe & happy life. I don't know what the rest of this remaining year will bring. I have made sure to make my plans the best I can & I am still able to work through them for us. I think a few people actually read these messages I have for you. I hope they understand how much you motivate & inspire me. Without you, I would not be able to pursue a better future for us. Our doctors have been very understanding & helpful. Your uncles & aunts keep in touch as well. I recently spoke with Uncle C & Aunt D, they (along with Misty, the first adult dog you lived with for a week) welcomed us into their home to visit a few months after we started our life together. I hope to apply some of my new knowledge on the plans for their new home. It will help me learn more. They already have things progressing. I have still been able to meet good new people from school & even some in our new area. I still cry, I still think of you when I am applying myself to a difficult task. I hope that I won't be denied in this endeavor for us. I feel like you have been shining down on me & protecting me without being here. We are a team & family. I love you forever my sweet darling, I am here & I am going forward with you in my heart always. Not a minute goes by beautiful one.

09/05/2020

Dearest Kane, hello chunks, I've been pushing hard & adapting. I brought home A's from school this past semester. "Daddy did good" for us again my sweet baby. It's been a hard road to travel down alone. Our new house & neighborhood is adequate for now, but I can't wait to leave it. Your uncles & aunts keep in touch with me & give us well wishes every few weeks. I miss coming home to you. You're the reason I'd drive or ride home safely & deliberately knowing that I would soon be holding you & feeling the joy you give me. Most of us are keeping away from each other due to this virus & quarantine. Hopefully soon we all will be able to visit & socialize together. I have a small song for you today, by two legends. https://youtu.be/WDtzsFsWSho
Not a minute goes by my darling sweetness 😭 i love you

Dziękuję za oddane głosy i komentarze

28/03/2020

Our (now) old place, I did some sketch work today. Nothing compared to what I can do for us on a computer, but it made my heart ache for our good old days together baby boy🤗😭🤗

27/03/2020

Dearest Kane, this song is meant for us & our friends. It's very pup-centric. I remember the first time we heard this musical group together. Turns out they are like us in some ways! I miss you so much my dear sweetness. https://youtu.be/2bldupcptbE
Not a minute goes by...

"Yaad" (Hindi for "remember' or "in memory") is about the power of accepting the loss of a loved one and moving on. The lyrics celebrate the permanent impact...

16/03/2020

Dearest Kane, hello cuteheart, I have finished moving closer to school, but now there's a bad virus in our world that may stop me from fulfilling my promise to you. Come what may, I find my strength in you. I remember May 10th 2010 when our HOA started trying to tear us apart. It never happened. I sang this song to you, because it strengthens our bond. Always & forever baby boy, we're still in this together! https://youtu.be/qTGu84bjd0k

Made in After Effects. Enjoy !

20/02/2020

15/02/2020

Dearest Kane, hello my big chunky love, it's been almost 7 months since you passed on & left me. I miss you each day & always will. Today was Valentine's day. 8 years ago we moved from our condo to our house with a big yard for you. We bought it on February 13th 2012 & I was happy to consider that I bought you a house for Valentine's day. It kept us sheltered & gave us lots of space. A whole half acre fully fenced on a twisty road. Now 8 years almost to the day, I am preparing to leave it. We have so many great memories here. I have many pictures & videos of you & I enjoying our time here together. I still declare my love of you every day to whoever will hear me. I will make a walkthrough video of our house before I go & will create our house on my computer as I can. I spoke with Dr Li today & told him I still can't believe how I can carry on without you. The only explanation I have is that you inspire & propel me each day because I must honor your legacy. I've been walking with the hurricane dog Snix almost every day on our same routes. We greet our good neighbors some of your nicest uncles & aunts & pups. Stella has a new baby sister puppy now. She's pretty cool & Stella is good big sister to her. I attended another sad gathering because uncle Paul's sweet kind mother has passed on. You never met her but she was always good to me as I grew up with Paul as kids into adults. School has been ok, I feel very determined to finish what I started for us. Some of my hard work has not gone unnoticed either. My drafting professor asked if I would be interested in a full time job immediately, as in stopping school. I respectfully declined because I want to complete my degree fully for us. This life is still for us & though you're not next to me, I know I shall honor my promises to you. I want to secure a better future for us both but I think it will feel hollow without you. My school counselor tells me that I should be finished with school by the end of this year. I'm not sure where this life will lead to afterwards, but at least I will fulfill my promise to you my sweet darling baby boy. I have a small video of you from last year's Valentine's day & you are chilling on our bed. You are 11 years old & I am proudly, happily cuddling next to you. Remembering when we first moved into our home 7 years earlier. Soon I will be in a new Kane's Krib closer to school & studying hard for us. I'm alwaying loving you & thinking of you. You are in my thoughts, decisions & deeds each day because you are the best, purest unconditional love I have ever known. I still can't believe it. We live an amazing life together that I still think is a dream. I miss you Kane, please shine down & sit on my shoulder.

