13/04/2024
It’s a good one.
I think we have to take this one out of the realm of and start a new category, let's call it . Here we go:
It doesn't matter if your horse likes you.
Let me rephrase: your first priority shouldn't be, "Am I my horse's favorite thing? Do they enjoy training more than anything else they're doing that day?" That is an unrealistic, and frankly self-centered approach.
Your top priorities should be: 1. is my horse healthy and happy 2. is the training I'm doing with my horse improving their health and wellbeing, and increasing their longevity?
Notice, you don't factor in. It's wonderful to have a relationship with a horse, to build trust, to treat them with kindness and respect is absolutely essential. And who doesn't feel joy when their horse interacts with them, of their own free will? There are few better feelings in the world.
But you know what, you can do all of this, and they still might rather eat grass or enjoy their grain than go for a ride with you. And that's not a moral failing on your part. Your horse may enjoy your company from time to time, but as hardwired by nature, prefer the company of other equines most of the time. That's normal. You haven't failed your horse if your relationship with them is not their primary focus.
In fact, when you put your horse's perception and relationship to you above how they live naturally, with their herd and forage, you're actually centering your own ego. This can be really problematic, because if in your kind and ethical training you reach a roadblock, you may take it personally: "I thought my horse liked me! What have I done to deserve this? "
And, more often than not, people perceive this as a personal betrayal. They anthropomorphize the horse's rejection as they would that of a friend. I've seen people switch over to truly aversive/abusive training methods when they feel personally betrayed. There is a level of fear, conscious or subconscious that resonates with bully trainers, whose need to control and belittlr animals of course also comes from fear. And they could avoid this pitfall completely, simply by centering the needs of the horse, rather than the horse's relationship to them.
After all, we're with the horse 1 hour a day - what happens in the other 23 hours? If we had a horse that longed to be with us for their only sense of security and joy, we could create a horse that was totally neurotic and non-functional most of the time.
Our goal should always be to add to our horse's lives, and not center our own needs and wants, or worse our egos, above what's best for them. When our horse presents an unwanted behavior, it's not a personal affront or a betrayal. It's a communication that there's a problem, or that the horse has a different priority in that moment. This is normal. Address the need. Don't blame the animal. They don't owe us anything, and we owe them everything. How we center our approach matters.
