05/03/2023
It’s been a big few weeks across the Kakapo Islands.
Te Kingi in a classic halfback move, decided to pick a fight with a bloke much bigger than him without checking to make sure he had backup. As it turns out he did not. It’s the sort of ex*****on that would make Ian Foster shake his head, and Justin Marshall scream ‘boomfa’. He’s now in Hospital on the mainland, reconsidering the decisions that led him to this moment.
Ngatapa is rumoured to be the bloke he picked a fight with. Though ask him and he’ll glare and start mentioning that ‘snitches get stitches’, before changing the topic. Apparently, despite looking as healthy as a Texan in a Heartattack Grill, Te Kingi wants a rematch. We’ve been advised that may be the drugs talking, and that without support Te Kingi’s got better odds of buying a house in Auckland than beating Ngatapa in a rematch.
Speaking of hospital visits. Roha’s over on the mainland along with a handful of floofballs, getting some treatment for the non COVID, type of spicy cough. Roha seems largely unimpressed that she’s in the ward next to young Kakapo. Apparently all they do is listen to Juice World, and make Tik Toks. Apparently she’s more emotional than Will Smith after winning an oscar.There’s only so much of the youth of today you can take before you need a Sangria.
Back on the island, balls of floof are beginning to turn more green than Judith Collins after seeing Chris Luxon’s polling data. The Rimu crop is ripening, and the chicks are getting big! We’ve been advised to warn you against telling a Kakapo mum, that her chick looks just like their father. Apparently it’s a touchy subject given their lack of involvement!
Latest count of the floof balls is 57!