01/05/2021
βI can't do this anymore...IT'S TOO HARD!β
I remember looking up at the sun shining through the trees above me; and then looking out beyond the trees, watching the cows grazing quietly, as the grass beneath them swayed back and forth in the gentle breeze.
I remember thinking how enjoyable it would be to take my dog for a walk in that gorgeous bit of rare winter sunshine.
I remember feeling quite chuffed with myself for timing our walk perfectly; going at a time when it would be sunny enough to not need to wear my hat and scarf, yet still early enough for the park to be practically empty. It must have only been, what, about 8 am?
So we got out of the car, opened the park gate, and we'd only taken a few steps inside of the park walls when it happened.
One of the cows made a noise...
HOW HAD I NOT ACCOUNTED FOR THE COWS?!!
Oscar β who was at that time less than a year old, incredibly timid, and having not long since left the rescue centre β froze.
I could see the fear in his eyes, and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to convince him to keep on moving. Not even when I waved hot dogs under his nose and suggested that we headed back towards the car.
He. Was. TERRIFIED.
---------------------------------------------------------
I can remember that I was not feeling particularly great myself that day. You see, I have struggled with with Anxiety and Depression for as long as I can remember, and it had taken A LOT of planning and A LOT of gentle persuasion that morning to convince both Oscar AND my silly brain to get us both dressed, actually leave the house, and then go for a short walk to soak up some of the rare winter sunshine.
And I thought I'd timed it perfectly...but it turned out that timing wasn't everything; because the one little thing that I hadn't accounted for, was the cows.
HOW HAD I NOT ACCOUNTED FOR THE COWS?!!
-------------------------------------------------------
So there we were β stuck in a metaphorical puddle of mud, with no way to move forwards, but also no way to escape back to the car.
WE CAN'T GO OVER IT.
WE CAN'T GO UNDER IT.
WE COULDN'T EVEN BLOODY GO THROUGH IT!
We were STUCK.
Now, being 'stuck' is a major trigger of my anxiety, and I can almost feel that same anxiety bubbling up inside of me as I re-tell this story for you - it's as if I have just been transported back to that moment: where I could physically see my car through the bars of the park's gate, and I could see the wide open, empty fields just a few hundred metres away, on the other side of the one field that happened to be where the noisy cow was living.
But could we move towards either of these 'safe places'?
That would be a big fat
ππΌ NOPE ππΌ
-------------------------------------------------------
I could feel myself starting to panic, because I didn't know how to get us out of this situation. I could feel my own anxieties churning away in my stomach, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before my silly brain got the better of me and started making me feel like I was an inadequate dog owner; telling me that I shouldn't be allowed to have a dog if I couldn't even manage to take him for a short walk around the park by myself.
I mean, jeez, βit's just a cow!β.
BUT IT WASN'T JUST THE COW.
------------------------------------------------------
I hadn't been feeling great that day. And clearly Oscar hadn't been feeling too great either. We were both still quite new to each other, and although we'd made a start on becoming quite good friends, we hadn't yet become the rock solid besties that we are today.
I mean, Oscar was the first dog that I'd had full responsibility of as an adult, and in that moment of panic, I DID NOT feel well-enough equipped to act like the 'sensible one' for both of us!
(In hindsight, we probably should have just gone for a walk around the block, or gone out into the garden to play football instead; but alas, I had clearly been feeling determined that morning, not to let my silly head ruin my day; so we got ourselves sorted and off we headed for a walk around the park).
Anyway, I managed to stick two fingers up the doubting voice in my head, and then squashed down my own fears enough so that I could think clearly for just a moment; and that's when I happened to catch a quick snippet of eye contact from Oscar.
I can remember that it was literally just a split second...but it was enough for us to mentally connect and make a joint decision to just hang up our π©² 'brave pants' π©² for the day and head back home!
------------------------------------------------------
BUT WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO THE GATE BEFORE I HEARD A SOUND THAT MADE MY HEART SINK.
It was the sound of footsteps.
Footsteps, and a gentle panting sound that seemed to be coming from a (clearly, very happy) little dog.
And the sound was coming from the other side of the gate.
The one we needed to get through to get back to my car! π©
THAT WAS US: TRAPPED. AGAIN.
------------------------------------------------------
My anxiety got the better of me in that moment and I just crumpled.
I fell to the floor and I sobbed.
"I can't do this anymore", I said. "IT'S TOO HARD!"