10/01/2020

Another one of our favorite songs that always reminds me of how you make me feel Kane. You are the Real Thing for me. https://youtu.be/ym8ID1wsYXY

08/01/2020

I'm always thinking of you baby boy😭
https://youtu.be/j_87tML2TY8

What becomes of the broken hearted. Jimmy Ruffin was an American soul singer, and elder brother of David Ruffin of the Temptations. He had several hit record...

01/01/2020

Dearest Kane, hello my beautiful baby-boo, this holiday season has felt hollow at home without you. Thanksgiving went OK. The hurricane dog (his name is Snix) ate turkey dinners from the corner shop with me just like you & I did for many years. It was hard to do. To go through the motions of getting our dinners but knowing that you aren't at home to eat with me. I think about you every day & weep alot. Mostly our friends & family have been very kind & understanding. I have been told the odd "move on" suggestion lately. Which I find to be laughable, offensive, unsolicited & pitiful all at once. Some will just never know how strong our love is. Our relationship really is that good & strong. Xmas came & went. It was lonely without you too. Tonight is New Year's Eve aka our official birthday for you. It was estimated on your very first vet visit about a week after I brought you home. You will be 12 & I would be loving on you wishing you a happy birthday. I have a small picture of you. It's from one of our daily walk videos in the Summer early morning. I have visited a few of my friend's dogs. Most notably Capone who I consider your younger brother. He makes me feel close to you because he is your size/style. Alot more of your neighborhood uncles & aunts have been remembering you fondly & ask me how I am doing. I am proud of our time here & all of the friendly greetings you would give & receive. Our home is up for sale now & soon school will start again. I am already eyeing a jumpstart for my next semester drafting project. It concerns the old flea market that I'd sometimes take you to when we lived in our old condo in Altamonte. Our doctor has been closely in touch with me as I grieve & mourn you. I take daily walks with Snix, but I don't feel the same pride that I do with you. He does try hard though & he is a good earnest dog. He was let down a few times in his past. So now it is up to us: you, me & our way of living to help him have a better life even though he will never be as good as you. I look after him to honor you & keep myself going forward, but I am always thinking of you & imagining you in his place. I have browsed through so many memories, videos, pictures, moments of you & me together. I wrap my heart in your love & I know this is what motivates & drives me. Again, these forces of you that act upon me are hard for apathetics to comprehend. Making the realization of what one needs to live a fulfilling life while avoiding negative influences is a very strong lesson that you have taught me. I wake up & I go to sleep. I learn, create & produce because of you my sweet baby boy, Kane. You're always on my mind & in my intentions. I love you & miss you Kane. Please shine down on me when you can, I still look upwards.

