19/06/2025
Vulnerability with your dog. Can you offer it?
How would you feel with your dog standing over you while you're on your back, standing on you and licking your face/mouth, maybe a paw pressed on your neck or chest? Can you lie there and accept their exploration and information seeking? Or would you find this too much? Feeling uncomfortable or like they were 'dominating' you?
How often do we ask or expect our dogs to be vulnerable?
Unsurprisingly, my best sessions with dogs come when I'm not videoing - I'm all in without distraction, but it really would be lovely to show what progress looks like when you can be truly, authentically, connected.
I've been working with a dog since January, the end goal is to be able to do solo walks with him. He has some struggles, and most weeks, my session is simply being there for him.
Before I went down to Cornwall, I was using food with him - 90% in connection with contact from me, but I'd also used it to put on his collar, harness and lead. It's a common tactic for dogs who aren't comfortable with having their equipment put on, and it works when needs must. My view has changed greatly on whether this is the right thing to do when you have time - and we should be making time.
Back story: This dog is mildly hand shy - especially as we're still building a relationship. He can have a grumble at mum and dad when they're putting his harness on as it's quite cumbersome, but essential to prevent him slipping out of it.
This weeks' session, the dog started in a reasonably stable state (sometimes he can be really stressed when I visit, sometimes he's all good - it depends on the previous 48 hours)
As usual, we started with some regulation and information seeking - I had planned to get him out to the car and maybe for a drive, as we'd done twice before in the last 6 weeks. (note: working with dogs isn't linear, when we listen and accept their emotional state, we go back and forth in 'progress').
When it came to picking his collar up, I was very attuned to how his body language changed.
It came to me how vulnerable we ask dogs to be - as soon as those collars and harnesses go on, our opportunity to use 'power over' increases quickly - they become easier to move about, it becomes our choice where they go, how they get there, what sp*ed. While the majority of us still do this with kindness and care, we are still asking our dogs to be vulnerable, removing their ability to run away and make their own choices. In some cases, people use these tools to force dogs to do as they're told, often 'to make their life easier' by sp*eding things up.
We have to be realistic, we can't always wait 20 minutes for our dog to walk through a gateway - but having awareness of their vulnerability can help us empathise with them and support them better. It's no surprise some dogs try to avoid a harness if they get picked up or tugged every time they hesitate.
Back to the collar: Previously, I've used a treat on my leg for the dog to eat while I pop the collar on. It works, it's non conflict, but that doesn't make it the best way to build trust.
This time I laid the collar on me, and continued to offer safety, regulation and for the dog to seek information from me. As he relaxed, I'd move the collar a little - he'd notice and take a minute to be comfortable again - we repeated this until I could pick up the collar and bring it to his body - it took about 10 minutes until he was ready and accepting and Trusting of me to put the collar on.
As soon as that was done, I went into the most vulnerable position I could for him, and allowed him to regulate and find out how I was feeling (safe) in this position - after a few minutes, he relaxed and I slowly sat up.
The dog went into what we call the Trust position: On his back, exposing his vulnerable areas. He's asking a question: Can I trust you? I can answer this by a series of movements and not taking advantage of him. He also gave me a few gentle bites to test: Am I still safe if I express myself or make a mistake? I answer by not changing my emotional state or reacting to him. I am safe.
We spent time together relaxed then moved on to the harness - given this is quite a bulky cumbersome item, the dog was able to progress through this bit in less time than the collar because we'd built our relationship around the collar. He was accepting of it going over his head while being regulated and knowing how I was feeling. Instead of moving his leg through the harness leg, I touched his leg a couple of times and he picked it up and moved it in place himself - no grumble or questioning. He ignored the clips being done up while I continued to impart safety to him.
Again afterwards, I was vulnerable with him and allowed him to guide the regulation and when he was ready, I sat up again. We went through another short question of trust, and a little testing, and he was confident in our relationship at that moment.
After this, attaching the lead to the harness was accepted straight away - before hand, again this could need a treat to put hand over his back.
He'd done so well and we'd made a huge progress in 30 minutes... I chose to not go out, we moved about the room and then sat together, with the dog showing that he trusted my choices at that time. (And no, it won't always take do long, but you have tomstsrt somewhere).
We then took a few minutes to work through removing all of his equipment, which again can at times need a food distraction - but this time he had no question of my hands moving around him and unclipping things.
He sat in to me, and then laid opposite me around 2 feet away. I needed a drink so I got up and went to the kitchen: For the first time in 6 months, he felt SAFE enough, to just stay laid in his spot while I went away and came back again. To many people this wouldn't be noticed, certainly not seen as progress: so many dogs can't just stay put while mum/dad/anyone leaves the room - so to me, this was a monumental step in our trusted relationship.
Note: it's ok to not feel safe doing this, it's ok to be able to.do this for a few minutes then get overwhelmed. Bring authentic is the bit that matters.
One of the reasons why dog professionals like me don't have loads of amazing before/after videos: Because true progression happens in micro-progressions. Another example of this: I dog I'm at the early stages of building a relationship with - one one visit he was blank staring, barely able to look into my eyes, the next session, he could look into my eyes about 60% of the time we were interacting. Huge progress but unnoticeable to most people observing, not seen in videos.
I work with dogs differently to most people, I like to express myself in stories like this post - my website is full of detailed explanations, because that's what I like to see when I'm looking. You get a little bit of me in every paragraph, and you'll either resonate and like what you read, or you'll know I'm not for you, and that's ok with me.
Either way, thank you for reading this far. If you like the ideas here, pop me an emoji below to help me share to more people. Here's a good boy Odin photo to enjoy!
If you see value in how I work with dogs, give me a shout. You can find out more on my website, or pop me a whatsapp 07709 699157
www.dogvergent.co.uk
