19/08/2021
I recently went to Montana to a place called Heroes and Horses. It’s a 41-day program for veterans that are really struggling with life.
I showed up with 7 other guys, really anxious about the journey ahead.
We drove about an hour and a half from Bozeman airport to base camp. Our tents were another mile up the dirt road. We unloaded our gear at the tents then went to the base camp for dinner. Our meals for the next 41 days will be really healthy and have no sugar and no dairy. We have to walk a mile to our tents every morning and night and there’s an outhouse for us up there. So far, so good. I’ve lived in worse conditions.
The first day was pretty intense. We did a tough workout with kettlebells then went down to the stream to do some Wim Hof breathing in the freezing water.
The day was filled with horsemanship and we got our horses assigned to us, then went for a quick ride to get familiar with them.
The next day went at a faster pace and a million things were thrown our way. It was very contradicting between the instructors. One would tell us one thing, then another would show us something different. It was very confusing.
We had a guy in our group that was very nervous around the horses. He seemed scared to death of them. The main instructor decided to put him on a wild horse that had been out in the field for the past two years and threw him on. We went for a ride a little ways up the road and he told us to wonder around to get used to the horses. Five minutes later we hear the timid guy screaming, coming down the mountain. At the last minute the horse turned suddenly and threw him off, breaking his femur.
They called an ambulance and took him to the hospital. We were all feeling pretty down after that. Day two and we already lost a guy that shouldn’t have been on that horse.
During our nightly meeting we tried to bring up how we felt after he fell off the horse and the instructor didn’t care to hear it. He wanted to ignore it and pretend like it didn’t happen. He didn’t take any responsibility for it. Just excuses like, “I told him how to stop if it got out of control.” Yeah like six hours before it and we barely practiced.
We lost all confidence in this guy right there.
The next day one of the guys decided to quit. This wasn’t the program he thought it was and wanted to go home. The instructor made him walk back to the tent and carry all his gear all the way back to the main camp. It took him a couple hours to get back. Once he walked past us and headed to the road, the instructor confronted him and got into an argument. He got upset with the guy leaving and knocked his hat off his head then kicked over his luggage. The police showed up after that. He was pretty ignorant with the cop from what he told us later that night.
The instructor continued to act a fool for the next week as we prepared to go on a seven-day pack trip with our horses and mules in the mountains. He messed up everything and took it out on us.
During our trip, about four days in, we stopped in a big open area by a river. We put the chains on the horses feet so they wouldn’t wander off too far. I asked him that night if we should put them on a high line to make sure they don’t leave. He said, “They’re fine.” Sure enough we wake up to him screaming. “Why the f*ck are you guys still sleeping?! All the horses are gone!”
We all got up half asleep and started searching for them until we rounded them all up. Got loaded and moved out. That day was just a s**t show. He had no idea where he was leading us. We were all over the place, even walking down the side of the highway where my mule almost got hit by a semi.
We ended up in Yellowstone on the last night where we weren’t supposed to be. He just blew it off like nothing was wrong. The whole trip was garbage. We were in the most beautiful surroundings but couldn’t enjoy it at all. We were all dragging and felt like crap with this guy around, which defeated the whole purpose of the program. Every time we stopped to camp he’d just sit on his ass and bark orders. If we had questions on what to do, he’d say, “Figure it out.” The only thing that saved us this trip was a guy named Deek. Tough old cowboy who was just volunteering his time to help us. He kept us motivated when we were crashing and kept encouraging us to move on. We were so lucky to have him with us.
Once we returned to camp, four of us went to ranch week. We drove an hour and a half up past Helena. I was so grateful to get out of there and away from that toxic turd. We had a blast at ranch week with two cowboys named Russ and Joel. We rode so many miles in the back country. He actually taught us horsemanship and didn’t belittle us every chance he could. We chased cattle for days and we felt so much more comfortable on our horses. None of us wanted to go back. But unfortunately we had to.
Once we got back it was the same dark feeling before we left. As soon as we got back this instructor decided to change out my horse at the last minute. I had already bonded with mine and we were a great team. No reason to switch now. But he felt like being a prick and did it anyway. It takes four guys to corner this horse everyday. He’s completely out of control. I can’t control him with two hands, let alone have a hand free to carry my mule along side me.