11/12/2019

Dearest Kane, hello cuteness, I just found out about my grades tonight. I passed trig with a B. Daddy did good my darling. I wept & spoke to your picture & held your honor box tightly. I wish you could be here with me. I remember all the times when we'd wait for grades to post & I'd hug you so much & tell you all about my progress. You motivate me so much. I love you Kane my sweet baby boy. This life is for us.
https://youtu.be/91YgAIVSfbs

Magic by Olivia Newton John Subscribe to my channel :)

27/11/2019

Dearest Kane, hello chubbley wubbley, I'm missing you & think of you always. Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving I'll have without you. I remember all the times we'd eat turkey together. I love you forever my sweet precious Kane https://youtu.be/cPt0KOZauRU

Taken from his fourth studio album "Ten Summoner's Tales" & featuring guitar legend "Eric Clapton" this is "The Police" lead singer "Sting" (AKA Gordon Matth...

12/11/2019

Dearest Kane, it is bittersweet that a new Scooby-Doo movie is coming soon. I wish you were still here with me so that we could watch it together. We watched a lot of Scooby-Doo shows together because he reminds me of you so much. I watched alot of Scooby-Doo as a child, so your arrival so many years ago was a major moment in my life. Like a childhood fantasy turned into reality. I guess I fell in love with you before you were born. I love you & miss you everyday my sweet baby
https://youtu.be/ZnKvQbpDYXU

www.facebook.com/scoob www.twitter.com/scoob www.instagram.com/scoob www.scoob.movie The first full-length animated Scooby-Doo adventure for the big screen i...

09/11/2019

😭https://youtu.be/gD0GJrm8lYE

Music video by Jody Watley performing Everything. (C) 1989 Geffen Records

03/11/2019

18/10/2019

Dearest Kane, hello baby boy, this life has been busy lately. Going to classes & looking after the hurricane dog has been hectic. This past few weeks was ok. Our friends & family have been really nice. Classes have been informative, but I've taken some liberties with RevIt class which the professor doesn't seem to mind. Your kustom krib has been evolving alot in my computer! I'm warming up for my first trig test which I hope will go well. House hunting has been enlightening to say the least. I wish I could reach a better price point, alot of houses just don't compare to our home & I knew this would be the case as it's a downgrade move so that I can finish school for us. Some of the neighborhoods I'm looking into are rough. I think I'd need 2 of you to feel safe. Still, a little downgrading now with a eye towards upgrading later isn't too bad. The hurricane dog is getting better & no longer has accidents in our home. He had a small tapeworm problem which the vet & Batman 4 Paws Rescue has taken care of. I remember you having them twice when you were younger. Alot of things about this dog remind me of when we first started out. I allowed the hurricane dog to try out your large tug rope which he seemed to enjoy. I hope it's ok with you. He's not as strong as you, but does put forth good effort when playing. He's also learning to fetch but lacks your sense of style, he can leap to catch mid-air on a bounce, but he can't do your special bargain fetch. His daily walks have been energetic to say the least, but he lacks your ability to dislocate my shoulder while pulling me along. I guess it's natural to compare him to you, but really it's more to remind me of you. Alot of our neighbors have stopped to talk to me & I explain to them that you have gone to the next level without me. Your uncle John sends his love. He'd always greet you each morning walk & misses seeing you. It will be hard to leave our home without you, but it is for the best. I've been weeping alot & have spoken to Dr. Li twice this week. He's been very helpful & is making time to talk to me alot as he understands how much you mean to me. I still cry alot & it hurts but also reminds me to keep going forward. I'm still amazed at how many pictures & videos I have of you. I'm grateful for them now. I have a small video it's from January 2014 & you are six years old. I edited it a little for a special "triple chunky handsome m**o" effect. You've just finished playing fetch with me & I decided to take a video of you. You are playing with your favorite style of ball, a squeaking, squishy, rubber gummi one! It was a chilly early evening & you are enjoying a nice lie down to play with your ball after playing fetch earlier & wearing me out. I miss you so much everyday my darling sweetness, this life is lonely without you, but I am driven by our memories & your legacy. I think about you all the time my beautiful baby I love you forever!

