Disabled.DVM

01/06/2023

I want to take this last day of Mental Health Awareness Month, to honor the reason I’m alive today.

✨content warning✨

It was my spring semester of my freshman year of undergrad. I was 19 and had sustained two traumatic brain injuries the semester prior. I was in the middle of my finals when the decision came to take a “grippy sock vacation.” I knew that when I was discharged, my mental health was going to not only be my sole responsibility but it would have to be my priority moving forward. That summer, I cut off 15 inches of my hair, got my first tattoo, and adopted the two cutest littermate kittens, Bonnie & Clyde.

I struggled with suicidal ideation for years, but each time my mind wandered down that dark path, the thing that always stopped me in my tracks was Bonnie. She had always had bad lungs from a young age. By the time she was a year old, she had already seen oral and inhalant steroids. Every time I went to that dark place, I’d reach a point where I’d ask myself:
But if I’m gone, who will pay for her inhaler?
Who will make sure she has dust free litter?
Who will give up their candles and air fresheners and take care of her the way I do?
What if she ended up with someone who didn’t want to help her?

So, I always lived for her.

Bonnie’s passing continues to be the most devastating loss I’ve ever felt. Bonnie was perfect. The most angelic little runt of her litter. Everyone who met her fell in love with her. She saved me every single day for nearly 8 years. She got me through breakups, all-nighters, illness, countless surgery recoveries, and some of the loneliest times during vet school. She’s the reason I’d wake up in the morning, and she’s the reason I was able to walk across that stage. So, I made sure she was right there with me to do it.

Even though she’s gone now, Bonnie will stay with me forever, and I’ll keep living for her.

My life is her legacy, in honor of her memory.

This is for Bonnie 💕

06/05/2023

Content Warning ⚠️

7 days ago I wished I had died.

But with these pictures, I could have written some sugar-coated BS story of how I overcame another major surgery in time to sport the ugliest haircut across the stage at graduation without mentioning the deeper story of the most harrowing post-op pain I’ve ever survived.

You’d never know by these smiles that following discharge I sobbed in torturous pain for 4 days straight. You’d never know I shattered my parents’ hearts, detailing how exponentially worse my pain was, another new diagnosis, fearing I’d just jeopardized my career, finally confessing I wish I had just died in surgery instead of being forced to live with this soul obliterating pain.

The hospital advised that with my new diagnosis, they could only “admit for observation” until after the weekend (which as many know: sometimes the hospital and its constant prodding and bright lights are worse than just waiting). My parents had never seen me go through something quite like this before, and my close friends were left in radio silence despite continuing to reach out as support. My parents, imaginably very frightened, never left me unsupervised the next several days. Eventually, together they all got me to my appointment, where I cried in front of my neurosurgeon for the first time ever after all these years.

Today, I’m much more medically and emotionally stable, and you’d never know where I was at just a week ago. There’s still a ways to go from here, but thanks to my support system I AM here.

I think sharing our stories on social media is what allows us to connect so well on here, but at the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of icebergs🧊 What is shared on here is only ever part of the story. We all have so much more depth beyond the surface, but we may not even scratch that surface with our IRL colleagues. But, why? After all, we get to know our patients and their lives with their humans because it helps us understand their them and treat them more appropriately for their specific situation. Can’t the same logic apply within our profession?

Consider asking someone their story and see where it leads them! In a (semi) post-pandemic world and an predominantly introverted field, sharing our stories (while maintaining appropriate boundaries ☝🏼) opens us up to connection, genuine professional relationships, with easier communication filled more compassion — which I think we can all agree that we could use a little more of within vet med💕

06/03/2023

I MATCHED!! 🥳

I’m so excited to announce that I’ll be moving back to Virginia at the end of May for a small animal rotating internship at my top choice program, VCA SouthPaws!

I never imagined an internship would be the path for me, mainly because for the longest time I never thought it was a possibility. My grades would never be good enough, my GPA never high enough. Before my medical leave, I thought I’d never be able to keep up because of my chronic illnesses. Then, I thought I’d never be able to catch back up from my leave off. I was sure the memory loss of my first two years of vet school would set me back too far. I’d be lucky to graduate, let alone consider an internship.

