Esper the Borzoi

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Esper the Borzoi

Noodle Horse Extraordinaire.

21/11/2023

I thought we were going to lose Joy. Her health was slipping- lost faculty in her back legs like a disconnected robot. They’ve been weak for years but this was rapid. BUT Joy had another life, we switched up her meds, she turned a corner. This morning she was even running around, playing with a bone. In truth, this is the rarity, and I have no idea how long it will last… I had to post about this, it’s necessary. This odd place is purposefully lifelike, honest, well beside the utter fantasies, but I eschew from “normal” style- the godless angels of influence that float all over . Vapid faces of unachievable goals peddling “shop now” for cursory fixes to fatal problems. Truth is, I fail a great deal- thousands of pages of scripts no one will ever read and hundreds of auditions I hope no one ever sees. And like most people here, I will soon be confronted by my relatives at a forced poultry slaughter - I’ll tell them the truth, it’s been sh$t, but I found a niche of friends on the internet. A cohort who understand that life is messy, raw, full of challenges- 90% of it is like Sam and Frodo eating dry lembas bread on the side of a mountain. It is not the reality lampoon of social media, motivational snake oil salespersons dangling insecurities like banners. It is the bitter sweet, your aging dog having a good day laying in the sun, you might see the bigger picture, but every moment is a blessing. All of us together, us infinitesimally unlikely creatures, clawing through the nascent phases of ascension just trying to be happy.

20/11/2023

DRUNGO THE DESTRUCTOR eats planets for breakfast and seasons them with the accretion discs of Black Holes. She has no idea how old she is, but she knew it was her birthday- her parents gifted her a Magnetar like she was still a teenage galaxy destroyer, even though they give her severe indigestion. DRUNGO did her best to only eat uninhabited planets, but given she was the size of Jupiter, she did make mistakes - she’s still reeling about destroying MARPLORK the self help-planet, subsequently consuming her favorite intergalactic podcast “Find your Marp, live your Lork.” Truth is she was lonely. No intelligent species would befriend her and most cultures had legends about her like she was some kind of giant space wraith. “I guess they’re right” she said, lowering her giant head and altering the orbit of a nearby star. *SMACK* something struck her in the eye. She fished it out, an impossibly small spec, she focused and zoomed in… “Voyager 1” she said spotting a small golden disc, “the sounds of Earth…” she spent the day figuring out how to play the disc- nature sounds, animals, wind and then finally music… what a birthday gift. She felt so inspired as she read the rest of the disc, mathematics, physics and finally… anatomy. Her stomach grumbled. “What would earth taste like” she thought, as she peered into the milky blackness towards a burning yellow sun.

19/11/2023

We made it to 7 cheeses! It was easier than 6, either the goat was hungrier or the 4 cheese base was more stable. Alas I won’t ruminate on the structural integrity of cheese based crowns, I am admittedly negligent in that area- I am a walking OSHA violation when it comes to lactose architecture. HOWEVER, I have refilled my cheese log inventory, so as long as I don’t get severe munchies, a desire to make mozzarella sticks, a visit by the cheese mob wanting their cut, or an inspection by the core of engineers, we should be good to continue our quest. I thank you all for your support in this endeavor.

18/11/2023

Saturday face vs Sunday Face… hey, so, can everyone just pretend I wrote something poignant today, like the most riveting thing ever. I wanted to talk about how “days” are mental constructs that don’t exist, the same with 99% of what holds the fabric of our society together, and I kinda spiraled out of my inspiration into this pool of unlabeled and unconstrained mush- like an undercooked flan, don’t get me wrong, you’re still gonna eat it. Who hasn’t eaten something that didn’t really turn out right but “hey this is all I got today.” *HEAVY SIGH* If we could all collectively believe that everyday is Saturday then it would be true. Can we please do this?

17/11/2023

Borzois don’t really drool, I mean there’s some, but comparatively they’re very dry. They make up for this by leaving nose puddles everywhere they sleep. When I first got Esper, I had no idea what these mystery plashets were. I’d step in one on the way to the bathroom at 4am, or have to check the kitchen roof for leaks when one appeared in the center of the tile. Sometimes they would have a little trail leading away, i hypothesized it might be some kind of Los Angeles house frog. It was not. I didn’t know at the time, but hard uncomfortable surfaces are a borzoi’s favorite place for respite - another man’s trash amirite? Even when they are on a dog bed, their bodies are so long their leaky hoses are almost always off the edge- making like oceans of saliva. I like to imagine there are whole ecosystems of strange wildlife that exist in the puddles of borzoi spit. Colonies of sentient sea monkey creatures, trying to evolve legs before the puddle is dried into a salt flat by the window sun.

