ramblings of a rottweiler
This Kara everyone just to say that Thor did something very silly and now is sadly no longer with us. I will miss the big stupid black pudding. No doubt hes over the rainbow bridge creating mayhem and chaos there.
RIP Thor we loved you β€β€
Had a very good weekend as the small hoomans came and mum made them roast chicken so leftovers for tea nom nom and then she made drop scones for them for breakfast and made us some and pmd they were so good. Mum came back smelling of strange boy dogs again from the stables really not on. Its tipping it down today and apparently stopping to sniff every bloody blade of grass in the rain isnt funny ππ. So I came in and danced all over the bed in the front and now the sheet is covering beautiful brown paw prints π€£π€£ so she had to strip and change the bed ππ. I then waited until she had cleaned and hoovered the living I bounced all over the furniture knocking the cushions off then ripped up an amazon box. Dont tell me to hurry up
Been an odd week started off with a lot of wind (nuffin to do with me either) and rain mum came back from the riding looking like a drowned rat. Then halfway thro her show about the batty old woman in a bad hat the power went off!!! Spare hooman swore he had paid the bill but it stayed off until tues morning was really cold. Then tues night was another storm but lights stayed on. Spare hooman struggles to find a way home that wasnt flooded! I thought about going to rescue him but it was raining and I didnt want to get wet π€£π€£π€£. Mum decided it would be a good idea to clean out her wardrobe (it wasn't) obviously I helped despite being body shamed again and told there wasnt room for me!!!! And to get my fat side out!! On a plus tho I found a little stash of toys I must've hidden in there π€£π€£π€£. My little people are coming to stay tonight πππ lots of licks and cuddles for us
I am sp*echless (mostly because mum said she would duct tape my snout if I didnt shut up) sneaky steve did a full tour of our front garden now I'm sorry but that's a paw too far. No wonder I was barking then 3 deer decided run down past the house couldnt let that go unannounced mum likes deer (sadly not me barking tho π₯Ί). Just got that over and done and some delivery men arrived with something for the spare hooman!!!!!. Would also like to say that mum calling me Lord fatarse isnt very nice and slightly body shaming tbh. Plotting me revenge against sneaky steve tho.
I helped mum with dusting although she said that chasing the duster and accidentally nipping her fingers wasnt helping so ungrateful. So as revenge she took these photos and has threatened to show them to my arch nemesis sneaky steve π±. Also if kara says once more " it's cold enough to freeze your balls off oh wait you dont have them anymore " I'll p*e on her tail again
So yesterday spare hooman, Holman brother Dave and oldest small hooman all went to IKEA apparently you can buy stuff there. So they came back and spare hooman and dave said they'd had meatballs to eat and a horrible thought hit me what if the vets were in cahoots with ikea and that's were my balls ended up π±π±π±. Am very concerned about this now.
Now today mum and spare hooman went off to take freya riding and they cam back stinking of other dogs π€¬ worse than that they feed them my biscuits. I'm so sh****ng on the beds all of them π€π€¬π€¬
I'm not a happy boy went to the vets, which I normally like apart from the thermometer obviously!! This time tho I went to sleep and woke up without my bo****ks now i was very attached to them i liked to lick them when people were round π€£π€£. Now theyve disappeared so am gonna call the police, interpol, FBI everyone this is serious people !!!! Plus mum is making me wear this stupid doughnut thing I look a right pillock and I'm dreading sneaky steve seeing me π€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈ
Today is my got ya day and I hope they're grateful they got someone as fabulous as me πππ I was the cutest bestest puppy and now I'm the most handsome bestest boy dog πππ
So New year not gonna be any new me tho as I'm already perfect ππ am loving the wet weather because theres puddles and the ditches are all full of water and I can get all muddy sadly mum doesnt share my enthusiasm ππ she makes me stand while she towels me dry and never wants to play tug with the towel. I rolled kara over in the mud and both mum and kara weren't happy kara chased me and tried to bite my tail π±π±π±. Just had me tea was very good mince peas and pasta with dry food I scoffed it down in second time kara didnt want to share hers and gave a good growl. So I just laid close by and whined lol meany still didnt leave any for me. I'm skin and fang as well
Well I'm a bit worried think mum has some sort of weird fe**sh watching her this morning and she rubbed oil into the pork skin to make crackling ( which was bloody lovely) and then she did the same with the chicken. That's not normal from a woman who is veggie kara said it's a cook thing but I'm not sure. Am soooooo looking forward to my tea tonight theres leftovers and I can hardly wait lol. Hooman brother Dave, his partner Arianne who I have a bit of a romance going on with and his little hoomans came for lunch. Didnt tell them about the oil fe**sh thing might've put them off the food π€£π€£ mind there would've been more left for me dammit why didn't I think of this earlier
Hope everyone has a very happy, safe and peaceful New Year. Thank you all for reading my random ramblings I love you all and will see you next year ###x
Well OMD Christmas was amazing so so good ππ i left santa paws some bonios and some nice fresh water and he ate them all he just left crumbs. So kara was wrong and santa paws is real. we had a full turkey dinner which was fab although not sure everyone else was as pleased when the sprouts had their revenge. We got some brilliant toys and we didnt even fight over them π€£π€£π€£. I managed to nick an Amazon parcel that hadnt been opened and mum had to chase me round to get it out of my mouth was a great game didnt even want to give it up for a biccie. Mum was muttering about ferries again. So I got up behind her and pushed her off the chair which didnt go down too well. Still I love my mam and we had a lovely cuddle and I'm back to being the very bestest boy.
