Private Thumper's War Journal

16/04/2021

Another thing that happened last year:
About 2 or 3 weeks after Yogi went MIA Mike decided to take his re****ed fat behind out on some kind of solo recon to try to find him, slipped out through the dog door and Bammm!!! Mike's missing for a few days. The old man ended up hobbling his broken self around the whole AO, in the rain for hours looking for him. He finally came back after about 3 or 4 days looking like hell. Claws were all chewed up, one was half pulled out... never in my career have I seen such a use of a soldiers primary service weapons. He ended up getting restricted to his quarters for a long time after that.

11/04/2021

So it's been a while..... let me tell you last year was insane. After Yogi was listed as MIA, things just weren't the same... and really still aren't. A new 'cruit was brought in to fill his spot but she is no Yogi. What she is, is, an anti social as***le... her name is Mila, like seriously who would name their kid that? When she first came into the base camp mike would have just as soon killed her as even looked at her, but he and Yogi were really tight, so I get it, who really wants to feel like their battle buddy just got replaced? And who is going to be willing to get all chummy with the replacement? Yogi and I weren't all that close anyway so I figured I would give the newbie a shot.

28/06/2020

Things to know about your feline soldiers: Part 1.
Our favorite sports are:
Hockey-have you ever batted an object around on a flat smooth surface while you chased it?
NASCAR-Running around in circles at breakneck sp*eds is awesome (Bonus if this is done at 0300 hrs).
Hunting- Hello, you get to eat the prize....
Bird watching- Okay this is mostly about fantasizing about hunting but still... birds are yummy.

12/05/2020

Private Yogi Bear has officially been listed as MIA. Private Yogi left for a patrol of the area surrounding FOB Bear last night at approximately 2000 hrs. He has missed his check-in and despite a coordinated and ongoing search he is still missing. The locals have been notified and will be on the look-out. We are hoping for his safe return, at which time he will be locked the hell up and not allowed outside the Basecamp ever again.

03/05/2020

Yogi went out on a patrol today and captured an enemy. He decided to bring the bird into the house for an interrogation, the commander was not pleased. I've never heard a scream like that in my life.... the bird did survive and was released, the lizard he had interrogated in our quarters earlier was not so fortunate.

29/03/2020

Coronavirus medical masks being voluntarily mass-produced by veteran-owned brand ‘for pennies’

https://www.foxbusiness.com/money/coronavirus-medical-masks-produced-veteran-owned-brand

Fed up with slow medical supply production, Nine Line Apparel founder Tyler Merritt is self-funding mass produced masks to sell at driven-down prices.

18/03/2020

20/01/2020

Every time I begin to doubt the combat abilities of Privates Rocky and Liberty they surprise me. A giant menacing marsupial breached the perimeter and attempted to enter the motor pool bay.. I can only assume to perform some kind of sabotage. The indigenous infiltrator was captured by the two, usually cowardly, canines. The two disobedient dogs diligently played tug of war with the obstinate opossum until it was finally saved by the old man, who took pity on the poor beast and ushered it to safety outside the fence line. Yes he made sure it was not wounded too terribly to take care of itself (a mistake in my mind, personally I would have let them finish it off and rewarded them by turning it into stew for their supper). It was a big one though, the commander didn't even know they got that size. If I had to guess this was the same bastard who ambushed Yogi while he was on patrol and left him with a couple of puncture wounds... You should have seen him walking around 😂 with a patch on his back shaved 😂🤣🤣🤣... Hilarious... It wouldn't have been as funny if he had been seriously hurt, but wow, he looked ridiculous... Anyway the bastard got what he deserved for violating our base camp.

11/11/2019

The orange one must be one of Mike's relatives... I asked him for some simple help training Yogi and he walked away to go eat....

06/11/2019

Mike actually said this to the old man this morning... I had to pull him aside and explain to him that it's not a good idea to make fun of the guy who controls your food.

02/11/2019

There is no hope for this private.

01/09/2019

Private Yogi has decided that he wants to be a tanker....

28/08/2019

Someone (Yogi) has not been paying attention during my weekly safety briefings when I say "Stay away from soldiers who may be a bad influence, or spies, or can swallow you whole"!.... This private is more trouble than I can imagine... But a he annoys Mike so... I guess it's alright.

08/08/2019

Ummmm.... About the new guy..... Yeah.... He might be brain damaged ..

24/07/2019

A few weeks ago the Commander and SGM brought in another newb. What is this place, a clearing House for untrained 'cruits? The new guy Private Yogi Hunter was even fresher than Mike was when he was transferred in. Seriously, these other troops are cramping my style. Yogi seems to have no clue about tactical movement whatsoever, what are they teaching these kids? It's laughable. Just graduate them from basic and then they become the units responsibility... Well guess what that means? Thumpers got to do it. He doesn't understand his place at all, for God's sake he perches on shoulders like an F'n bird. F**k me dead, I've got my work cut out for me.....

27/04/2019

I cannot believe Private Rocky.... I'm not racist but these canines... Sometimes I think they're not cut out for service. Seriously... Rocky comes in spreading filth through the entire base and wonders why he gets a GI shower. He was complaining to me today about how he is "unappreciated" because he has chased away so many enemy squirrels... I looked at him as calmly as possible and asked "Did you capture any of them?"