During clinics, I watched as my confidence in my knowledge, my skills, and my potential grew. Then in January, I learned I passed the North American Veterinary Licensing Exam (NAVLE) on my first attempt, something I was *certain* I’d never do. Yet, I still doubted that anyone would want to take ME on. After all, who would pick the intern candidate with chronic health issues, a disability, and some silly little blog? Who would want to the candidate that frankly has spent more time *on* an OR table, rather than next to it? Who would want to train me? Turns out, someone does want me, exactly as I am.

None of this would have been possible without some amazing mentors at my school who listened to me, supported me, challenged me, and reassured me of my place in this field. I also couldn’t have done this without all of you… this community in our small corner of the internet has been a lifeline for me more times than I can count over the last several years. I wouldn’t be here without this little account and all of you who have sent me messages over the years. So thank you, especially to the DVMs on here who have messaged me and reassured me that there ARE doctors who would gladly work with me and teach me, and I’m so excited that I finally found just those people. Y’all gave me the confidence to believe in myself as a future veterinarian and as an activist. Thank you simply doesn’t say enough 💕 I can’t even remember the last time I cried happy tears, but today they sure are flowing🥹

29/01/2023

More like… insurance: “She doesn’t actually need this medication. We’re not covering it at all.”

For all of us trying to get meds… 😆

15/01/2023

This is something a lot of people that don't live with chronic conditions never think about. We normalize a lot of things that should never have to be normalized.

31/12/2022

Rounding out the year with the great surprise of being a recipient of Vet Candy’s 2022 Veterinary Inspiration Award! Thank you for this incredible honor and for amplifying the diverse voices in our field!

Read more about the amazing accomplishments and contributions of my fellow recipients here:
https://lnkd.in/egXvR-dz

Veterinary Medicine

07/12/2022

“At least you look like you’re doing so well now!”

Who knew I could fake it til I make it so well?

Can they really not read the pain between the lines of my dark humored jokes? The trauma that lies beneath this work appropriate smile?

Makeup helps hide the sleep lost to the hours crying and screaming into my pillow, begging a God I’m not sure I believe in anymore to make it stop.

The pain patches, the muscle relaxers, the heating pad at my computer station, those are easy to see and not think twice about.

I do my work, and I genuinely love it.
I do it well and with a smile.
I snuggle my patients as much as they’ll let me.
Sometimes they’re the only thing that gets me through the day.

People never think to question the severity of the pain when you’re so casual about it.
Funny how casual is workplace appropriate only when you’re talking about your struggles.

“You look like you’re doing so well!”

The truth would scare them. It would make them uncomfortable.

I can’t possibly say anything honest.

I can’t tell them I’ve been dealing with pain so severe for so long that it’s made me question my own sanity.

They probably don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of pain. The kind of pain that makes you start to view death as merciful.

No, no can’t say that.
That would be too concerning.
Definitely too honest.

Think of something else to say.
“Thanks, I try to live as normal of a life as I can.”

Don’t forget your smile when you say it.

“Thanks! I try to live as normal of a life as I can!”

Who knew I could fake it til I make it so well?

** Normalize talking about uncomfortable topics. This post is NOT meant to raise concern. This post is meant to offer visibility and an honest perspective of the disabled vet med professional.**

04/12/2022

Over the last few years, I’ve spoken with countless veterinary professionals with disabilities. One of the biggest fears they have with being open about their disabilities, is that people will take opportunities away from them or decided what they can or cannot do. They’re afraid they won’t be able to achieve their full potential if they are open about their personal situations.

How can we ask more people to share their stories, if we then thank them by restricting them or making patronizing statements?

“You shouldn’t be doing that, I don’t want you to hurt yourself!”

“I’ll just have *insert co-worker* help me, it’ll be faster that way.”

“Well we care about you and your health, so we thought we would just have you do *insert much smaller role than I am capable of doing*”

“Well we knew you’d have to strain your neck to see anything, so we just figured you’d want to scrub into the next surgery.”

It’s time we start letting persons with disabilities determine their own boundaries.

Let us tell you what we can or cannot do.

Give us the autonomy to set our own limitations.

Let us do our jobs without making us “prove ourselves” first.

Make veterinary medicine accessible.

✨Happy International Day of Persons with Disabilities!✨💙

24/11/2022

This is my fifth and final Thanksgiving of vet school, and I wanted to make sure to set aside some time from NAVLE studying for a little reflection.

This is the first holiday season where I won’t be undergoing or recovering from a procedure or surgery, and that alone is something to be thankful for!!