Happy Christmas I'm off to hang my stocking up for santa paws coming as I've been the bestest boy all year (well mostly) big slobbery kisses to everyone xx
Its nearly Christmas and I'm so excited for been such a good boy sort of. The living room is covered with bits of amazon box which mum is moaning a bit about π I feel it's fair payback for her singing if you can call it that. Wouldnt be so bad if she sang the whole song but no just random bits and it sounds like someone bit Odins tail π€£π€£π€£. Shes made mincepies they smell amazing but she wont let me have one as they're "poisonous " to dogs she ket the spare hooman have one that's not right π€¬ but santa paws is watching so will wait until after Christmas for my revenge ππ
I'm so so shocked I cannot believe it mum cheated when she was playing tug with me she used both hands how wrong is that!!!!! I got my revenge I not only got her fingers I left behind a very toxic fart π€£π€£. Me and kara almost caught a dragon( kara edit it was a very small newt π) but it flew off (it scuttled under a stone). I also chased a pheasant but it flew over the fence which I dont think is very sporting. I was snoozing beside kara the other day and she howled in her sleep I nearly fell off the sofa with shock mum laughed which I didnt think was on so might chew her doc Martin's that would show her. Am getting very excited about santa paws coming mum says I'm the bestest boy so I'm hoping for some new toys have even tried not to bark as much at the window although that's not going very well π€¦ββοΈ. I'm also hoping that it snows again that was sooooo much fun.
Want to wish my auntie Kaff a Happy Birthday shes 60 hooman years which is like a billion dog years (kara edit its 420 dog years) so shes really really old . Me kara and Dio send her big slobbery kisses ###
Well it was a miserable weekend and still I dont have indoor plumbing so I've had to go out in the rain wasnt impressed. The spare hooman moaned at me because I barked at the morrisons man. Sunday off they went to take the oldest of the smallest hoomans riding and they came home smelling of 4 let that sink in 4 different dogs and they think this is acceptable and worse they take some of our biscuits to give them π€¬π€¬π€¬. High spot tho they had a takeaway and mum shared her naan bread with us. Mum told me a was a numpty for barking at her walking stick so I went and had a little sulk in the corner.
Am gonna get a little bit serious it's nearly Stuff yourself with Turkey day or as hoomans call it Christmas. Puppies are not a good Christmas present even if you know what you're doing Christmas isnt the best time to bring one into the house. Please dont give puppies as Christmas presents we need a lot of attention, training, correct feeding etc. We are a 10 -15yr commitment you cant put us in a box when you're fed up of us. Also puppies grow into dogs we're still cute just bigger. Dogs are for life we love our hoomans and want and need love back we're not toys. I grew from a little ball of fluff to the magnificent specimen I am now in 2 years.
OMD its snowing I am beyond excited lol it's been coming down quite thick at times. I gave what I felt was a very spirited rendition of Do you want to build a snowrott nobody else was impressed everyones a music critic suddenly. Hope it snows loads and loads more βββ
This is a Kara takeover!!!! I've been very good with I've put up with been jumped on, nipped and woken up from naps because he wants to play. However he overstepped a boundary tonight HE PEED ON MY TAIL it's not in so ive made him a nice sign that says please look after this dog. He'll be on the next ferry back to Northen Ireland.
Mum has a new chair it's a recliner apparently I think its driven by witchcraft theres a bit that suddenly springs out from underneath well that's not normal. So I had
a really good bark at it and tries to bite mum said I was a silly sausage wont be that when the demon chair kills her. She then compounded the insult bu send the video to Tom in Ireland I mean he might show it to my mum and dad and kara says they'll think I'm a right weirdo. Mum says it might snow and I'm very excited kara says proper snow is great fun. Uncle dio says it's not and you can just about freeze your bo****ks off which must be true as he hasnt got any π€£π€£π€£.
I have decided after a lot of soul searching to put mum up for adoption and get myself a new hooman that doesnt moan as much. Honestly you would think it was the end of the world all I did was lick the blue cheese spread off her ryvita I left that for her mostly because they're rank but still I left it. She accused me of being the bu**er of hell said I'd come to a bad end and even threatened me with the bad dogs home!!!!!!. So if anyone would like to become my new hooman let me know. I may also consider going back to ireland to see my mum and dad bet they would be thrilled to see me ππ
Hot on the heels of the sneaky one came calor backed up the drive like he owned it then faffed about doing summat (Lara edit he was delivering the LPG) suppose we should be grateful that he didnt p*e on a plant π it's too much invading my space I shall have to start patrolling the boundaries a bit more. Obvs not when its wet, or dark or blowing a gale and possibly not in snow either or when it's too hot. (Kara edit last of the great heroes is Thor )
Just letting sneaky steve know who's in charge
Well the nerve the actual bloody nerve sneaky steve sneaked into my garden and cocked his leg on my plants I'm sorry but this is war!!!! I'll p*e into his stream next time the spare hooman takes me that way. Who does he think he is and me with a sore paw!! (Kara edit if he left his bloody paw alone it would be better π stupid boy dog) am gonna sit here for the rest of the day on guard!!