I worked with this horse for three days trying to get him under control with no luck. Even the trainer tried to help me and beat the crap out of him for 45 minutes trying to get him to listen and nothing worked.
The day before we we’re getting ready for an 11 day pack trip we went to a rodeo on the 4th of July. The instructor was drinking all night while telling us we couldn’t drink. He drove us back, swerving all over the road. When we got back I brought him aside and asked him if I could just have my original horse cause I can’t get this one under control. I didn’t feel comfortable taking him on the eleven day pack trip. I had a gut feeling I would end up getting hurt on this trip. He said, “Why the hell are you bringing this up right now?” I said, “I’ve been telling you the past three days this horse is out of control.”
He said, “So you want to kill yourself but you’re afraid of a spirited horse?”
I couldn’t believe he just said that. Something I’ve been struggling with the past couple years and he wants to throw that in my face. My blood was boiling so bad I wanted to break his jaw.
I went back to the tent and told the guys what he said. They couldn’t believe how ignorant he was. I called Mindy, fuming. She said she’d start driving right now to come get me. I told her I’d try and calm down and see if I can finish this course. Hours went by and I couldn’t sleep I was so pi**ed off. I ended up calling her around 3am and asked her to come grab me. She didn’t hesitate. She wanted me out of that toxic environment.
Once we got down to the main building in the morning, I told this piece of s**t I was done. He tried to backpedal and gave a fake apology, then tried to turn it back on me. I just walked away. There’s nothing you can do with a narcissist but walk away. They are always right. They will never take responsibility for their actions. They will always turn it around to make you feel like it’s your fault. No empathy for anyone, he didn’t care if any of us got injured. It seemed like he wanted us to suffer as much as possible.
Once Mindy picked me up and we started driving home I got a call from the main guy telling me I can’t run from all my problems and that I have to control my emotions. Just like when the instructor knocked the guys hat off and kicked his luggage down the hill. I don’t think so. I didn’t end up choking the s**t out of him which is all the control I had left. I’m not running from anything. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have to take that crap from anyone. I teach my kids to do the same. Treat people with respect, it’s pretty simple.
I was hoping with me leaving he would stop being an as***le to the other guys on their 11 day trip. But the abuse continued. He was calling out their military service in a negative way. Chewed them out for everything. He lied to them saying he called my brother, and he said I had been planning on leaving the entire time. Just a poor excuse so he didn’t have to take responsibility for me leaving. There’s no way I was planning on coming home early if it wasn’t for him.
A couple days into the 11 day the main guy calls this instructor in the middle of their trip. The instructor comes back to the guys in tears apologizing about how he’s been acting and that he’s been a p**s poor leader to them and that he was getting relieved. None of the guys said anything to him. Just let him cry and give his fake apology. Karma is real and he just got it.
The main guy rode up on his horse and relieved this tool on the spot then made him ride out by himself.
The guys told me the rest of the trip was awesome. They still covered some tough terrain, but the absence of one guy made the rest of the trip amazing. It’s crazy how one toxic piece of s**t can ruin the groups morale and cause them to not want to be at a course specifically designed for veterans to help rediscover life again.
From what I heard he was fired. I hope that’s the case. This guy is the definition of a bro vet. Constantly bragged about what a s**tty Marine he was. Bragged about being heroes and horses PR’s worst nightmare. Come on now. You can do better. Having a guy like that representing your brand probably isn’t in your best interest. This guy has no business trying to help other veterans. He has so much of himself to work on.
I’m glad I went. I wish we didn’t have the experience we had. I’m glad I met the guys in the group, they were a great. None of them deserved to be treated like that.
I’m so grateful for my wife Mindy. She always has my back no matter what. She didn’t go silent or just tell me to get over it. She’s always there picking up the pieces when I’m at my lowest. I’m so thankful for you.
After all was said and done the main guy called me to apologize for his actions. And offered for me to come back later on to finish the course. Not sure if I will but we’ll see.
