06/02/2025
Imagine if everyone who suffered from depression, loneliness, etc. during the COVID lockdown were told that their expression of those feelings and needs was a "behavior problem" that needed "fixing." Imagine if we tried to reward or punish them out of it, rather than provide opportunities for safe social connection?
I hope that sounds ridiculous.
Unfortunately, this is how the industry has taught us to handle our dogs' emotional behaviors. Instead of social/emotional support to help the overexcited, aggressive, anxious, or stressed dog, we're told to focus on consequences to increase or decrease the behavior, as if the change in outward expression will magically fix the inner turmoil.
The industry has been telling us that relationships are transactional: "If you do this, I'll do that." But this isn't how social species, like humans and dogs, naturally relate, connect, or communicate. It's not how we heal and become healthier, happier, and behaviorally sound individuals.
It's ok to be your dog's friend, to respond with care when they are happy, sad, or angry. It's also ok to have boundaries, and to communicate them in a healthy and respectful way.
Our dogs need connection, and they need someone to listen to what they actually need from us, not what we think they need. When they feel heard and emotionally safe, behavior problems naturally disappear, because they weren't problems in the first place: they were communication.