Just then, Oscar, bless him, poked his nose under my arm (which was bent up towards my face, so that my hands could try to hide the tears that were streaming down my cheeks) and leaned into me.
I could feel him physically shaking as he pressed his body up against mine. He was still terrified...but here he was, trying to make sure that I was OK.
HE WAS BEING THE 'SENSIBLE ONE'...
EVEN THOUGH HE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ACTUALLY TERRIFIED π
------------------------------------------------------
The lady with the dog came through the gate, saw me sat on the floor with my head in my hands, and stopped in her tracks.
I can remember her asking me if I was OK β and I can still hear her voice in my mind; it's as clear as day. I remember telling her that I would be fine, and that we were just having a rough day as my dog was quite new and quite nervous, and we were struggling to make it past the cows in the first field as they were scaring him by moo-ing. She very kindly offered to walk past with us, but I declined, as I could feel Oscar leaning even more heavily into my side, so that he could put as much distance between himself and the nice lady's dog as possible; so I told her that we just needed to go home β and that my car was only on the other side of the gate.
She looked at me, clearly worried for a moment, but then seemed to accept that I would be OK, and walked around us in a nice wide circle; giving us plenty of space so that her dog didn't need to come anywhere near me or Oscar.
------------------------------------------------------
Once she had passed, Oscar immediately started nudging his nose against my elbow β almost as if he were trying to tell me that it was time to get up and leave before someone else came in through the park gates!
The expression on his face while he did it made me smile π.
And when I looked more closely at his face, he seemed to be smiling back up at me ππ₯°.
This made me smile more. And I can remember looking him dead in the eyes and whispering, βwe need to do this our way, don't we? Because this way* clearly isn't working for either of usβ.
------------------------------------------------------
(*At that time we were attempting to use the desensitisation protocols that I now know are called The Engage-Disengage Game, and B.A.T; combined with basically anything that involved exposing Oscar to a trigger, and then asking him to do something so that I could reward him for it β the intention being that he would come to associate said 'trigger' with the requested behaviour and the yummy hot dog pieces that I had stashed away in my treat pouch.
This system had been working quite well whenever we could keep enough distance between ourselves and the trigger...but it all seemed to fall apart when something unexpected happened β which was what had happened on this day [because I hadn't anticipated meeting the cows!])
------------------------------------------------------
As I was talking to Oscar, his tail started to wag.
For the first time since we'd set foot inside the park gates, Oscar's tail wagged!
It was only a little bit a first β just the very tip beating on the ground; but then as I stroked his head and went to stand up, his whole body started to wag.
HE WAS SHOWING ME A FULL-ON 'HAPPY DOGGY' BODY WIGGLE!
(I had NEVER seen him do a 'happy doggy' body wiggle before!!!)
------------------------------------------------------
It seemed that our little 'moment' on the woodland floor had brought about a connection which I hadn't even realised that we were missing. However, now that it had been brought to my attention, there was no way in hell that I was giving it up!
My dog had managed to communicate his discomfort about the situation that we had found ourselves in with the noisy cow; and he had picked up that I was trying to communicate the same back to him.
WE HAD JUST HELPED EACH OTHER GET OUT OF WHAT COULD'VE BEEN QUITE A KERFUFFLE, IF EITHER ONE OF US HAD ALLOWED OUR ANXIETIES TO GET THE BETTER OF US.
But because we'd worked together, anxiety didn't win. WE DID!
------------------------------------------------------
It was in that moment that we both agreed to always have each other's backs.
And we've been that way ever since.
Inseparable.
BFF's for life!! π±πΌββοΈβ€πΆ
------------------------------------------------------
The short walk back to the car was pretty uneventful, and we decided to spend our afternoon snuggling up on the sofa, watching Harry Potter, and eating lots (and lots!) of snacks. We figured we'd had enough of 'being brave' for one day, and just wanted to hibernate for a while and enjoy each other's company.
------------------------------------------------------
I can honestly say that we've never had an issue like that since.
No, I'm not saying it's been easy, far from it; but we've made some MASSIVE LEAPS in terms of confidence-building over the past few years; so much so that Oscar β yep, the same dog who was terrified of a moo-ing cow, and a completely non-threatening super-friendly little spaniel β has become the Resident Stooge Dog for all of the work I do with Steady Neddies Horse & Hound.
HE has OFFICIALLY become the 'sensible one'.
And it's HIS JOB to hold the paws of all of the nervous doggies that we meet, and show them that life really isn't all that scary (and that humans can make AWESOME buddies, if only you learn how to talk to them and then let them know exactly how you need them to help).
