15/10/2023
That’s my Grandpa Roger! 😊
Alright, everyone, pass your tests to the front.
Those words were spoken by my English teacher, Mr. Schoenberger, right before the class would hear a tearing sound.
At the beginning of the school year, Mr. Schoenberger had handed us an additional book to go along with our standard curriculum called "Word Power Made Easy."
I, being a straight D student in a classroom full of high achieving, super smart kids preparing for college, did not fit in.
It wasn't just my lack of intelligence that separated me from my classmates...
...well, yes, it was.
Because I knew they were smarter and much better prepared for the next step in our young lives, I relied on my perceived notion of humor to make myself feel better.
If I acted like I didn't care and made them laugh, I felt it made up for my inadequacies.
The ripping noise my classmates heard at the end of each test was that of me tearing out the pages of the previous chapter of this additional study guide.
Mr. Schoenberger would never say anything. This book was an additional resource we had to purchase separately, so the book was ours to do with as we wished, but at the same time, he had to find my actions annoying.
At the end of the school year, as I was destroying the last few pages of this book, Mr. Schoenberger told us we would have one final test based on each of the chapters we had studied throughout the year... while looking right at me.
I let out a sigh of relief when he laughed and said he was just kidding.
Word Power Made Easy is an opuscule designed to build your vocabulary.
It delves deep into roots, prefixes, and suffixes.
Though I took pride in paying no attention in his class, Mr. Schoenberger had a way of getting me involved without infiltrating my self-conscious bubble.
Every day, he was able to get through to me, ever so slightly, by utilizing humor.
I'll never forget the words, callipygian, and cacophony solely because of his humorous antidotes.
In the years following my English 5 class at Algoma High, I was exposed to many people who possess incredible vocabularies.
There have been countless times where I would have otherwise suffered from complete and utter embarrassment had I never been introduced to this book and Mr. Schoenberger.
I first felt the full effect of this magical scroll when dealing with superiors in the Army.
I realized quickly that what little I had retained from Mr. Schoenberger's class was coming into play.
When I got to my duty station in Central America, I wrote a letter to my former mentor admitting my failure of not understanding the importance of what he was teaching, while also expressing my appreciation for what he was able to get through to me.
His response?
A new copy of Word Power Made Easy, sent directly to my barracks.
That codex was cracked open more often than I can count, and has followed me through multiple relocations.
Over the years, the pages from Mr. Schoenberger's wordy gift have deteriorated from packing, dog ears, and overuse.
I finally had to buy my own copy, though the thought of asking Mr. Schoenberger to buy it for me did cross my mind.
Soon, my book from Amazon arrived in a 4 squre foot box, submerged in 30 yards of crumpled paper, inbedded in another box the size of a skid loader.
After spending way too much time freeing this book from its cardboard prison, I held it triumphantly in my hand.
Holding this shiny new tome made me reflect back on how I felt the two previous times I grasped this very publication in this most pristine state.
The first time as a student on the 2nd floor of Algoma High School, feeling fear of ridicule by a group of college bound classmates.
The 2nd time was in the commons area of my barracks in Panama, where I felt a thirst for knowledge.
And this time, while being engulfed by enough packaging to fill a medium-sized dumpster, I relived both of those feelings at the same time.
I was sad for my high-school self and, at the same time, proud of my young adult self...
...you know...
...bittersweet
...ambivalent
...ambiguous
...ambipathic
Oh, and for the record, no one in that English class thought I was funny.
Which made me feel sad...
...embarrassed
...lugubrious
...despondent
...