10/10/2019

Late night swimming pool for you. Your krib has evolved alot. I've been working hard on it. I love you always & I'll write u some more, but for now sleep is calling me. I miss you so much my sweet darling baby boy😭

14/09/2019

Dearest Kane, hello my beloved baby boy, I miss you so much. The past few days have been hard. Your VX had a check engine light while I was going to school. I took it to uncle Tony who fixed it, but I missed out on meeting uncle Lucas which I really needed because he helps me. The hurricane dog is only somewhat cool now. He's been having potty accidents a few times. I will talk to the vet & rescue about this. He seems fine otherwise though. Today I walked our neighborhood for the first time since you left. I cried alot, I carried your ashes in my backpack. The hurricane dog came along too. Even after a long walk, he had another potty accident a short time after coming home from walking. I guess he's still decompressing maybe. I got a harness to walk him last night. I went to another pet shop that you have been to many years ago. They even have me listed in their computers as "Kane's Dad". I contained myself & told them that's me. It was a sad visit seeing all the toys we played with together throughout our years. Alot of them are still being made, some were different colors than the ones you had, but they all had the same design, branding & construction. Seeing boxes of Milkbone biscuits took me back in time to you. I got the hurricane dog a Kong harness, the same brand as a few of yours. It was odd to get a smaller size than yours. I cried alot & told a clerk about you. I even had a dream about you last night. It was weird, but then my dreams usually are. You were running along a fence next to Bumblebee (the robot from Transformers movies) as I looked on. He seemed to be playing along with you, running back & forth along the fence with you. It was amazing seeing the size difference between you & him. As I approached & called out to you, he ran off & you came running towards me. I felt your fur as we stood next to each other. I still think of all the times we huddled & I pet you. I feel that taking care of the hurricane dog is recalling memories in me of when you were 2 years old too, but you are much cooler. It's easy to tell that you are special. For me it felt like standing next to a superstar! Most people instantly notice how beautiful you are & it makes me so happy to be around you. I feel proud of you & grateful to be in your life. I Googled the meaning of your name today, it means: Little Battler! You definitely aren't little, but you did battle & win in court! It is nice to know the meaning of your name & realizing how appropriate it is! Even the personality description of your name reminds me of you in alot of ways. I have some pictures from one of many play sessions we have together. It's August 2013 & you are 5 years old! We have won our federal housing case & it's Summer. We're in your big yard & you are playing with your big rubber ball & a firehose toy. Two of your favorites! Our neighbor Bob's chickens were looking on & seemed interested! I remember when the chickens would come next to the fence & you'd go sniff them nose-to-beak! Sometimes they'd come into our yard so I made sure to es**rt them out before you entered our yard. Once, I missed a chicken & you ran up to it & tried to get it to play with you, I scooped it up quickly & put it on the other side of the fence. Chicken is your favorite food so I didn't want you to hurt the chicken. I miss all of our play sessions, it's such a good feeling seeing you run & play. You are poetry in motion! I love you & miss you every day baby boy. I hope you see me. I love you Kane!

