20/08/2025
A short conversation the other day with someone at work has stuck with me and made me realize just how far I've come since my divorce in March, 2023. She asked if I was married and I told her I was divorced after 24 yrs of marriage. She said she was divorced, too, and asked me if I have moved on. I said "yes" (because I am not pining for him; in fact, never did once I found out he was cheating. I am not stuck in the past and wishing things could have been different).
She asked me how long it took. I told her I wasn't sure, that one day I just decided moving forward was better than looking back and I am still moving forward. She looked at me kind of weird and then said, "no, I meant moving on as in choosing someone else to be with. So, you haven't moved on".
Oh, nope! If that's your definition of moving on, then I haven't done that. But that's a pretty narrow definition of "moving on". She told me she was in a new relationship within 8 months but nobody out there truly fits her anymore and yet she doesn't want to be alone.
I told her I viewed moving on as healing for myself..nothing to do with having another relationship. We parted when lunch was over but I am still thinking about the topic of "moving on" and how it can be different for everyone.
I moved on when...
I set small goals for myself and achieved.
I sold or gave away every piece of furniture he made or gift he gave me.
I destroyed every single picture of him.
I realized I truly didn't know who he was, and obviously was unaware of the depth of deception he was capable of.
I came to terms that I had no idea who I married.
I blocked one of his sisters who was being nosey all the time with the pretense of "checking on me".
I learned how to identify and enforce my boundaries.
I could quickly identify people in my life whose energy does not/never will match my own.
I moved on from the girl in the past who tolerated way more than she should have in my relationships not just with him but with others who I used to call friends when I realized it was one-sided and I was making all the effort.
My life is so much better than being with someone selfish and deceptive; someone who could claim to "love" me and then lie daily to my face.
Moving on for me looks like enjoying my life every day; new friendships with women, new adventures. Meeting a goal of becoming a Notary Public (something I have wanted to do for years and finally was able to in 2024). Starting another small business to focus on arts and crafts. Being grateful for every blessing in my life and looking forward to what the next 6 months/next year will bring.
I'm not in any hurry and if I ever find anyone to be in a relationship with again I will not be the same person I was when I met him. I will be the woman who healed from massive betrayal by taking time to focus on herself and creating a life I deserved all along. A life full of joy, gratitude and authentic relationships. ❤️