Other things I’m grateful for this year:
- the health of my family (for the first year in a long time)
- the friends, both new and old, who have supported and loved me, even when it wasn’t easy
- my furbabes who have saved me from myself time and time again
- health insurance and the financial support to seek medical care
- my therapist
- Amazon lightning deals
- VetPrep PowerPages
- a safe and quiet home to rest, recover and rejuvenate
- clinics being SO much better than the pre-clinical years
- the amazing preceptors, mentors, and house officers who have restored my faith in this profession and my love for learning
- finding a discipline that fills me with excitement and passion

and, of course, the supportive network of internet friends I’ve found here on vetstagram, who’ve given me a safe space and acceptance to be my authentic self 🥰

Happy Thanksgiving y’all 💛

29/10/2022

Driving change in the veterinary profession starts in the vet schools, and vet students are at the wheel.

We have the POWER. We can and should demand CHANGE.

Don’t be mistaken, it will take patience. It will be a long road, and you’ll likely be met with resistance at first. But eventually, the change will be happening right before your eyes.

Today, I had a full circle moment that reminded me how much this was all worth it.

Today, I was able to see through an initiative I have advocated for since arriving at my school. Myself and a classmate saw ✨room for improvement✨ in the accommodations process on our campus. So we reached out to supportive faculty, who then helped us advocate for the importance of this initiative.

Today, I participated in the student portion of a candidate interview for an Accommodations Administrator. This is a brand new position, that will be dedicated to accommodation services on our campus. This position was created because of the activism led by veterinary students, the support of empathetic faculty, and an administration ready to listen to its students.

I know so often we as vet students feel as though we have no control and no say in the policies being made for us. Let this be an example of the power that is in the palm of our hands. Take this as a sign to make your voice heard. Speak loudly and long enough, and you’ll find allies ready to listen and offer support.

So, the next time you and your classmate find yourselves wishing how things were different:

send that email,

request a meeting with the Dean,

reach out to faculty,

and remember…

YOU hold the power to make things happen on your campus. YOU can make a difference for future students and the future of this profession. It can all start today, so why wait?

15/10/2022

✨Vet Student’s First Bandage✨ on a REAL patient! It may be imperfect with a few wrinkles, but I’m pretty happy with it 😊

I’m so grateful to have worked with an incredible resident over the last two weeks on ortho. Yesterday she even brought tears to my eyes while we bandaged as the first one in this hospital who told me she was proud of me.

I was casually discussing with one of our lovely technicians who was concerned for me, that I didn’t have any restrictions anymore as we lifted a patient onto the treatment table. It was then when my resident walked in and said, “Can I just say I am so proud of you that you decided to keep going with vet school?” She told me how so many others would have given up by now, and that she never would’ve known everything I had going on if I hadn’t chosen to disclose my situation based on my work ethic and dedication.

But this post isn’t to toot my own horn… it’s to show y’all and inspire some hope that there are amazingly supportive technicians, house officers, faculty, and other vet professionals out there - yes, even in academia!

Think for a moment about how many vet students are terrified to disclose their circumstances due to fear of discrimination (spoiler: it’s the majority of them). We still live in an ableist world, and we still work in an ableist profession. Finding gems like this resident, who *respect* you for being disabled instead of pitying you, is incredible powerful. She was the first doctor at school to tell me she was proud of me, and she said it with such sincerity and genuine emotion. Even writing this post, my soul is moved just thinking about how touching that moment was. Funny thing is, she likely has no idea that she unlocked a new core memory for me. I’ll never forget today and the way she made me feel, and I hope to pass that feeling on to other students in the future.

Thank you to all the doctors and seasoned veterinary professionals who continue to offer acceptance and support to students like me who have always felt like a burden to our colleagues. Y’all are the gems that are changing this profession with every small exchange like this one 💛

01/10/2022

According to the CDC, an estimated 6 in 10 adults in the US have a chronic disease, and 4 in 10 have two or more chronic diseases.

Chronic illness can be a lonely and isolating experience, leaving people vulnerable to depression and suicidal ideation. The chronically ill community has been misrepresented and misunderstood for decades, accused of being lazy, unmotivated, and unwilling to do our fair share of work when we’re actually often working twice as hard just to want to live.