16/11/2023

“Write a caption…” how does one caption perfection? Words will ruin it, words ARE ruining it. BUT Vladimir wants you to know that he loves you. He hopes that you have a good day, not a great one, a solid day- nothing overly special, no grand epiphanies, just a stepping stone day. Foundational. Progress, as small as it might be, in the right direction. With no indigestion, or maybe a little if that’s your norm. And perhaps a good bowel movement too. This is not a “ATTACK TODAY AT 6am” post, this is a get up feeling rested and appreciate something simple - and maybe realize being productive is overrated, being happy and in the moment is more meaningful. Try to make a memory. Something you won’t forget. Even if it’s just staring at your coffee mug, commit it to recall. Maybe it’s Vlad’s smile, he would love that.

15/11/2023

The season of chaos has begun. The temperature has fallen. The blood of the borzois boil with agitation. The spirit of the frost consumes them - spasms of uncontrollable energy, flailing sticks, agape snoots in frothy fever. Bend your knees in every hallway or dare to be clipped. No made bed will remain so, like a made man turned informant - everything will be untucked. Every corner covered in fuzzy white borzoi pollen. I resign to the season, powerless, a broken man without a safe space. Without respite.

14/11/2023

Arguably the thing that prepared me the most for child-rearing was video games. Before you yeet me off a cliff, let me explain myself. Babies are a complex series of progress bars that you have to manage. Hunger. Thirst. Cleanliness. Bath times. Sleep level. Happiness level. Engagement level. Overall progress mental, overall progress physical. Sickness. Social interactions. Enrichment. Hobbies. You literally set up playpens for them, keep them from choking on glumps of potting soil all while you decipher their cryptic mumbling which happens to be a lot like Simlish. It is, at times, horribly tedious and you question why in the hell you decided to play this game in the first place. But one day you’ll realize they’re happy, and that you did ok that day playing omniscient steward and it all becomes worth it. Until they vomit on you. Then it’s dark again. Until they laugh and you laugh. Then they grunt out something unholy in their diaper. Then they smile. And you just want time to reset your computer but they keep yelling.

13/11/2023

The original Mantis Manor 1975 - on the left is my mom, on the right is my grandmother. The two noodles Vacya and Sobaka were two of the founding members. The Manor itself would eventually be sold and turned into a French restaurant, Le Sans Souci, in Cave Creek AZ. My first time trying escargot was at this dining establishment, when they sponsored our freshman year French Class- since, like the brilliant young lad that I was and living in close proximity to Mexico, I chose the language I would never f& use. OUI BI***ES. Many noodles would come after, leading up to the squad you see today. As the hairless one and keeper of the manner, it was my honor to take the mantle, clean up p**p, and prevent world annihilation at the hands of the forces of evil that reside just below the surface- figuratively of course since we already negotiated peace with the lizards.

12/11/2023

“What the hell, Cletus!” He doesn’t turn around. “What kinda gun ain’t got no recoil!?” You can hear him laugh through his nose, “It don’t matter, just keep shooting, we’re almost outta here.” He was right, the bank gave up the cash without a fuss and it only took a couple shots in the air to keep the Johnson boys in their seats… but this gun, it felt good in your hand, warm, covered in fur - reminded you of your dad’s blunderbuss, but there was no flint, no way to load a bullet, and the smoke coming out of its barrel smelled a little like fish? Maybe trout? You got to your hideout a couple hours later and Cletus was making what you thought was dinner but it smelled awful. “Ok level with me, where didja get this?” Cletus steals a look so the firelight cuts his face more than his war scars, “some kinda ship.” “Ship?” “Ya, out on the Tye ranch, big metal thing, I guess it crashed, people picked it over for scrap, I found these two guns in the wall.” “You sure they are guns?” You ask, looking over the face of yours as it blinks. “Sure look alive.” “They are,” said Cletus pulling a peace of mangled meat off the fire… “now feed yours before it gets pissed.”

