14/07/2024
This is such an important message that is so true among our community…
Your new "ethical" choices are not weapons for you to use against others.
There are sweeping changes, a tide swelling, within the community of horse-loving people. We are learning. We are growing. We are opening our eyes. We are realising.
We are realising that the things we used to do, were a problem for the horses. We realised that how we used to train, ride, keep and handle horses is no longer how we want to do it. So we learn. We sought mentors and teachers. We grew. We changed.
But just because we changed, doesn't mean everyone has to change in identical fashion to us. Nobody has to follow you on your exact path. Good training, can look like so many different things.
Your new choices you deem more ethical, are your new choices. They may not be someone else's choices. You are not permitted to weaponise your new choices against others. I mean, you can do what you like. I guess what I am saying, is that I do not personally or professionally condone that conduct.
I know it is tough. Because you see someone doing something with a horse, and they are laughing, or continuing unaware of their horses signs of pain, distress or discomfort. You want to help them. You want this person to stop harming horses AND to avoid the same mistakes you made.
So you make a comment. It comes out of you passive-aggressive even though in your heart you meant it with kindness.
So you make a face. You tried to not be bitchy, but you judged the others anyway, you judged them as Less-Than you because their choices are different.
So you come and tell them what they should and should not be doing, unsolicited. After all, you deem their behaviour ignorant and harmful, and deem your choices superior and well-informed.
That. Is. Abusive.
That. Is. Disrespectful.
That. Is. Demonstrating. That. You. Have. Not. Changed.
You used to force, or manipulate horses to your will. Now you force and manipulate other peoples horses to your will through anti-social tactics against other people. Usually these other people are your friends, acquaintances or even clients.
You used to be unaware of your impact on horses. Now you are unaware of your impact on others.
You used to be harsh on people who didn't dominate or force their horses like you. Now you are harsh on people who don't work softly and correctly with horses like you.
Let people have their journey. Let people experiment. Let people try. Let people find out for themselves. Let people explore their options and maybe even (gasp) allow other people to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Be there for them when they screw up, if they screw up.
But peering through the curtains, raising your eyes, saying Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda's AT them when they did not ask for your help... is not helpful.
Let me say this very clearly.
To my students. My friends. My colleagues. My clients. The people who have bought a course, done lessons, subscribe to services and content. Attended a clinic. Anyone who has passed through Emotional Horsemanship or Lockie or Lockie adjacent. I speak directly to you. If this shoe fits, wear it. If it does not, I do not speak about you.
I, Lockie Phillips, DO NOT CONDONE you weaponising my teachings, or my methods against people who are making different choices with their horses. Yes, even if you think they are harming their horses. I do not condone, support or encourage you employing manipulative, passive aggressive, aggressive, bitchy, high-schoolish, mean-girlish, tactics to "tell" others that they are making bad choices and should do it like us instead. I do not condone it. I do not do that. And if I do it unintentionally, I apologise, and rectify my behaviour. I do not support, encourage or expect my community to engage in toxic judgemental behavioural patterns with their friends, clients, community or acquaintances. At all. Dot com. Ever.
If you are doing this in my name or in the name of my methods, please stop. Stop. And apologise. How you represent yourself, and us, matters. Stop throwing fuel on the fire.
Now, what to do instead?
You identify that you do not like what someone else around you is doing with their horses? Here is what you can do.
1. Lead by example. Practice with YOUR horses and focus on your results.
2. If they ask you for help, and you are able to help them, then help them without condescending or patronising them. Help them as equals, or do not help them at all.
3. Reach out to them, in a friendly manner, and ask them if they are open to your feedback. If they are, present the feedback in an open way too. You might be wrong.
4. If you recognise a real situation of active abuse or neglect, go to authorities, if this owner is not open to guidance, support or direction. Authorities might be barn managers, their trainer, or Animal Control.
These are the actions I have taken in the past.
I speak to you as someone who is very harsh on the problematics practices in our industry, but who tries (and often fails) to be as soft as possible with the people. 99% of the time, when someone stands in front of me asking for help, and I see them doing or engaging in something that I deem problematic, I muster my self-control to help and support them.
Where do I draw the line?
If someone asked for my help, and we are many months or years into cooperation, and they consistently won't let go of a problematic practice despite my best efforts to engender new practices, and then they demonstrate a poor or rude attitude to me at a personal level around my feedback, I draw a boundary. My boundaries are immediate, hard and clear. But I put huge effort into someone else before I do that.
But I do this out in the open. And if I go too far and become harsh or judgmental on them personally, I apologise.
But I do not condone, that this growing community, become another Ethically Swinging Horsemanship community that is famous for being elitist, judgemental, or poor in their behaviours towards others. I have felt that first hand, had death threats out of such communities. It is the reason those communities do not grow.
Be good in community.
Control your judgement.
Exercise respectful discernment and support of others.