11/09/2019

Dearest Kane, hello sweetness, the past few days have been ok. I still cry over you alot. I am doing well in classes. I did email the head of my school program concerning my RevIt 1 professor. The reply was another example of the excuse-based society that some are a part of. I don't feel full tuition should be paid while someone assumes their learning curve towards becoming a effective professor. I spoke up, I have the textbook, I'll grind through it & give the rest of my feedback on the end of semester class survey. The hurricane dog continues to live in our home. He is ok & still pretty cool. Nowhere near as cool as you. He is young so I've been teaching him to play nicely in our yard. He eats his food & seems to be more relaxed. I am getting a better container to carry your ashes with me. The drives home are not fun & uninspiring. Leaving our home isn't much fun either. Our friends & family are very nice & kind to me. They all understand my hurting. I see you all the time through my mind's eye. Even at places you've never been to like school. Your VX is continuing to carry me along on my travels. After we move, it will be the only big thing that I can hold on to that reminds me of you, it's your chariot always. It will be hard leaving our home, but it is a move that we would do together. I do sometimes wonder about our past, if I had made different decisions & how we would be together now. It all seems foreign to me this life now. I think about you each second of every day. Not at the expense of the present & future, but about you still being here with me. How things would still be with us together. I've been studying hard for us & hope to keep pushing forward. I have been thinking about taking this hurricane dog on daily walks. Not for me, but to help him get exercise in a more formal manner. He's definitely not as refined as you when you were 2 - his age. I will not abandon him as others have done. I do look after him similarly to you. But he is not allowed to go inside our bedroom area. I still sleep on your couch & he has slept on it while I do. I hope this is all ok with you. I miss you. I wish you were back in my life like before. Continuing onward is very hard. It can be mentally exhausting. The grief, sorrow & crying comes in waves every day. I'm holding together though with a eye towards the future. I have cued up some more drives & have been looking through more vids & pics of you. So many beautiful memories I'd love to relive again with you. I only have a small picture of you today. It's April 2010 & you are 2 years old. This is just outside of the old pet shop we went to Altamonte. This is where your aunt Jenna used to work as a dog trainer. She gave you her vote of confidence & this made me more confident in you. I saw this huge truck & the driver noticed I wanted to take a picture of it with you so he stopped for us! I wish I had taken more pictures then. It was a good day for us both. I love you forever Kane & you are with me in my heart & mind baby boy. I hope you see me down here.

07/09/2019

And here's the VR walkthrough of it I made last night. Rudimentary to be sure, refinements will come, but I hope you approve of the basic layout my sweet baby boy Kane, this is your custom crib. I love you

07/09/2019

Hello cuteness, here's the floorplan I made as my final project in CAD 1 last Winter...

06/09/2019

Dearest Kane, hello baby-boo i luv u, yesterday was ok. I had a good day in RevIt class. 3 sessions in & I'm doing 3d walkthroughs of the 2d floorplan I made for us late last Winter in AutoCAD 1. I was making a fresh new house for you back then & to finally see it in a more virtual form was...well, it's really nothing without you in any house I'm in. I also visited the old pet shop out in Oviedo. You & I went there alot with our great friends that had taken us in for the last 5 months of 2009. Memories came back hard. I started show & telling about you so much to the clerks. I guess the hurricane dog is a puppy so I got it some puppy food & a collar so I don't look like a beginner when I take it to the vet to get checked tomorrow. He remains pretty cool. He's not even close to you though. He knows I'm just going through the motions. It was nice talking about you to people that understand. The love we have is so powerful that even if you're not next to me, your love can still move me. The days since you've been gone have been hard & testing but I am determined. I have some old pictures of you. It's May 2012 & you are 4 years old. You had broken a nail on your right forelimb so we went to the vet to get you some first aid. It was a minor injury & you recovered easily. I took a few pictures of you as you relaxed & healed up. I miss you so much each day & cry while thinking of you. I tell people about you alot. It's not the same as when you are next to me so I can show people who I'm talking about. Now I explain my memories of the love we have & how you motivate me. It's a lonely time. I have lost you & the days are now just timeframes for getting stuff done. The important things I do in your honor, but the rest is only for appearances of normalcy. Without you there is no longer a sense of occasion, a feeling of being part of something special & magical. Everyday we'd walk on cloud 9, it felt like Xmas. Now things are plain, no more special or unique feelings of our relationship together. I've been sleeping & eating ok now. I look at your pictures each day & I'm reminded of our love & you a beautiful being that improved my life so much. I cry & wish really hard that you are back with me again. My heart aches to feel the love we have again. I'm still here & without you, it's as if I lost my guide through this life. Now it's just a schedule of things. For any one who's still reading this, please do consider researching pet insurance that goes beyond wellness plans. Kane & I thank you.