11/11/2023

I am really thinking we may have hit our max with 6 cheeses. I read in a book that being a libra 6 is lucky for me… and I always trust books and astrology. Ora’s a libra too. Maybe we should stop. Maybe I’m afraid of what will happen if we keep going. CHEESE LIMIT. I still haven’t bought more cheeses, this one was stuck in lettuce drawer. Real talk, do those drawers really do anything? Like, does it REALLY keep things crisp. In my fridge it keeps them frozen- DONT BLOCK THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE OR EVERYTHING DIES. That seems like really keen engineering. I really want one of those fridges, but they’re like a college tuition - so sexy though, in a fridge kinda way. Blocky. Cold. Like a lunch lady. I bet their drawers work, even named after the best mortal kombat character. FINISH HIM, FINISH YOUR LEFT OVERS - damn thing Probably eats your food for you and deposits it in your blood stream… who needs an ice bath, COLD SHOCK when you open the door, ice machine so cold you lose a toe.

10/11/2023

Hey 20 year old me. Things didn’t turn out how we planned it. That’s ok. It’s better now. We are dunking sock puppets into water buckets. And you have a kid. And a bunch dogs. No, I’m not gonna explain, but here ARE some things you should know:
1. Buy as many Dunkaroos as you can- they get discontinued in like 2012.
2. You’re not gonna be a Doctor, you never wanted to be, that was just a familial expectation- Our sister will get enough educational accolades for the both of us.
3. In the labors of love, you’re going to make a ton of mistakes, but you’ll fail upwards. You lucky SOB (sorry mom).
4. Maybe drink a little less- or like better stuff, just cause Optimist Club has 1 dollar well drinks doesn’t mean you have to imbibe- charcoal filtered doesn’t mean a damn thing.
5. Keep playing video games, the friends you make doing that will be lifers.
6. Never stop writing, that’ll eventually be important. Not like right away. But trust us. So keep up that blog no one reads. Lol.
7. Oh ya, you’re gonna have a really terrible health scare soon, but they’ll fix you with a robot - bahaha, sleep well.
8. Have fun, your skin might be thin now but wowey, it’ll get as thicc as you could possibly imagine. Like literally everyday someone on the internet will tell you they hate you for one reason or another - it MIGHT be because of the sock puppets but even I’m not sure.

I think that’s it. Or at least as much as I can say without corrupting our timeline.

09/11/2023

Contrary to what one might hypothesize, when a borzoi lies their nose doesn’t grow, rather their neck does (Snoot growth can even be an indication of veracity). Here we show the progression of a lie being doubled down upon. Ora refused to admit that it was her that tried to bury a half eaten, slimy, tooth-hole-ridden, practically fermented bone in my pillow- even though it was matted with white hair and I had personally given her that bone a few days prior. The neck will eventually deflate, like a wacky wavable inflatable tube man in a hurricane, or someone’s grandfather who mistook his Cialis for Tictacs and spent a week using his grandson’s VR helmet augmenting his deflation. Hats off to who provided Ora’s fit - it somehow stretched beyond known logic. Also, to for editing the first photo (he made the neck smaller so it fit in the frame).

08/11/2023

Borzois are a sartorial nightmare - their body shape is so unique that typically any costume or clothing we have fits like an old trash bag stuck on a chain link fence. That’s because sighthounds are built like a airdyne exercise bike (pic 4) just imagine for a second your lungs were 3 times bigger, sure you would be “busty” but it’s alllllll ribs, like Lara Croft in the 90s tomb raider. Soooooo, all this said I am typically very skeptical, however, these outfits sent to us by fit perfectly - they tailor their clothing for the weird and wild world of noodles. They are a small business out of Amsterdam and Kyiv and if you have a sighthound check them out. Literally the only clothing Ora has ever been “comfortable” in. No this is not an advertisement, no one paid me, gosh I wish people would pay me. I don’t mean that as like a specific thing, just in general. AFFIRMATIONS.

07/11/2023

Did you find your soul zoi? The one that calls to you. The one that speaks to you in your dreams, your inner Zoi. Your soul zoi. The zoi that guides your consciousness. The zoi in the shadows. If you didn’t, that’s ok, there are many other zois out there. Perhaps we will show them, perhaps they will show themselves to you - in a dark alley when no one is looking, like Batman, but more like Spider-Man cause it’ll change you. Not radioactively but spiritually, back to more like batman. But you’ll get powers, kinda like Spider-Man, and you’ll have to live your life as a servant of Justice, a zoi-man, a zoi-woman. A zoi person of long Justice. Long and faithful, consumed for cheese and the delicate touch behind your ears while you take on ruffians from your cave or crate.

06/11/2023

MEME MONDAYS. It is Monday right? If it’s morning but it’s still dark out does that really count as the day starting yet? It’s more like SUNDAY.5 or SUNDAY.25. The hose goats are up though. All of them. Even Vlad. I guess it is Monday now. He usually sleeps in until like 11 - great he’s barking for treats. Meme Monday is off to a fantastic start.