I'm very sad I have a sore paw π I managed to break a claw and the spare hooman had to take me to the vet. Vet was very nice and gave me some stuff to make me sleepy (I had to wear a muzzle was not impressed) then they pulled the claw out. I was very good and even the vet said I was the bestest boy as I didnt growl or react. The nurse gave me lots of cuddles and some treats. Mum made me scrambled eggs for my tea as it's my favourite ππ. This morning I gave mum my big sad eyes and she made me my own slice of toast and even put a little bit of her very yummy strawberry jam on. Wonder how long I can play on this for ππ
Oh my dog I'm 2 today and mum made me a birthday cake so I've had birthday cake for breakfast (I shared as well as I'm a big boy now) and I've got loads of new toys as well which I'm also sharing. Best day ever ππππ
So the week didnt start well I got tangled up in the toy basket trying to get a toy out. I may have spooked a little and ran across the room spreading toys ornaments and bits of basket everywhere was very scary. Kara, dio odin and spare hooman all laughed but mum gave me a big cuddle and made sure I was ok. I have found a new nemesis squirrels there were 2 down in the garden and me and kara nearly got them but they went up the tree so I sat under the tree for ages but they were too scared to come and face us. Am soooooo excited it's nearly my birthday and a parcel has arrived but kara says I cant open it til my birthday or the birthday rottie wont come. Kara also says I'll be a big boy then and will have to start acting like an adult rott. I dont wanna be a grown up wanna stay a puppy for ever ππ the peter pan of the rottie world.
So today has mostly been barking sneaky steve was sneaking round his garden giving me the 2 claw salute so I had a good bark at him. Then paul had a client over so barked at them. So then I just barked for the hell of it π€£π€£ unfortunately mum got fed up and put me in a timeout in the kitchen. So when I got out I got up beside mum and sulked so she knew I was in a mood. The spare hooman was out fitting small hoomans floor he brought in an Indian smelt sooooo good so I sat and stared at mum til she shared her naan with us. It was cheese as well and we had scrambled egg with cheese for tea might get a bit windy up here tomorrow π€£π€£π€£
Mum says this should be my new theme tune which I think is harsh tbh
Official Music Video for Bad To The Bone performed by George Thorogood And The Destroyers.
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Mum has a new chair it's a recliner apparently I think its driven by witchcraft theres a bit that suddenly springs out from underneath well that's not normal. So I had a really good bark at it and tries to bite mum said I was a silly sausage wont be that when the demon chair kills her. She then compounded the insult bu send the video to Tom in Ireland I mean he might show it to my mum and dad and kara says they'll think I'm a right weirdo. Mum says it might snow and I'm very excited kara says proper snow is great fun. Uncle dio says it's not and you can just about freeze your bollocks off which must be true as he hasnt got any π€£π€£π€£.
Just letting sneaky steve know who's in charge
Been a funny day I was sick this morning so obviously had to have a big cuddle with mum then I decided to rub my balls in her ear which was a step too far. She muttered on about personal space and other rubbish π shes overly dramatic tbh. The spare hooman has bought us new beds as I put my foot thro one of the others π€£π€£π€£. I'm not too sure about them tbh so decided to scrabble at them and things at which point he started muttering about the cost being nearly the GDP of a small country but you cant be too careful they might have been booby trapped by sneaky steve or odious Odin. Still on a plus my little people are coming to stay for two night which is always good I have my ear protection ready π€£π€£.
Very shady hoover lol
So I tried my paw at interior design today mum wasnt impressed lol
Had lots of fun today in the sun am quite tired now but it's nearly tea time dont wanna miss that πππ€£π€£
Well Morrisons have done me proud this week with the carrots some of them are massive very fangsome
Apparently it's not the done thing to pee in a paddling pool π€·ββοΈπ€·ββοΈ mum says I'm a minger I however have no regrets. Came in and annoyed kara π€£π€£
I'm the very bestest boy today mums training has worked and I just stood quietly and watched the bin men steal our rubbish mum was very impressed and gave me a treat ππ. Uncle Dio had to ho back to the vets he has cellulitis which I think is mums fault as shes keeping him in the crate which obviously is a cell which is why he has cellulitis. Kara says I'm an idiot and should keep my snout shut bit shes just a meany and I'll get my own back ππ
Have been on a mouse hunt today picked up the smell round the bottom of the bird feeders and tracked it all round butnindidnt find one π will try later. Mum went to the vet as she has a sore paw apparently me licking it wouldnt make it better how very rude. Kara was a meany this afternoon and wouldnt let me have the ball I was not impressed
I have learned to sing and yet the hoomans appear unimpressed they have no taste
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