When you add up the time it takes to wait on hold to schedule appointments, actually attend those appointments (especially if traveling), pursue testing, sit through treatments, fight insurance companies, and many other tedious tasks, chronic illness often adds up to a second full-time job with unpaid overtime hours. Forcing us to push ourselves twice as hard to go the same distance.

Chronically ill people have the emotionally draining task of constantly advocating for themselves, often with a price attached. Undeserved judgment from those unaware of our personal circumstances, results in a dilemma of sacrificing our right to medical privacy for compassion and understanding from our peers. However, if we are too open, we are labeled as attention-seekers craving special treatment. This lose-lose situation has resulted in many chronically ill people hiding their illnesses out of fear and even shame.

Chronic illness may appear as days off, leaving work early, and an easy sympathy card but in reality it’s feeling like you’re trapped in a body that’s not your own, mourning the things you used to be able to do and the way you used to feel, fighting daily pain that drives you to the edge of madness, and pushing yourself past your physical limitations only for it to bite you in the ass tomorrow.

The chronically ill experience isn’t a glamorous one, but it is a humbling one with many lessons. The most important one being: you never know what someone else has going on behind the scenes. As we come to the end of Su***de Prevention Awareness Month, I hope you continue to keep the mental health of all of your colleagues in the front of your minds, including the chronically ill ones.

17/09/2022

A great read!

In recent decades, the number of university students with some kind of disability has been progressively increasing due to the more favourable social environment. Despite this progress, these students still face numerous challenges in the academic world.

29/07/2022

This is really disappointing that certain (multiple!!) insurance companies are trying to fight against the veterinary professionals that they’re designed to work with.

Human physicians don’t even face the same restrictions. You could be covered by insurance and treated by your physician parent’s coworkers but we are not extended the same courtesy to have our pets treated by co-workers we trust.

This means for hundreds of interns and residents, their pets would not be able to receive insurance-covered care by their specialist mentors at the hospital that employs them. For some this means they would be traveling hours to receive specialty care. This also means rural veterinarian’s pets would be ineligible for insurance-covered care without traveling often an hour or longer. This is extremely dangerous in emergencies, as time to presentation is frequently a prognostic indicator and cost of care can rise into the thousands very quickly.

We should be INCREASING access to care and growing utilization of pet insurance, not restricting it.

If you are a pet parent I urge you to support insurance companies that do NOT limit your veterinarian’s ability to provide their pets insurance-covered care.

Thank you for creating awareness around this Vet Tech Kelsey.

Fetch by The Dodo Pet Insurance The Dodo
American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA)

18/07/2022

Ableism is so ingrained in society these days that I literally said this about myself in therapy today and my therapist had to tell me “maybe your body is trying to tell you to rest.” THAT is how rampant ableism is in society.

.
📷: Megan Hancock

15/07/2022

04/07/2022

Red, white & blueberry, 🍉🧊🫐🇺🇸

Does your dog hate eating their fruits and veggies?? Try this trick:

Stick your leftover, pet safe produce into your freezer! Sometimes all they need is a texture change (totally relatable btw) Quinn used to never touch watermelon or blueberries until one day I thought I’d stick them in the freezer! Now, I buy my usual favorite summer produce and when it starts to look like they’ll go bad before I get through them myself, I pop them into the freezer for Quinn to have as high reward snacks or meal toppers. This is an easy way to always have healthy summer snacks for your pup on hand and reduce food waste at the same time! A must have hack for all my & out there!

What’re your pups favorite snacks??

(don’t worry the ice is just for the aesthetic and normally swapped for green beans 🤪 gotta protect those pearly whites 🦷)

•
•
•
•

26/06/2022

It’s no coincidence that my favorite interns, residents, and clinicians are always the most kind, compassionate and caring of the bunch. Their resumes don’t matter to me, their humanity does.

💛

12/06/2022

The media has gotten out of control. Real “journalism” doesn’t exist in the US anymore. “News” outlets shamelessly and UNAPOLOGETICALLY pit sides against each other with inflammatory “reporting” and it’s having a dangerous impact on our society.