05/11/2023

Vladimir Poopin was taking a sun bath on the green and I decided to join him. Just two men pretending to be lizards. I put on some Depeche Mode to help us photosynthesizer. Vlad’s feet are so inordinately small for his size (you can see in pic 4). Dainty. His head is huge though- Disparate parts assembled like a mannequin from the trash behind a closing . These are moments I reflect on my existence, a sort of “how did I get here” *switches music to Talking Heads*, it’s never how I expected it to turn out. It never is. I’m somehow a father now. I’m sitting on a putting green. Why do I have a putting green? I held Vlad’s baby foot in my hand, then looked at his snoot that puts to shame. “How do you not fall over, like honestly”

04/11/2023

MOOSE NOODILUS arrived on the planet Korriban when she was only 13 as a sith acolyte. She wondered how long it would take until they realized she was not force sensitive per se just regular sensitive and very sneaky. Training was easy, she was exceptionally athletic, and the isolation and competitive nature of lessons appealed to her - she liked to be alone. 6 months passed before she fought in her first duel, she dispatched her opponent with a swift kick to the groin (his species had their testicles on their shoulders). By the end of year 1 she had learned how to fake nearly all the force tests using slight of hand but at the Grand Tournament she would surely be exposed- The finale was a force-lift and not just a little object but a giant evil shaped boulder. That night she packed her things - “better to live as an pariah than die by a lightsaber.” She ducked out of the main hall, and scampered across the plaza. *WHAM* Blackness. When she woke up, two men were staring down at her. She recognized them as Darth Copperfield and Darth Blaine (colloquially know by the students as The DAVIDS). “We too have no force powers” they said in nearly perfect unison, “but that doesn’t matter.” Confused, befuddled, downright in shock, Moose began her training. At the tournament the fanfare began, a few students fell into the pit of despair, but that just added to the revelry. The time came to move the rock, Moose stepped forward. It began to hover, and then BOOM it exploded into a cascade of purple light then reassembled. The crowd cheered. Moose smiled- the knowledge of the complex mechanisms needed for this “trick” brought her immense excitement. She glanced at Her new masters. The Davids nodded and Darth Noodilus was born.

03/11/2023

Hi. Vlad here. These keyboards are so tough with nails, proverbial “hats off” if you got that hand glam. Dad was up late playing video games and left his phone on the floor after petting me. I’ve figured out The Google but can’t seem to find Amazon. Probably not the best venue to ask for assistance, but what does the app icon look like? Please don’t use colors or letters to describe it - I cant see them and, contrary to my nearly perfect diction thus far, I am doing howl-to-talk. Please advise. I need bones. I also need baby deterrent, since young Locke reallly realllly likes me. I like him too just not when I’m sleeping, just like a non-toxic noxious spray will do. “Baby off” kinda like that bitter apple dad puts on my paws so I don’t chomp them at night. Something I can just puff into his little baby face. Praise be to the hose.

02/11/2023

The rules of the Manor have changed of late - the consequence of policy and tradition being so intertwined. Mantis Greetings are now mandatory, whereas they were only a preferred gesture of decorum. The rule change came as a late night procedural vote during the last council in a desperate attempt to increase treat allocation- violators of a Mantis Greeting must now pay a treat tax. This is no problem when I am flush with treats, in fact, I rather enjoy skipping the 5 minutes of constant hand flipping with a bit of meat. The problem comes when I run out. Then multiple goats are swarming and starting the ceremony, 30 maybe 40 minutes can pass in constant appendage gesticulation - a circle jerk of etiquette one-upmanship that ends in utter exhaustion. It’s like the dancing plague of 1518. Some goats even opt to bury their faces and fall asleep with Mantis Sticks (pic 2). This is called the “headless goat” and it exploits the obscure legal loophole of “if i never saw it it never happened” - a staple of the Mantis Constitution.