------------------------------------------------------
This s**t works!
GAMES. WORK.
We are a living testament to just how good these thing are, and I wouldn't be sharing all of this with you if I didn't think that it could seriously help you too.
------------------------------------------------------
I've actually been 'umm'ing and 'ahh'ing for a long, long time about sharing this story with you, as it kinda makes me feel a little bit pathetic admitting to all of the stuff that happened on that day in the park π³.
I had hoped that the story behind The Anxious Dog Academy would be an impressive, maybe even heroic story that made me come across as someone who really knows their stuff and who definitely won't ever let you feel as hopeless as I did in the park that day: sat on floor, in the middle of the park entrance, crying my heart out.
Yet somehow, you knowing that I've been where you are now; and seeing that I have not only managed to come out of the other side, but have USED MY EXPERIENCES to create a whole new system that will help struggling owners β just like you - dig your way out of that anxiety-riddled pit, without having to go through the years of heartache that we did, actually kinda makes me feel like more of an expert of Anxious Dogs, than if I'd just given you a list of my qualifications and told you to trust me.
------------------------------------------------------
I KNOW that owning an anxious dog is seriously s**t sometimes...
..but I also know that they can make THE BEST snuggle buddies, and will be your absolute best friend for life, if you just take the time to help them feel better about whatever it is that is worrying them π
------------------------------------------------------
Your anxious dog is not a failure.
And their anxiety is NOT your fault.
However, they ARE relying on YOU to help them kick that little anxiety-gremlin πΊ to the kerb, and then bury him in a deep, dark hole in the back garden where he belongs!!
------------------------------------------------------
Qualifications come in really handy when it comes to the planning side of behaviour modification (and I'm so grateful for my Animal Behaviour degree, because I use what I learned at university on a more or less daily basis); BUT I think it's the personal experience that makes me such a good coach.
I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
And I understand how frustrating it can be to have worked really hard so that you can take 1 tiny step forwards...only to then be forced to take 11 steps right back again!
I get it.
It's HARD.
But that's why I'm here.
To help get YOU through the tough days, so that we can team up and work together, to coach your dog through *their* struggles.
Side-by-side.
π€πΌ We can be forever!) π€πΌ
------------------------------------------------------
My inbox is always open, and the doors to The Anxious Dog Academy will be opening soon β so if you've been reading this and found that you didn't have to try too hard to picture yourself in my shoes [i.e. sobbing into your dog's fur while they're trying to battle through an anxiety attack of their own], then I'm willing to bet that you're also the kind of person who would do whatever it takes to help your anxious dog have that calm confidence, to feel like they can go anywhere, and do anything; without having to worry about a thing.
IF THERE'S EVER BEEN A TIME WHERE YOU'VE THOUGHT TO YOURSELF,
β βWhat have I gotten myself into?β
β βWhat am I supposed to do now?!β
or
β βWhy can't my dog just do X, Y, Z like a normal dog?β -
THEN WE SHOULD TALK.
------------------------------------------------------
The Anxious Dog Academy is a safe space for dog owners β just like you β who are struggling with the day-to-day requirements of living with an anxious dog.
Inside our doors you'll find help, support, and the friendly faces of other dog owners who have either been just where you are; or who may still be in the exact same boat as you: just muddling through in the best way that they know how.
Inside our doors, we're ALL learning lots of fun new ways to help manage our dog's anxiety levels (yes, that even includes me and Oscar!), as well as learning how change some of that anxious energy into something far more playful and productive!
We have:
β‘ LIVE GROUP TRAINING CLASSES.
β‘ Regular LIVE 'CHILL OUT & CHAT' SESSIONS, where you can talk to your Trainer about anything and everything that's on your mind.
β‘ As well as our trademark TARGETED TRAINING GAMES, which will help to give a purpose to the interactions between yourself and your dog; whilst still keeping them super-fun and completely stress-free.
------------------------------------------------------
ππΌππΌ HIT THE LINK BELOW ππΌππΌ TO GET YOUR NAME ON OUR WAITING LIST, SO THAT YOU CAN BE FIRST IN LINE FOR ENROLLMENT WHEN THE DOORS TO THE ACADEMY OPEN LATER ON THIS YEAR.
https://mailchi.mp/db6f03213f8a/the-anxious-dog-academy-waiting-list
π Come and join a place where YOU matter just as much as your dog π