WGME CBS 13 News, Portland continues to slander one of the two emergency vet clinics open 24/7 in Maine. This is not the apology MVMC deserves and you should not be allowed to call yourselves a news outlet. Shame on you WGME.

https://wgme.com/news/i-team/mvmc-responds-to-i-team-investigation-maine-veterinary-medical-center-jaxx-german-shepherd?fbclid=IwAR22_VWQUwCSGGPZ7-iaI1h_GScKnLffZ-OR2Wz_FxycpCqiH3OOv1Y7rZc

SCARBOROUGH (WGME) -- Maine Veterinary Medical Center is responding to an I-Team story regarding a dog surrendered at its facility. MVMC claims there are inaccuriyies in our story but does not identify any facts that are incorrect. CBS13 obtained documents from the dog's owner corroborating her stor...

12/06/2022

By now you’ve likely already seen the original article, and the statement by Maine Veterinary Medical Center that followed. This was a case of a horrendously negligent journalism, where a veterinary hospital protecting a patient/client’s right to privacy, resulted in them being slandered, defamed, and threatened by the misinformed public.

This hateful turn of events emphasizes that there has been a breakdown in trust between the public and the veterinary community. Let me be clear, went above and beyond to save Jaxx’s life despite the unfavorable odds stacked against them and were punished for a job well done. The backlash and heinous threats they’ve received as a result are nauseatingly despicable and unwarranted.

So why did things unfold the way they did? Why did the client have a different perception of events? Why was there no proper investigation by the journalist? Why did the public attack the practice so aggressively with minimal information? Some might say it is just the day and age we live in, but I believe there’s a more specific problem at hand. There’s been a snowball effect of systemic issues compounding on each other that’s brought us to where we are today. Are all client relationships this way? No, in fact I’d say I’ve had more pleasant ones than not, but the odious interactions are the ones that we remember. They are the ones that ruin our day, give us anxiety, and make us forget about all the wonderful clients we do have. It’s time to stop the name calling, stereotyping, and bullying so we can address the breakdowns in communication from both sides, and rebuild the relationship for the sake of the animals we all love so dearly.

Edit: typo in post should read “rehoming” rather than “rejoining”

08/06/2022

As some of you know, I recently underwent multiple procedures during one surgery and have been recovering for the last 2 weeks. I finally sat down to write a bit about my story after my most recent post-op appointment. If you're interested, have a read at the link below! Did you ever have a surgery during your clinical year? How do you work your chronic illness into your life, instead of delaying your life?

https://www.disableddvm.com/post/brachial-plexus-surgery-during-clinical-year

This is what the last 2 weeks of clinical rotations have looked like for me. Two weeks ago I flew from Massachusetts to Washington, DC to undergo a decompression of my right brachial plexus due to tight fibrous bands of scar tissue compressing nerves and resulting in weakness and dulled sensation in...

22/05/2022

Today was supposed to be my graduation day. This is a day I have dreaded ever since I decided to take medical leave because I thought I would feel depressed, defeated, and jealous that I should be done with vet school by now. But instead, I feel such joy and pride for my V22 friends! It took me so long to realize I was never meant to graduate in 2022. It was never part of the bigger plan for me, and it finally feels like the truth to say it.

Last week a clinician that has known me since first semester congratulated me on reaching graduation, and it didn’t sting the way I thought it would at the time I decided to take leave. I was expecting extreme bitterness, but instead I felt this sense of empowerment and confidence in correcting them. I mean what a compliment that they think I carry myself well enough to be graduating!🤪

It’s funny to look back and know that this exact day is what prevented me from taking leave for so long, and how little it all seems in comparison now. If I hadn’t taken leave, I probably wouldn’t have this incredible vetstagram community; I wouldn’t have met so many amazing humans over the internet; I wouldn’t have Quinn right now, and so many other amazing ripple effects of my leave would’ve never happened. But it was all meant to be this way, and I’m so glad for it.

So if you’re debating taking leave and putting your health before school, don’t let that graduation date be the factor that deters you. You’ll be a much better doctor in the long run, and take it from me, the time flies by faster than you think!

To all my V22s who become DOCTORS today, CONGRATULATIONS!! I’ve watched you all achieve such amazing accomplishments over the last 4 years, and am so proud to call all of you colleagues. I’m especially grateful to those of you that have passed your wisdom and pro tips on to me, and shown me such compassion and friendship even after I joined another class. You’ll never know how much that meant to me. I’m so incredibly proud of not only the doctors you become today, but even more so of the human beings you’ve grown into. Today is for YOU! Congratulations Class of 2022!! 👩🏼‍🎓🎉 I’ll meet you on the other side next year 😉