01/11/2023

A few nights ago I was feeding the goats, they get a respectful handmade combination of foodstuffs that puts most of my meals to shame, regardless, Celes went to eat food out of Joy’s bowl and I had to yell at her to stop. Joy gets old lady medicine that would have probably given Celes hallucinations for a month. THE PROBLEM is that when I yelled, Ora who was eating quietly, got freaked out - a sort of admonishment collateral damage. I rarely yell at all (we use snaps to control goat behavior) and Ora is strung SO TIGHTLY that she scrambled out of the kitchen. Borzois never forget, especially negative events, so now Ora wants to eat either in the office or on the lawn. Those are the only two places she will eat now. Dad’s fault of course. This is my warning to anyone who wants a borzoi, one WEIRD thing will happen and they will never forget it. Esper stepped on a loose grate on the sidewalk, EVERY walk from then on out she would LEAP over grates. Or one time a jogger ran by us wearing all pink with a pink umbrella (parasol probably, this was LA) scared her so badly she almost crapped herself and then she refused to walk on that side of street in that spot. Vlad is afraid of tile. Celes eats cell phone reflections. Ora doesn’t like fireplaces. Joy… well joy is so old it’s all faded into grey mist. HEED MY WARNING, BORZOIS ARE VERY WEIRD (borderline neurotic) and their memories are better than elephants.

31/10/2023

We made it to 5, Tina came up with a new configuration, sorta a cheese-raft - I was trying a modified Lincoln Log thing that was failing miserably (pic 3). Unfortunately production is ON HOLD while we get more cheese. The ones I had been using were falling apart and covered in dog hair. They weren’t wasted though, they were washed and fed as tribute to all of mantis manor - let them eat sticks! Let the sticks eat sticks! Will we make it to 6!? We will try.

30/10/2023

Down to the last few days to order these DANCING NOODLEHORSE EARRINGS by . Ora made me buy her a pair even though her hearing flaps remain without perforation. These are limited (can only be made so fast), hand designed, solid silver, and extra noodley. 11/3 will be the last day to order in time for the holidays. We got the insta shop working too, so visit or check the link in my biô. Percentage of the profits are going to and Admittedly, this is my first time doing any sort of product offering. If you have any suggestions please be brutally honest -
It’s like how do I balance posting about this stuff with my normal borzoi insanity? It’s nice to know these are a legit unique gift for any noodle lover. My bro-in-law THOR designed these. He’s a rancher / jeweler / Norse god. The ULTIMATE goal is open a borzoi sanctuary- I think I’m just saying this to get it out there as an affirmation. HOSE GOAT SANCTUARY AND BED AND BREAKFAST- them everyone can visit. The penultimate goat is selling enough of these to donate a ton. Ok. I’m done.

29/10/2023

THE VOID came out for a scary photo shoot. We all dressed up as skeletons, but If I think about actually having bones I don’t like it- hard sticks buried in my flesh. I think I would prefer an exoskeleton existence, like a crab, like a hermit crab- housing would be so cheap if we were all hermit crabs. I would live in a broken bottle, so all my innards would be on display against the transparent glass- like the trappings at low end grocery store butcher. You’ll notice, as you go through the photos, that I carved a pumpkin - his name is “The morning after” since people vomit a lot the morning after things. And finally I think I actually captured a ghost in the final picture - also, I have on the ADD PICTURES TO THIS POST. I’ll be adding as many costumed pets as I can.

28/10/2023

LADY FLUFF (formerly Carol Dunleavy) unfortunately became the ruler of the Marshmallow Kingdom during the worst El Niño year ever recorded. Marshmallows melted, chocolate streets were liquified, even the gram cracker flying buttresses cracked - the once gorgeous world became a S’more hellscape of death and destruction. Carol tried to explain that she was not responsible for climatic changes, and that it might have been the over harvesting of gumdrop buttons stopping up the Frangipane River. Carol was ostracized, but couldn’t return to earth (how the f could she). For the next several years she befriended a group of skittish skittle people who were banned from California - very much a sort of colorful “Lost Boys” tribe they even had a Rufio-like leader. Carol eventually took back the city and united all peoples by inventing a terrifying common enemy - Ants. Carol died toothlessly a few years later of hyperglycemia - although there was universal mallow healthcare, the physiology of humans was quite enigmatic to sugar based life forms. Her only source of protein being gelatin and the only way to prevent scurvy was to chain-suck Lemon Heads.

27/10/2023

We made it to 4 but it was a struggle. I really have to rethink the structure - you can see the dirt on the cheese. Luckily dirty cheese never stopped any dog and would also make a great band name. I feel like I’m at a middle school science fair building a bridge outta popsicle sticks. BUT there is no participation trophy, there are really world consequences now- I feel the weight of the world is upon me. The weight of all snootdom. Why did I back myself into this corner.

