21/12/2023
Important info for all of our bulldog families 🤣
Congratulations on acquiring your Bulldog. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below:
Although your Bulldog comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have issues with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.
Mode 1: This is the sleep mode, activated for the majority of the day as the Bulldog ages. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can.
Mode 2: Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effect of anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There are inherent issues with the timer settings of anarchy mode in regards to there being none. Should your Bullie suddenly go from comatose to running around the walls, we cannot stop this feature.
Sunlight: Do not allow your Bulldog to stay in the sun too long. They can burn and over heat if left unattended but they also recharge. Too much of a charge and mode 2 can be activated without warning.
Energy consumption: This has been an ongoing issue as their energy consumption is too direct. We have tried to put baffles, non return valves and diversions in place but none seem to work adequately. Safe to say what goes in comes out, in both solids and gas. The gas, although noxious, can only inhibit breathing of the owner for up to ten minutes.
Naming: Your Bulldog comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:
Di****ad
Sh****ad
Goofy
You’re kidding me
Is that yours?
Don’t you dare
Ok, you As***le
Put that down
Why?
Leave it
Drop it
Get that out of your mouth
Sock thief
Stubborn Ass
The zipper: We ask you not to try to open the Bullie's zipper on their belly as this will invalidate your one hour warranty. Rumours that they are merely toddlers in a dog suit is highly contested.
Software: Your Bulldog is pre-installed with the highest software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love every one chip, fun chip and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the Whatthehell operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.
Should you have any queries you can reach us on 118-what-did-I-do
Thank you.
We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your Bulldog. Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out.
Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns...ever. It’s your problem now.
(Last part is not completely accurate as per our contract lol)
