Don’t date horse girls

16/09/2021

If you’re a guy and you date me, your socks become my horse riding socks. No questions asked

13/09/2021

I don’t care who the f**k you are, when Africa by Toto comes on you turn that s**t up

08/09/2021

First world problem, my iPhone won’t unlock with my mask on because stupid face recognition

05/09/2021

Just watched some guy fall off his bike and eat absolute s**t. And you can bet that I laughed

01/09/2021

Might be wearing a mask but I can still smell the people who fail to use deodorant

31/08/2021

Don’t you hate it when you get half way through a p**n vid, finish yourself before it finishes, but don’t get to watch the whole thing through because watching it after you’ve came is just weird

30/08/2021

If you’re going to cut me off in traffic the least you could do is go the f**king speed limit you old f**k

28/08/2021

I am ready to become a menace to society from my house tonight

28/08/2021

Yes

What do you expect?

26/08/2021

Him - ride me like you ride your horse 😉
Me - no can do sir, I ride for longer than 2 minutes

26/08/2021

Ah yes, painkillers for breakfast

25/08/2021

I vote the administration of ketamine to prevent covid 19. Put everyone in a k hole so they physically can’t leave their house

25/08/2021

My s*x life has been that dry, that the thought of putting a tampon in almost excites me

20/08/2021

The fact that I won’t be asking a bartender for fireball shots tonight really saddens me

19/08/2021

I’m declaring a state of emergency for my liver

17/08/2021

Time to ma******te 5 times a day again

16/08/2021

Imagine being legally high on ketamine

16/08/2021

Females should never underestimate how much power their ass holds

07/08/2021

Concept idea, what if nangs were actually used for whipped cream

07/08/2021

Say Neigh to Ket is being a pain in my ass

04/08/2021

Feed me and tell me I’m pretty

03/08/2021

Guys that drive utes 🤤

01/08/2021

My va**na has seen more of my gynaecologist than dick lately

31/07/2021

Really need to stop going to work on a Sunday with 2 hours of sleep

31/07/2021

Pro tip
Don’t date horse girls, the horse will get ridden more than you do

30/07/2021

Is it just me or does anyone else just feel really good today 😍❤️

30/07/2021

My last visited site on google always seems to be Pizza Hut or p**nhub

30/07/2021

It’s f**keyed Friday

30/07/2021

So one of my best friends just told me they’ve been diagnosed with herpes and hpv

If that’s not a reason to drink I don’t know what is

29/07/2021

Pro tip
Don’t date horse girls, they’ll wake you up at 3:30 to go to work

29/07/2021

Wanna know what’s super awkward? Eye contact with one of the guys who s*xually assaulted you while out in town 😅 (I deal with my s**t with terrible jokes and humour). In saying that any of y’all who have been in a similar situation holla at me, this s**t needs to be brought up more often ❤️

28/07/2021

Yes I just spent $300 on my hair, yes I also have an overdue rego on my car, it’s called prioritising

27/07/2021

The worst thing about being a female with long hair is when you wash it, having to pull the long f**king hairs out of your asscrack after

25/07/2021

Every girl when they get accused of flirting with a male

“ I wAs JuSt BeInG nIcE iM lIKe ThIs WiTh EvErY gUy “

25/07/2021

Not being dusty on a Sunday is a reward in itself 😍

23/07/2021

The shower head is a severely underrated s*x toy

21/07/2021

Pub on a Wednesday just hits different

21/07/2021

The only reason you should date a horse girl is easy access to ketamine

20/07/2021

Northern Bass lineup just got released and I think I just squirted

20/07/2021

So I’ve reached 2hunnit likes, thanks all you lil gremlins for coming along and liking and sharing all my s**t, means a lot, and I hope some of the s**t I say makes your day just a little bit ❤️