26/10/2023

Still the greatest photo I’ve ever taken- it’ll randomly poke into my mind like shark fin cresting the murky waters of my insomnia. I never expected the existential weight of the fruit to bend her that way. Or for Ora to be so curious as to why her sister was folding like an old collapsible wooden beach chair - I need an Amazon shop of all collapsible furniture to link to that remind me of my dogs. In pic 2 you’ll see that Ora has taken the fruit balancing mantle and has stayed way more upright, yet other less weighty things will cause a gradual subsidence, like a paper tower once nearly folded her in half. Either borzois do not understand gravity at all, or they can control it completely. I suppose the latter is more likely.

25/10/2023

I tried many iterations of the tri-cheese configuration and this seemed to be the most stable - maybe not structurally but the one that the goat would tolerate. It lasted about 10 seconds then pic 2. After that, a battle began. I had to fight Ora to not eat all the felled string cheeses like a termite at a drinking party (this is an analogy I feel should be on a teeshirt, I can vividly see this termite. Did you know termite queens can live to be like 50 years old ). As I’ve been told, many times by vets in my DMs, too much cheese is particularly bad for dog pancreases (pancreasi?). I’ve never seen a dog pancreas, so I am not an expert. However, contrary to my lactose filled page, Ora doesn’t get all that much- hence the utter madness when we “Let the cheeses hit the floor” - as sung in the tune of Bodies by Drowning Pool. I will go for 4 sticks tomorrow.

24/10/2023

CELES: Why did you name him Locke?
ME: A few reasons, mainly Final Fantasy.
CELES: Cool.
ME: What?
CELES: Thought maybe Tina was locked in a room or something.
ME: No.
CELES: Don’t get huffy, a lot of people do that.
ME: Do what?
CELES: Name their skin puppies after circumstances.
ME: uh…I don’t think so?
CELES: like if he was born in a car.
ME: …
CELES: you would have to name him Carson.

We all had a good laugh, but deep down I was disturbed. My nephew Caspian - his parents had traveled to the Caspian Sea… then I thought about my cousins Accident and Shotgun. And then there was always uncle Pullout and aunty Truckbed. How was I so blind?

23/10/2023

The Zoicheese Cross has been a symbol of salacious meditation for hose goats for thousands of years. Originally worn by a druidic tribe of Proto-goats called the Sneepthropes, it symbolizes the intersection between cheese and tongue - where they believed all life begins and ends. The moment before taste reaches your brain was a sacred anticipatory rapture. Ta***ic tribes tried to elongate that moment and some Proto-goats even lacked myelin sheaths therefore neural signals took much longer (seconds) to travel up their snoots than modern goats - to them the rapture was a very real moment. It is unknown if the lack of myelination was due to some mutation cultivated through selective breeding (those in rapture longer likely bred more) or simply some evolutionary quirk, like giant dinosaurs. The Sneepthorpes with the slowest tastebuds earned the Zoicheese Cross.

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Writhing down the street, undulating as if beguiled by an unheard conga, the creature approaches you. You stand your ground, maybe you’re too terrified to move, but you sense it means you no harm… or at least no pain. It stops mere inches from you, you note it’s smell - a combination of acrid space, ozone, mixed with damp concrete and a pleasant floral undertone, maybe gardenia. “Hey. I gotta tell you something.” It says, lips unmoving, the voice radiating into your skull. “I am ready,” you respond, hot wet tears stream down your face, as you open your arms ready to receive whatever comes. “Uhhh.. You missed a belt loop,” rattles the omnipresent voice, now with a tinge of judgement. “Oh…” you mutter, checking your loops. It’s right. You slob. You absolute slob. #borzoi #dogsofinstagram (illustration by @madisongk.design )

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Keep your pets safe this 4th of July!!! #4thofjuly #dogs #safety #dogsofinstagram

Misunderstood dog breeds ep 6 - poodles #dogbreeds #poodles #dogsofinstagram (full series on tiktok)

Common things that are dangerous to dogs- SAGO PALM #dogsofinstagram #safety #dogs

What would you do? #borzoi #dogsofinstagram #mylittlerussianlady

Most popular dogs on Tiktok - and info about @lookingpets free digital ID tags. #sponsored #ad #top5 #dogsofinstagram https://www.lookingpets.com/products/lookingpets-degital-pet-id-tag

Misunderstood dog breeds ep 5 #Doberman #dogbreeds #dogsofinstagram (all these eps are on tiktok, haven’t figured out a good way to make comprehensive playlists here)

Misunderstood dog breeds - Golden Retriever #dogbreeds #history #dogsofinstagram

WRINKLIEST dogs #dogsofinstagram #list #top5

Worlds tallest dogs #dogsofinstagram #top5

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