"No, but they're squirrels" he answered "and squirrels are stupid, and they are bad, and I am a good dog".

"Did you kill any of them?"

"No, because they are fast, and they get away to the fence so I can't get them, and then they call me names, so I yell at them to stay away".

I just put my face in my paw and shook my head...

First of all he gets GI showers because he's a slob who refuses to bathe himself, just like all dogs.. I literally bathe myself at least 12 times every two hours. Then he tries to remind me that one time, one time he caught that enemy spy, I was like "dude, that was 3 years ago, and it was litterally a turtle". Sometimes I just can't deal.

31/12/2018

And anytime you try to take my food... The same will happen again. Damn newbs.

22/12/2018

Shortly after this photo was taken private Tiger disappeared...

15/12/2018

On a lighter note... Mike did not like my practical joke...

15/12/2018

We lost a special dignitary last week, so the SGM and Commander have been out of the AO taking care of those matters. Privates, Rocky, Liberty and Mike are all mourning the loss of Dad Gary. I still don't understand these foreign rank structures but I do understand he was probably some kind of head of state. I have actually known him for longer than I have known the SGM and will greatly miss the pomp and circumstance that came with his arrival. Apparently anytime he was in the area of FOB Bear he took an accompanied tour the Outback, one of his favorite places to visit. I still don't know why, if we are that close to Australia, I have never seen a kangaroo.

29/08/2018

This morning private Rocky invaded the command quarters without permission, and failed to even wipe his grubby paws. He was lucky the commander chased him out before I "counseled" him on his improper intrusion.

29/08/2018

Colonel Crow sent over a new training aid today. I had to properly supervise Mike's training to ensure his suitability for future combat operations.

05/08/2018

So just a few days ago private Mike left the security of the command area while the SGM was getting ready for his daily command meeting. When the canine units reentered from their exterior patrol the results were spectacular, immediate, and in my opinion hilarious.... The canine soldiers attempted to "assist" Mike with training and scared the hell out of him... Actually they scared the p**s out of him, litterally. He ended up stuck against the gate until he finally made it through. It was funny, I couldn't stop laughing at Mike cowering like a scared child under the bed while the dogs jumped around, and the puddle of p*e in front of the command quarters... I was rolling on the ground laughing.... The raw 'cruits are so soft.

29/04/2018

Private Rocky apparently fancies himself some kind of frogman.... Ha.. he is waaaaay toooo undisciplined for any of that... He will wash out in a week.

19/02/2018

Just about 1 week after Private Mike was assigned he took it upon himself to move into the command quarters. At first this annoyed the p**s out of me, but at times it's fun having a young soldier around. Green 'cruits can be fun to watch.... so nervous. I do like the fact that he really doesn't care for Rocky, but for God's sake let the Sergeant Major sleep. He's begun patrolling independently at night, but he doesn't venture to far when he's on guard duty. I do appreciate how quickly he picks up on some of our responsibilities. Laundry for example. He just followed my lead and knew exactly what to do.

31/01/2018

Private Rocky was barking like a mad man and the Segeant Major went to see what he was going on about this time... Apparently this time his alarm was necessary. Private Liberty had gotten a small stick wedged between to two rows of her upper teeth and the Old Man had to reach in there to pull it out. I might have chuckled a little bit when she bit down on his hand... hopefully he didn't notice my slight laugh at the situation. There is no way I was sticking my paw in there, have you seen her teeth? She didn't draw any blood.. but did leave a good impression on his hand.

26/01/2018

I was informed by the Sergeant Major that in fact the rumors were true and and a new recruit has arrived at FOB Bear, Private Mike D. Tiger. The good news is he's feline, the bad news he is very green. This newbie has barely finished basic and apparently will be in training status for some time. For the next few days he will be segregated for in processing. He better not be as loud as Private Roentgen. Attached is a file photo of him right before he left his basic training class after receiving his assignment here.

25/01/2018

Rumor has it a new recruit will be reporting this week. I cannot say I am happy about this revelation. I made very clear to the commander that if she brings in another canine I may go awol. I repeatedly have made command aware that feline recruits make better soldiers than the alternative. I just hope they have been listening. Despite Private liberty being at times tolerable, private Rocky still annoys me endlessly. Neither of them have even learned to use a proper litter box latrine yet and are still going in the yard, and despite a few holes being dug by liberty it seems neither of them have even learned to properly bury their excrement. It's embarrassing.

21/12/2017

The red dot continues to taunt me.... it has found an interesting strategy. It gets my attention and when I just about have it caught it will move to an area that doesn't allow for me to get proper traction. Why anyone would put hard wood, or tile in their base camp is ridiculous to me. Despite me constantly voicing my disapproval of these surfaces the commander has yet to replace them with carpet or litter. I have even tried to show my preference for carpet by refusing to vomit or cough up a hairball on any surface that is not carpeted... my protests have been ignored.

28/11/2017

For months now we have had Civillian Locals working on improvements to the base camp. Upgrading some of the fortifications, and doing some area beautification. This entire process has left the Sergeant Major and Commander very upset at times. These people don't seem to understand basic concepts like efficiency and communication. The delays to the completion, especially of the Dining Facility have really screwed up the SGMs schedule as he often enjoys preparing meals himself. Further it has kept me trapped in the command quarters more often than not and interfered with my daily patrols.