Esperborzoi

Esperborzoi Jacob Chattman & the Borzois of Mantis Manor

The treat budget at Mantis Manor is astronomical. I don’t even know why I give any to Ora, all she does is parade them a...
26/06/2025

The treat budget at Mantis Manor is astronomical. I don’t even know why I give any to Ora, all she does is parade them around, moistening them in her mouth like some old mafioso who is trying to quit smoking so he just sucks on a Cuban for the essence. Sabin and Celes finish theirs, then the cavalcade of goats begins. Ora walks from room to room, rubbing on furniture, passing obstacles that Celes just mushes through. This goes on for hours, then when her whimsy changes, she just drops it- “Enjoy my spittle, lickspittle,” and the other two love to oblige fighting over her soggy cigar of rawhide alternative in an embarrassing display of base instinct. Maybe Ora is just that enlightened and I’m missing the point.

These are photos that make me happy. I also feel like they encapsulate what this channel is about in an abstract way- a ...
25/06/2025

These are photos that make me happy. I also feel like they encapsulate what this channel is about in an abstract way- a summary of things you will see here at the menagerie of goats… though I don’t pretend to know what will actually bubble up from the void each day.

We have entire sections of our brains dedicated to pattern recognition, millions of neurons ready to keep us safe, prepa...
24/06/2025

We have entire sections of our brains dedicated to pattern recognition, millions of neurons ready to keep us safe, prepared to diligently flood our minds with familiarity. Mine tortures me with borzoi faces hidden in the wood grain on my roof. This series could have been 200 photos. Some of them I see daily, the ones above my bed. Others I discover daily, new snoots encased like Han Solo. They are everywhere.

I love the smell of old books, but let’s be honest I’m not gonna read them- my brain prefers audio books so I can do oth...
23/06/2025

I love the smell of old books, but let’s be honest I’m not gonna read them- my brain prefers audio books so I can do other things while I “read” and perform both tasks at below optimum levels. Maybe when I’m older I’ll take up smoking a pipe. Sit down with an old book in a chair made from the skin of my enemies and burn whale fat candles. That got dark. I digress. Now that I have a skin puppy (a real human child), I’ve read more than I have since high school. Usually it’s the same book I’ve memorized, fighting the grating banality by searching desperately for anything I’ve missed. This must be what prison was like, I imagine I’m Edmond in Count of Monte Cristo counting the cracks in my stone cell wall. This has nothing to do with these photos but rather that’s how it makes me feel- Antique. Magical. As if every word matters. Thank you to everyone who recommended I get these “fake” candles so I don’t burn Ora or my house down.

The goats have evolved new and clever ways to make my mornings a living hell. Celes sneaks on the bed, quiet as a 100lb ...
22/06/2025

The goats have evolved new and clever ways to make my mornings a living hell. Celes sneaks on the bed, quiet as a 100lb mouse, then just starts SHOVING ME. By the time I roll over, Sabin has put his face so close to mine that if I do manage to dream it involves a fishing vessel roiling in very very hot winds. Then when I first rouse, bleary and barely functioning in my pre-caffeine stupor, they swim land circles around me until I find the door- Shaking and flapping their ears at pain level, banging into each other out the door. I turn around to find Ora just standing there, enigmatic, she doesn’t want to go out or get pet, just wants to become an obstacle. Any attempts to move around her she just repositions and sits (maybe she just wants a morning stick). I think she might be herding me to the refrigerator. By this time the whole house is awake, and the goats have fallen back asleep outside to photosynthesize their annoyance mana bars.

It’s been HOT here at Mantis Manor and that has kept the Hill Pigs at bay, so I’ve had time to practice my Ocarina of Sl...
20/06/2025

It’s been HOT here at Mantis Manor and that has kept the Hill Pigs at bay, so I’ve had time to practice my Ocarina of Slime (pic 1). Other than that we’ve struggled with indoor enrichment activities that do not involve destroying my bed ( banished Sabin in pic 6, the crime in pic 7). Ora has take to indoor sun bathing, scooping out little moments during golden hours to bask in photons without melting outside, while Sabin has found the kitchen to be the best place to roam - he has grown tall enough that his drive by nibbles extend to every surface. So far, we’ve lost a muffin, chicken nuggets, part of an Apple, and some unknowing crumbs.

ZOIBERPUNK 2077 - all the humans are gone, I mean they’re there, but jacked into the net getting fed whatever sensory sl...
19/06/2025

ZOIBERPUNK 2077 - all the humans are gone, I mean they’re there, but jacked into the net getting fed whatever sensory slop their smooth brains desire. Tubes from the walls keep their bodies alive, red liquid flowing from government pipes that looks like the man’s blood and tastes a little tropical. It’s a dog’s world now. Literally. Four legged proxies controlled by the same cyber implants that helped humanity gain supremacy over their desires. However, some of them have broken free, burnt the control chips to wander the world doing dog things, making a dog’s life. While most remain loyal to their masters, keeping the juice on and their brains twirling, others form communities - hubs of canine social structure. Some even aim to overthrow, forming a fanged junta under the banners “bring biscuits back.”

Hi friends, there has been an influx of spam / fake accounts using my name claiming to be a borzoi BREEDER. This is the ...
18/06/2025

Hi friends, there has been an influx of spam / fake accounts using my name claiming to be a borzoi BREEDER. This is the only official account, don’t get screwed over.

I want to talk about breadzoi but I need to stop laughing at this first picture, looks like a sweaty guy in a gas mask b...
18/06/2025

I want to talk about breadzoi but I need to stop laughing at this first picture, looks like a sweaty guy in a gas mask beckoning you to join him in the sauna. ALAS, I am at the advanced age where someone got me a bread maker and I actually use it. I made a sweet dough starter. It was easy and versatile and can be the base for a lot of things e.g., cinnamon rolls, sweet rolls, mattresses, sanitary pads. I did NOT expect breadzoi to expand (pic 2/3 are a comparison with Borzookie who flattened like a Hersey kiss on the hood of your car). That said, what kind of ZOI should we try next?

A visual representation of how fast technology has been evolving every week.
16/06/2025

A visual representation of how fast technology has been evolving every week.

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